Should I or shouldnt I?
I am a stay at home mom and I babysit. I have been babysitting a little boy and he will be 3 in october. His mother still brings him with a pacifier (bb) and a blankie. I am the one who got him to start potty training along side my daughter who just turned two. He still poops himself and he peed on my floor yesterday. The mother works a lot and other people watch her son but it just seems plain lazy to me to pop a pacifier in his mouth every time he wines. he has many cavaties and he is just so babyish for his age. he even cries when given water to drink because he wants juice and milk all the time, which she gives him. should I say something to her about all this or should I just grin and bear it?
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It's a fine line to cross, it's knowing if she will take your words as help or interference. I mean nobody really likes to be told how to parent their own children but sometimes some gentle guidance is just fine and needed.
It would really depend on the type of person you think this lady is, do you think she will take kindly to some suggestions?0 -
I don't think she really cares what people think. She had posted a pic of her son on fb with a backpack on saying he was wanting to go to school and someone commented that he had a binky. she commented that she didn't want to hear him whine and someone else called her lazy. she just uses it to plug him up.0
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It doesn't sound like saying anything to the mum will do anything - but how about working on the boy himself. Explaining that a pacifier is for a younger child or just if he is upset/tired, show him that your daughter doesn't have one and she is younger etc - a sort of reverse psychology. I don't see any harm in him having a confort blanket, especially if he goes from one person to the next, it is nice he has something consistent with him.0
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I wouldn't say anything. Just "parent" him as you would your child while he is in your care and let her do her thing. Unless you're willing to risk the chance of her not brining him to you any longer - I'd stay out of it.
3 with a paci is not *that* bad. If he likes milk - then give him that. Try giving him Propel (my daughter hated water, but she'd drink Propel without problem)0 -
No.0
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Are you a primary caregiver for this child? Do you keep him all day most days or a few hours per week? If you are the primary caregiver during the week, then set it up like a preschool and have rules. My children went to a home preschool when they were young and they followed her rules for potty training, pacis, naps, and all that. If we had special rules about things, we talked them out with the caregiver. The real issue here is consistency. Don't start changing things up just because you have a preference. But if you have a set of *rules,* then enforce them. Just don't be surprised if the mother has a bit of a whiplash reaction to start off with.
OTOH, if you're caring for the child just a few hours per week I'd let it go.0 -
You're too nice. Make some rules. It isn't your job to be parent to this child because his can't be bothered. My step-son goes to daycare and they require the children to be able to do certain things like go to the bathroom and take naps and such. 3 is way to old to have those behaviors - lazy parents piss me off.0
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You're too nice. Make some rules. It isn't your job to be parent to this child because his can't be bothered. My step-son goes to daycare and they require the children to be able to do certain things like go to the bathroom and take naps and such. 3 is way to old to have those behaviors - lazy parents piss me off.
^^THIS. While 3 may be early for toileting, the problem here is that he won't get reinforcement at home. Ban the pacifier, encourage use of the toilet, require HER to provide pull-ups.0 -
Mind your own business... no one likes unsolicited advice.0
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I watch him 3-5 days a week. Along with me watching him, he spends a lot of time at her parents house, her boyfriend watches him, and she sends him over to her soon to be ex husband's family's house. I do believe having a pacifier is "that bad" because his teeth are already visibly showing cavities and the top is starting to form outward. I make him put it in his bag when he is here and he is not allowed to have it. I let him have his blanket at naptime if he asks for it. Another problem is that he always seems to have something in his mouth to take the place of the pacifier. either his blanket, or a toy. That to me is a germ issue. And because of him being used to having that stupid thing in his mouth, he cant control his drool! Drives me friggn nuts!!! My daughter just turned two and i threw her pacifiers out at a year, and she hasn't had a potty accident in two days.0
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I would say nothing. It's her child, and essentially her decision how she wants to parent him. It's not always how WE would parent him, but then again, he's not ours to parent.
She will pay the price for letting him have a soother too long in the form of dental work later on. Let the dentist be the one to tell her.0 -
If you said anything to me about my kid I would find a new babysitter.
Honestly, as a parent you know that you have to find a sitter that works well with you. I was very lucky and found an amazing babysitter from day 1. We complement eachother in our "parenting" styles, so my daughter knows exactly what to expect.0 -
you are being paid to care for the child, not give advice. Unless you think there is abuse going on (then you notify DHS) you need to stay out of it. Provide quality care while he is with you and thats all you can do. If you can not accept how she parents then I would suggest you stop watching him.0
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The saying goes, no child ( unless there is a developemental problem) goes on to college still with a binky and unpotty trained.............seems to be true. None of the kids in my college had a binky. I'd just let it go.0
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Mind your own business... no one likes unsolicited advice.
^^^THIS. I agree.
3 is still young for the potty. And I know plenty of parents that still let their 4 yr old have a pacifer at night. (myself included). I will be the one paying for dental bills. So who cares what other people think.0 -
I have a friend that gave her son a paci til recently and he is 4 yrs old
Everytime I watched him or when I go over to there house I say something about it being in his mouth! Is it easier to shove it in the their mouth..... YES, but it is only harming the kid in the end Shoving a paci in their mouth is only inhibiting the language skills, and mentally telling them that they are still a baby when they should be acting like a big boy.
I would lay down the law and say that a paci will not enter my house. Make a rule of leave the paci at the door! She will be amazed on how well this works for children!0 -
Just keep in mind that he is influencing your daughter...0
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I wouldn't begin to tell her how to parent her child, especially since you know she's only looking for the easy way out. As another poster said, love him as you do your own child, and hopefully he will adopt acceptable behaviors from your guidance. Restrict the pacifier to nap times, offer water to drink with a favorite snack (We want to keep our teeth shiny- let's drink some water to rinse them clean!), water down the juice you do offer. I've cared for children in the past who were borderline neglected; they do balk at first, but then they are relieved when someone sets loving boundaries. Best of luck & good for you for loving this baby enough to help him!
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I don't think pacifiers cause cavities. My son has his until he was almost 3 years old and has none. FWIW he had medical issues and we were told to let him have his as long as he wanted it and let him self wean. He was tube fed all of his nutrition from about 9 weeks old to around 2.5 years old. A pacifier was his only oral stimulation keeping those muscles strong.
As far as potty training, when my son went to day care at 3, they had to be 100% potty trained. He was almost 4 as he was born right after our state's legal cut off date for school. But, he also had major urological issues that caused him to be potty trained later, think surgery 3 times on his boy part, that will cause late potty training.
I would just let it be, unless you want her to yank him from your care and then you would be out of a part time job.0 -
Are you a primary caregiver for this child? Do you keep him all day most days or a few hours per week? If you are the primary caregiver during the week, then set it up like a preschool and have rules. My children went to a home preschool when they were young and they followed her rules for potty training, pacis, naps, and all that. If we had special rules about things, we talked them out with the caregiver. The real issue here is consistency. Don't start changing things up just because you have a preference. But if you have a set of *rules,* then enforce them. Just don't be surprised if the mother has a bit of a whiplash reaction to start off with.
OTOH, if you're caring for the child just a few hours per week I'd let it go.
Well said.
I don't think it is a big deal that he isn't potty trained yet but I would make sure that she is providing diapers and/or pull-ups.
And side note, my daughter never took to the pacifier and sucked her thumb for about 5 minutes. We are still going to pay a small fortune on her mouth. No cavities but because of the size and shape of her mouth, she will need braces and other dental work as the years go by.0 -
Just leave it alone. It's more trouble than it's work. And plus he'll be ok. My oldest daughter was a pacifier and blanket carrying baby until she was about 3. She gave up the pacifier on her own. She just threw it away in the trash and that was the end of it. Of course we talked to her about her being a big girl and encouraged her to stop sucking on it but did it on her terms. Does this make me a lazy mother for letting you go that long with a blanket and pacifier? I would hope not.
My advice to you is to just let it be or encourage the child to be a big boy and to part with it also give him some kind of reward to work towards for potty training.0 -
Exactly! I started watching him a year ago and it wasn't such a big deal but then my daughter started wanting her own pacifier more. So in the trash they went and that's when I started making him put his in his bag. It is plain LAZY to let a 3,4 year old (and beyond) have a pacifier AT ALL! All that shows is that parents are too lazy to teach their kids self- soothing techniques and make them rely on a piece of plastic in their mouths. I show him all the love I show my children and I try to teach him independent skills. BTW, 3 is not young to potty train. If a child hasn't started potty training by then, unless there is a developmental problem, it is again LAZINESS of the parents.Just keep in mind that he is influencing your daughter...
I actually stopped watching a set of sisters because the oversized (obese) 6 year old was a compulsive liar and she yanked my little girls hair and lied about it. Over a year's worth of issues I reported to her parents and when I decided enough was enough the father got mad at me and told me my job as the babysitter was to take care of the problem not get rid of it. hmmmm how about the term "parenting" .0 -
Exactly! I started watching him a year ago and it wasn't such a big deal but then my daughter started wanting her own pacifier more. So in the trash they went and that's when I started making him put his in his bag. It is plain LAZY to let a 3,4 year old (and beyond) have a pacifier AT ALL! All that shows is that parents are too lazy to teach their kids self- soothing techniques and make them rely on a piece of plastic in their mouths. I show him all the love I show my children and I try to teach him independent skills. BTW, 3 is not young to potty train. If a child hasn't started potty training by then, unless there is a developmental problem, it is again LAZINESS of the parents.Just keep in mind that he is influencing your daughter...
I actually stopped watching a set of sisters because the oversized (obese) 6 year old was a compulsive liar and she yanked my little girls hair and lied about it. Over a year's worth of issues I reported to her parents and when I decided enough was enough the father got mad at me and told me my job as the babysitter was to take care of the problem not get rid of it. hmmmm how about the term "parenting" .
WOW!!..... Judgmental much? :huh: :noway:
Eta- Maybe babysitting isn't for you since EVERY other parent is so unfit...0 -
My doctor insisted my twins be off bottles at one and paci at 2. We were totally potty trained by 3.
I don't agree with lazy parenting and though theres nothing that says "pacifiers cause cavities" if this parent is not parenting, I'm going to gurantee you that teeth aren't brushed before bed etc.
Its very difficult to be around a child that you KNOW is capeable of being on target at a certain age and where the parents don't find the time to get them there. It will bite her in the a** when she goes to put him in school and they refuse him because he is behind.
I probably would just institute the rule that in your house, no paci and he must use the potty because he influences your daughter and YOUR REAL JOB is to teach your daughter correctly.
It's VERY hard to be around other peoples children...especially if you don't agree with their parenting style, but this is the job that you've chosen so unfortunately, you have to deal with it.
All the best! Good luck!0
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