Totally off topic...but I just gotta know! :)

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lmjonesga
lmjonesga Posts: 32 Member
in Chit-Chat
Totally off topic...but I need some validation (or not) for a friend of mine.

So, to all of you I ask this question: If you were to need to tell your ex spouse you were newly engaged, would a text message be an appropriate method? I have a friend that this just happened to...and we both think it was incredibly insensitive. They have children together so the information did need to be shared somehow.

Any thoughts?

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  • heidimaggott5
    heidimaggott5 Posts: 29
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    No. A text is not appropriate.
    Seeing as they have children together I would assume that they do occasionally speak and/or see each other face to face, so there is no excuse.
  • Spanntastic12
    Spanntastic12 Posts: 181
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    Depends on what their current relationship is like. I would think if they see each other face to face and there isn't much animosity there then that would be the best way to approach it. Or if things are a lil uneasy when they are around each other then a phone call.
  • jesekelynne
    jesekelynne Posts: 42
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    I personally wouldn't text. It's kind of like the difference between a FB event invite and a mailed invitation. For a person you have no choice but to communicate with (like in coparenting) you want to keep the path smooth...
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    If they have kids together, there should be no reason why she can't tell him face to face.
  • jmatthews75
    jmatthews75 Posts: 525 Member
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    Not for nothing, but why the hell is it any of their business? they are an EX. I think a text would be appropriate.
    On the other hand, since kids are involved, I think it would be nice if all the adults can sit down together and talk about parenting plans. I know it drives me nutts that my ex is getting married this month and I still haven't met the guy because he is too busy to ever come with her to pick up my son. I think that is inappropriate. I think it is inappropriate that both the ex and him vacation 10 or so times a year while I pay 888 a month in child support while my son needs new clothes and his mommy is too good to buy him any. I think the State of Massachusetts is sided for the mother no matter what and that is assbackwards.
    Sorry, I got totally off topic there myself...
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
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    I don't think it really matters--it depends on the relationship between the two individuals. Every relationship is different and that is what would dictate the method of delivery.
  • anjanettecomer
    anjanettecomer Posts: 31
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    I really don't worry about what my ex-husband does or doesn't do. We have kids together, too, but how he communicates with ME is not much of a concern to me. As long as he does what he is supposed to do with the kids, I'm content.
  • mirasmom02
    mirasmom02 Posts: 33
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    Why not just post it on FaceBook?!?! Sorry, a lil sarcastic there! But, then again, that IS how most people tell everyone their business these days...I am surprised that person didn't just wait for the kids to tell their parent that the other was engaged...frankly, I'm not sure if that is really something that you should rub in your ex's face...let alone in a text - how TACKY was that?!?!
  • Chipmunk222
    Chipmunk222 Posts: 240 Member
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    Just because they have kids together doesn't mean everything.... some people are far better off staying as far from an ex as possible or keeping an ex as far from them.... I wouldn't expect my ex to have told me anything nor would I have considered saying anything to him... I mean really, he was a pain in the *kitten* enough when I was married to him, so I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of having a say, or an opinion in any other part of my life. But that's just me.... otherwise, I'm sure there are others who should say it in person.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 13,034 Member
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    It depends on the context, I suppose.

    If the couple who are newly engaged dated for long enough that this decision is the natural next step in their relationship... and the kids from the previous relationship are aware of such... then a text to the ex isn't out of line. I personally wouldn't use this method but it's individual preference.

    If the couple met last week and the kids haven't met the person who is about to become a part of their life, then a text to the ex is completely out of line.
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
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    aw, what a jerk. they should have gone out for a coffee or something. what a meany.
  • rozsbluejay
    rozsbluejay Posts: 303 Member
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    In person perhaps. They both need to be civil about it. So your friend that got engaged needs to tell him/her that if and when it happens to them your friend would expect the same thing and to be civil about it. They are adults not children and their children need to see them be ok with each other.
  • PapaDunx
    PapaDunx Posts: 243
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    Im thinking it has nothing to do with the ex. As long as the financial and social commitments are met, why does he need to know?
    If they get married, sure. Then financially, things could change.
  • moosetrap
    moosetrap Posts: 18
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    A text definitely wouldn't be appropriate. I'd think face to face would be best, but a phone call at the VERY least.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    Yeah.... Not good enough. I think it's best patents stay in contact about these sorts of things. Not that either would need permission but when a new person is introduced into the kids lives - its s big deal. Everyone shoukd at least be familiar with each other and their roles with the kids.

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