Feeling ashamed of my diary

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ChihakuZeal
ChihakuZeal Posts: 65
in Motivation and Support
A while back I was dealing with some stuff back at my old home and people would go through my diary to be shocked to still see me eat unhealthy things and scold me deeply about it.
It really affected my confidence and I decided to hide it from the public, but now I have a feeling I should allow people to see what I have been eating, but I'm too scared to get the scolding issues again.
I moved in with my older brother, and now healthier foods are kinda scarce since most of our food comes processed (I currently have no job, therefore I cannot buy my own), so my brother and I eat these foods and I am afraid of what people will say to me when they decide to peek into my diary and see foods that have high sodium, fat, etc.
It makes me feel ashamed because I'm trying to get my new life in order, but I cannot keep the junk out of the fridge since we are on a tight budget.

Now, where I live, I do have a bunch of forests and pathways, so yeah I can hike and jog through the woods, but still the healthiest food I've eaten here in the past 3 weeks were 2 bananas and some mini wheats cereal and that's all. Everything else was pizza (sometimes homemade), fries, instant meals, and it makes me feel so weak due to our budget... On the bright side, I haven't drank a soda since I've been here, so maybe that's a small advantage.

So, do you guys have any idea if I should open up my diary again, because I really don't want to deal with the scolding from others because some people think that if they find one flaw in a diary, they exploit it immediately and it makes me sad that I cannot eat as healthy as I used to....
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Replies

  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Nope I wouldn't.... Too many food nazis on this site.
  • jsdholland
    jsdholland Posts: 77 Member
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    Do what feels good to you, you are the one living with that stress, and coping as best you can. Keep exercising and keep logging!
  • sunshine1992
    sunshine1992 Posts: 22 Member
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    I wouldn't personally. The purpose of an open diary is for people to recieve feedback on how they can improve, or to give others ideas/inspiration. You say you do not have the capacity to improve currently, so the comments are pointless.. and it doesn't seem like your diary is one that you are even happy with, so it is unlikely others would find ideas there.

    I would say keep it closed for now. Just try and make the best choices you can, keep active and goodluck in your job hunt :)
  • just4nessa
    just4nessa Posts: 459 Member
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    You shouldn't feel ashamed, you're doing what you have to do and at least keeping track. If you feel that you would be subjecting yourself to judgment or scolding, then leave it private. It's entirely your decision. You've made great progress and you seem to know what additional improvements you can make; you will make them when you are able to.
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
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    There are a few options:

    -Make it private

    -Be very selective with your friends list and make it only available to friends

    -Put a password on it that you only give to friends who fully understand the parameters that you are forced to work within

    You're doing very well, so you have much to be proud of. Most people here are on a budget, and there are also folks who live with relatives and have to work within what the entire household is purchasing. If you find some of those folks, that's where password protecting your diary becomes helpful as you can select specific people to have access while excluding everyone else. Some of the other folks in similar situations might have some tips or you could share yours with them that way.
  • JaseyMakesHerMove
    JaseyMakesHerMove Posts: 37
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    I've felt this way before, I binge eat and I close it on days when I binge. However, if you feel like someone is repeatedly putting you down and not being CONSTRUCTIVE then you should delete them. However, I think you should reopen it because you probably have more friends who will support your honest logging than friends who will tear you down.

    Also, I hope you get settled soon so you can feel more on track. I'm sure you're doing fine though. :)
  • cbbarge
    cbbarge Posts: 250 Member
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    Relish your accomplishments like losing the soda but don't punish yourself for what you might be lacking. We all have our issues to deal with so none of us is perfect. This journey is about better choices, if you feel that you are making the best choices you can, given your circumstances, then you have no reason to be ashamed. It's your choice to open your diary or not. I probably would only open to friends, since why do I give a flying flip about what random strangers think!

    You say that you can't buy your own food, can you go shopping with your brother and help him make some better food choices for both of you? Even on a tight budget, you can still find decent cheap food choices. Sounds like there isn't much cooking going on. If you can get your brother to buy some healthier food maybe you can offer to cook it.
  • gimpygramma
    gimpygramma Posts: 383 Member
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    First of all congratulate yourself if you have continued to write down all that you have eaten each day, good and bad.
    That takes courage. Many people keep a diary when they are being "good" but then drop out when they are not eating well.
    Secondly, the choice is not just between an open diary and a closed one. You can choose to share your diary only with people who will treat you respectfully. You might want to seek friends who can give you some ideas for eating healthy on a very limited budget....share recipes and that kind of thing. Sounds to me like your diary is making you very aware of how you are eating and that is half the battle.
    Hugs and good luck,
  • Levedi
    Levedi Posts: 290 Member
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    May I make a suggestion about eating healthy on a tight budget? I'm saying this from years of being on a tight budget myself, just to share the love, not shame you.

    Try replacing breakfast foods like cereal and bacon with homemade oatmeal. It's cheap, but it's also good for you. I find that I crash less before lunch when I have oatmeal, so I'm less likely to over eat later in the day. Add some brown sugar and milk, or raisins - healthy sugars and dairy. Also buy whole chickens instead of cuts of meat. Whole chicken is 99 cents a pound in my area right now - cheaper than hamburger. (If you've never roasted a chicken before, it's easy. Cut an onion into four pieces and stuff the cavity. Put potatoes and carrots around the chicken. Tada! A whole meal.) You can freeze any left overs or use them in sandwiches. Just these two changes will help with the budget and the calorie counts.

    Good for you keeping up the walks by the way! You deserve credit for getting your exercise and you can feel proud of yourself for that.
  • mstifb
    mstifb Posts: 230
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    There are a few options:

    -Make it private

    -Be very selective with your friends list and make it only available to friends

    -Put a password on it that you only give to friends who fully understand the parameters that you are forced to work within

    You're doing very well, so you have much to be proud of. Most people here are on a budget, and there are also folks who live with relatives and have to work within what the entire household is purchasing. If you find some of those folks, that's where password protecting your diary becomes helpful as you can select specific people to have access while excluding everyone else. Some of the other folks in similar situations might have some tips or you could share yours with them that way.

    I^ I agree with what this person said! ^
  • raylenebrooks
    raylenebrooks Posts: 137 Member
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    Mine is closed and only opened for friends because people are mean and I do not need it. From not eating clean to not eating enough ughhh it is hard enough to figure my body out and how to lose weight I do not need to be judged for my choices.
  • jazee11
    jazee11 Posts: 321
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    I keep my diary open for all to see. No one has scolded me. I think the main purpose of keeping the diary is for your information. I wouldn't worry what others think. This is your journey and a diary is one of the tools available to you so you can achieve your goals. I don't think anyone needs to see it unless you ask for constructive feed back. People shouldn't be making unsolicited comments on what you put into your mouth.
  • gaylelynnmc
    gaylelynnmc Posts: 41
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    You must do what is best for you...you are doing great just by being here and making entries in your diary...please don't let the stress of it all get to you...just do what makes you happy...if you need advice I am sure you will ask for it...hugs!!
  • caswell806
    caswell806 Posts: 42 Member
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    You do what helps YOU to move along in YOUR journey. Everyone's is different and if that means keeping it to yourself, so be it. You will attain your goal at your own pace. I know you will
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
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    Try putting a password on your diary, give it only to those you feel comfortable sharing with.. then try opening it to friends only.. then if you feel up to it, make it public! =) Also.. if you have friends on here that make you feel ashamed for things that they shouldn't, then consider deleting them. Everyone on here should be helpful.. like they shouldn't yell at you or be mean to you for going over.. (unless you want friends like that..) They should offer helpful suggestions on how to do better tomorrow =)

    Good luck!
  • Willbenchforcupcakes
    Willbenchforcupcakes Posts: 4,955 Member
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    There are a few options:

    -Make it private

    -Be very selective with your friends list and make it only available to friends

    -Put a password on it that you only give to friends who fully understand the parameters that you are forced to work within

    You're doing very well, so you have much to be proud of. Most people here are on a budget, and there are also folks who live with relatives and have to work within what the entire household is purchasing. If you find some of those folks, that's where password protecting your diary becomes helpful as you can select specific people to have access while excluding everyone else. Some of the other folks in similar situations might have some tips or you could share yours with them that way.
    This. I know for me personally, I look first at your calorie and macro targets, then tend to glance over the rest until I get an idea of what you eat long term. I have never called someone out on junk (and I do have multiple friends that fast food is on the menu daily), but I do call out on severe under eating.
  • kuger4119
    kuger4119 Posts: 213 Member
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    First, I don't have many MFP friends but I've never had anyone complain about my foods.

    Second, you can go to your settings and quit tracking sodium. Personally, I try to drink a lot of water and just not worry about the sodium and haven't looked at my intake in months. If you don't have the sodium listed......they can't ***** about it. I track cholesterol and sugar along with the protein, carbs and fat. For me, that is more important since I'm prone to high cholesterol and have a family history of diabetes. I still allow myself 70 g of sugar per day, which far exceeds MFP recommendations because I feel comfortable at that level and could give a crap about what others think.
  • rudimae
    rudimae Posts: 107
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    Is there a reason you wanted to have it open? Because from what you are saying, there doesn't seem to be any advantage to doing so. As someone else pointed out, one of the main reasons to have your food diary open is to get feedback from others about what you are eating, suggestions on improving it, etc.

    But it doesn't sound as though you don't know what to eat so much as you aren't able to get it at this time. So any suggestions from people who look at your diary would be of limited use to you, I think.

    The idea of it seems to be causing you stress. I'm curious as to why you would even consider it in your current situation.
  • ChristieDF
    ChristieDF Posts: 178 Member
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    I have mine private for that reason. I try to eat healthy but when I want a burger or something I don't want to be jusdged for it. I do my exercise and just keeping up with everything is great for me. You are keeping up and tracking it and that's great for you. Keep it locked... Keep up the great work. Good luck with all your accomplishments.
  • ChihakuZeal
    ChihakuZeal Posts: 65
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    I actually do go shopping with him and he buys the groceries, so I try to get as many healthy things as possible within that budget limit.
    And yeah, you are right, there is really hardly any real cooking whatsoever, it's basically put it in the oven for 15 minutes and it's ready.
    Luckily we did get some hamburger helper he made, and it was well cooked and such.

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