getting over abuse?

Find a good therapist, don't try and get through it on your own.

I am very good at compartmentalizing when I'm awake. When I'm asleep is another matter. I have noticed, over the decades, that my dreams have changed. For years, when I dreamed about what happened to me, I was a cowering, frightened victim. Gradually, in the past two years, I've gone from quiet submission (I was told to be quiet and I was an obedient child) to speaking out to roaring out to confronting the person I feel most betrayed my trust. Interestingly, I began to to care for myself again at about that time.

My heart breaks for you still being in that situation.
I was sexually abused by female babysitters at ages 5 and 6, then by a male at age 8, then gang raped at 12 and 13.

It's been 8 years now, and I still have post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD), clinical chronic depression, anxiety, flashbacks and nightmares. I have tried a counsellor who told me I was making up lies because that couldn't possibly happen to somebody by so many unrelated people, a psychologist who told me I was filled with evil spirits and tried to take them out of me, another psychologist who said my problems were beyond her qualifications, and finally have a psychiatrist (8 years later) who actually understands me, doesn't make me recount every situation and actually works on the problems I have every day (nightmares, flashbacks etc). We are now working on taking me off medication instead of everyone else who put me on MORE.

My advice?
-Get out of the situation- no matter what it costs. Live on the street if you have to, just get OUT OF THERE. The longer you stay, the more it costs you in the long run.
-Excercise. Just get your anger and hurt out of your body- kick a punching bag. I do yoga- it stretches you, sheds calories, clears your mind and helps you focus. Also calms me down
- Get rid of the crappy friends and keep the good- even if it's only one or two. You don't need people bringing you down.
- Never EVER stop seeking help until you are ok. No matter how many frogs of counsellors and psychologists you go through, there will be that one prince there who will change your life. Don't give up.

I wish you all the luck in the world- you are not alone here. As you can clearly see, so many of us have gone through the crappest of times. You're going to be ok, and you're going to get through this. But don't expect it soon- it takes hard work.

Love,
Emma

Growing up with my eldest sister was very traumatic. She has no conscience at all, was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive. My younger sisters, my brother and I all have scars on our bodies because of her. Not surprisingly we all ended up in foster care. As adults my younger sisters and I agreed that if she had been able to kill us as young kids and get away with it, she would have done it without hesitation.

I never did therapy because it was not offered in foster care. But one of the things I discovered is that there are three types of people who come out the other side of abuse. There are the victims, the survivors, and the fighters. And since I'm from the Ngapuhi tribe (NZ Maori) being a fighter has been bred into us for generations. I don't have nightmares or flashbacks. I thought that I was alcoholic for a while but had since realized that I had major angry problems that manifested in violence.

People are very astounded when I share my story. The distance from where I came from and where I am now is many many light years apart. My life is about choice. What I choose to do, how I choose to react, how I choose to act and what I choose to let affect me. The wreckage of my past molded me into the person that I am today. Compassionate, loving, strong, determined, nurturing, full of fun and life. I still have my dark moments but I choose not to inflect them on others. I know that I have stepped beyond my past. I have two adult children who grew up with love, stability, a sense of worth, knowing where they belonged and encouraged every step of the way.

There are many ways to heal. Mine probably would not work for many others. My biggest suggestion would be to start a journal. It's a very useful tool to get the crap out of your head. Then it allows you to come back and read it and see a little more clearly. I injured myself back in May and my head went crazy. I wrote myself a letter detailing my feels about all the stuff that was stuck in my head. I wasn't as depressed as I thought I was because even though my letter was painful to read days later, it made me laugh. I was able to step off the hamster wheel and move forward. Most importantly I was finally able to sleep. About two weeks later I offered the same advise to my BFF back in New Zealand. And she got similar results too.

I feel like I am rambling. But your post really touched me. I want for you to be strong. I want for you to be a fighter. I want for you to raise so far above those you abused you that you will be a beacon for some young person to follow out of their own darkness.

Some days are better than others. Sometimes I can go a whole week without thinking about the abuse.

That is huge to me! I am still at the point where I can't imagine going through a whole day without thinking about mine. I hope that time comes for me someday.