To keep a friend or not to keep?

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BioShocked89
BioShocked89 Posts: 330 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have a friend who I've known since 9th grade and she moved away from our hometown about 2 years ago. We've kept in touch over the phone and we spend long hours talking to each other every now and then.

I talk to her about things I can't speak about with my other friends. I find it easier talking to her about any issues I have because she can give me the blunt truth, and tell me if I'm in the wrong. And I can do the same with her.

I have a bunch of family issues that I've complained about on several different occasions (I've told her to tell me if I'm boring her or if it's something she doesn't care to hear about, and I'll change the subject.). She has told me in the past when I'm speaking about something she doesn't want to hear and I've changed the subject for her. Which is why this boggles my mind:

As I was speaking about once such family issue, instead of telling me to change the subject, she proceeds to yell, "I don't care! I don't want to hear about them (boyfriend's family)-they're ****ing pathetic!"

I immediately said, "Yeah? I've got to go, bye." and hung up. I haven't spoken to her since. She called and left a half-@-$-$ed apology a few days ago. Why didn't she just ask me to stop talking about it like all the other times I've spoken about stuff she's not interested in?

I don't know if I should call her back and speak to her about it or just continue not to contact her. I'm one of the few friends she has kept around for more than a few years. Did she perceive my life as more pathetic than hers, and kept me around to say, "Well, at least I'm not you."? That has been her M.O. for everyone else around us...am I any different or not?


Call and confront or let it die?

Replies

  • dzvinka82
    dzvinka82 Posts: 33
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    Although what she said was hurtful, I would get over it, she was probably just PMSing or having a bad day. Don't give up on a best friend over a little tiff!

    Good luck :)
  • ElizabethSami
    ElizabethSami Posts: 67
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    I really wouldn't take this to heart...maybe she was just frustrated with her own problems and took it out on u that day. I also think there might have been times where she didn't really want to hear about it but did cause she is your friend and wants to support you. I think you should call her and ask why and if there is something that was/is bothering her.
  • Agator82
    Agator82 Posts: 249 Member
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    I would suggest you judge favorably, perhaps she was really struggling with something that day and acted badly. We have all done it.. Call her up, clear the air and work past it, a friend is too valuable a commodity to get rid of so quickly.
  • DeeMiss
    DeeMiss Posts: 47 Member
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    Hmmm. I don't know. Friends are there for support. Although sometimes I don't condone my friends actions or reaction to certain situations in there lives, listening is part of what friends do.

    I wouldn't cut someone off, or ask to change the subject unless it was an issue that was always the main topic. I think her yelling was a bit out of line, but she prob has reasons behind it. Find out those, and then make your decision.

    Maybe she gave you advice your not taking, and that hurt her pride. Maybe she really doesn't like his fam. Maybe she has alot of issue's right now, and needs to get them off her mind, before she can listen to yours.

    I would have a conversation, and find out the root cause,and then come to a decision about her level of friendship in the future;)
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
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    I'm going to be honest. You need to learn to pick up on non verbal cues when it comes to unloading on your friends. I have had a friend for about 15 years, She started having problems in her marriage about 7 years ago, I listened to her DAILY about her issues, she'd ask my advice, I would give her solid advice, which she always made excuses for not taking, instead getting into an affair with an ex boyfriend, I kept telling her to file divorce instead of going the affair route, but again she ignored it, then her affair was found out, which put her in turmoil with her husband (obviously), for a good year, every week or so she was either going to get divorced, or then staying with her husband, I listened, I gave advice, etc. in August of last year I got laid of my job, I'm not married, I'm single and I have a mortgage, it's very stressful to lose half your income and with the economy the way it is, it's hard not to get a job right away when you have so many skills and yet everyday, she's emailing me about her divorce, never asks about me, never cares one iota about the stresses I'm under. I expressed to her I was exasperated with the constant drama in her life, I told her flat out I was tired of hearing it, that I was tired of her being so selfish and one sided with our conversations and yet it continued finally I hit my wall, after listening to her for 7+ years, her never taking my advice she put a very passive aggressive post on Facebook about me, and I said F-U. I don't like passive aggressive behavior, she knows that, she should have just approached me about it, and I just cut her right out of my life, done. Deleted her out of facebook, blocked her calls on my home phone and cell phone and blocked on her email. DONE!

    Don't let your friendships turn into a one sided therapy session...friends can only take only take so much, we all have problems, and even if she's not unloading on you, maybe she needs a friend to listen some time. If you have a lot of family issues, I suggest going to see a counselor, they are unbiased and are there to listen. Don't overburden your friends. I miss my friend, but I'm not willing to be her therapist unless she is paying me.

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