nsv and success but yet need acknowledgement :(
lin7604
Posts: 2,951 Member
well i FINALLY can say i have almost completed my goal but still feel in the dumps about my loss. I am short 5 ft 2 inches and started out at 140/142, i now weigh 123, goal of 120. I know i should feel great about my success so far and that i have dropped from a size 9/10 even a 11 down to a size 3-5 but for some reason i feel i need the praise from others to notice my hard work. NOT 1 person has mentioned my loss at all, yet they were so eager to mention it when i was gaining! so i feel like my success isn`t that great since no one has noticed it... I know i did this for me in general but why does not getting one comment from anyone else bother me so much......
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Replies
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Almost 20 lbs. lost is a huge accomplishment! You should be very proud of yourself and be confident in the knowledge that you worked hard for it. People may or may not come around, but it's all about how YOU feel about yourself! I know it's easier said than done, but your success shouldn't be measured by whether or not others acknowledge it. Be proud! :flowerforyou:0
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First, CONGRATULATIONS! Weight loss is hard, and you've done a fantastic job.
Second, people around us don't tend to notice weight loss as much because it tends to happen more slowly, and is less obvious, than weight gain.
Also, if you're like me, your entire wardrobe has been designed to conceal your body for so long that buying clothes that actually fit properly and show off the buff new bod is just too weird to contemplate. I've been overweight since I was 12. That's over 30 years of being fat, and the concealment habits are so terribly hard to break.
Finally, remember - you ARE doing this for YOU. Set yourself a goal that is in keeping with your new fitness level and reward yourself that way. Do a charity run, bike ride, whatever.0 -
It bothers you b/c compliments make us feel great
You've done hard work and would like others to notice and there is nothing wrong with that If there are others who said things about you gaining could it be they are resentful you've lost it now? IDK, some are like that, esp if they are rude enough to make comments about gaining. Going from a 9 to a 3 or 5 is a great accomplishment and like you said, feel good about doing this for you and don't let others drag you down! 0 -
20 pounds if freakin awesome. If it were me, I would be going up to strangers on the street saying "Guess What, I just lost 20 pounds" because I would be so excited lol. Be proud of yourself, Own your weight loss and don't stress about whether or not others notice, you do and that's what is important.
You are doing a great job, keep it up. 0 -
thank you everyone....i guess for me i have always been slim until after i had my son, that is when i put of weight and kept it on. i figured so many would of seen that i have lost b/c they have always known me as being heavier and i don't see them all the time either... i know it can be a tough thing to say to someone " did you lose weight" as they may feel uncomfortable but then why make a comment when you are gaining? you think that would be harder to do.....???? i think i do need to hear the compliment as it does make you feel good when you hear something positive and makes you realize all this hard work is paying off. it's been a long road, the weight didn't come off easy. I started last nov and had a 20 lb goal and i still haven't met it yet, still have 3 lbs to go. I was shocked when we went shopping this weekend that i was able to get into a 3 in some makes, otherwise i bought 5's. so i felt on cloud nine... then i wondered why can't anyone else see my hard work? well besides my hubby. I am lower then my pre pregnancy weight and almost at my wedding weight when i was 22, i am now almost 36. i know i need to pat myself on the back but sure woudl be nice for someone else to do it to
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that's a huge accomplishment!! we all need to hear we did good. it boosts our self esteem! its hard doing what we're doing. you've done amazingly well!!
if others don't notices its because either like you said its wierd to them to ask if you lost weight....or maybe, just maybe their jealous and its hard for them to compliment when it makes them feel bad about themselves.
i have one sil that praises me ALL the time and the other who is very large that doesn't.0 -
I feel your pain. Years ago I had lost 15 lbs since the last time I had seen my MIL and SIL. When I saw them, they said not one word. That hurt. SIL was overweight and I thought surely she would notice and be glad for me. Not. But I know now that people don't like for us to change-esp. in the looks area. It's a threat to them, somehow. And of course, it's all about them-ha-ha.
Don't know why but some people need time to adjust to the new you, even though they have been watching the whole time. Maybe it's a reminder of things they wanted to do but did not succeed at and this turns into a feeling that if you hadn't succeeded, they wouldn't be feeling bad right now about not succeeding.
Please take pride in your accomplishment. You have done so well and you will reach your goal. Take satisfaction in your accomplishment and don't worry about those folks who can't be encouraging. Most will come around when they wrap their minds around it and stop letting it be all about them. In fact, you should be all about you right now. You have hit a major milestone in this journey-be proud. WTG!0 -
First, CONGRATULATIONS! Weight loss is hard, and you've done a fantastic job.
Second, people around us don't tend to notice weight loss as much because it tends to happen more slowly, and is less obvious, than weight gain.
Also, if you're like me, your entire wardrobe has been designed to conceal your body for so long that buying clothes that actually fit properly and show off the buff new bod is just too weird to contemplate. I've been overweight since I was 12. That's over 30 years of being fat, and the concealment habits are so terribly hard to break.
Finally, remember - you ARE doing this for YOU. Set yourself a goal that is in keeping with your new fitness level and reward yourself that way. Do a charity run, bike ride, whatever.
soooo this^
Also try buying a new outfit (nothing raunchy of course) that will show off your new figure better than your "old clothes". Even if they don't comment...they'll notice!
Congratulations BTW...20lbs is a great achievement! :flowerforyou:0 -
I understand totally! It is really nice to have someone else acknowledge your hard work and persistence, even though you are doing it totally for yourself! You have done fantastically! Congratulations!
I have experienced this as well. There are some folks who have said nothing tome even after an 80 pound loss on this 5'3" body.
I have noticed some things over the last few weeks though. so, here's some food for thought..
1. It really makes a difference who notices and who doesn't. Example, my chiropractor (extremely health conscious person) noticed, asked how I was losing and made a very brief comment that really encouraged me.. "I admire you, and others who work toward being healthy and fit.. it takes exactly the same type of physical and mental determination as olympic athletes in training". I never thought of myself like an olympic athlete in all my life.. now I'm thinking of myself as "Going for the Gold" That did a lot for me.. just think.. you're just like an olympian!
2. My neighbours - the husband is a personal trainer and has given me a couple of really nice compliments and encouraging words over the last month or so (after 70 pounds lost). The other night they shared this story: "We were driving up to the house and Lori asked who was working in Gwen's flowerbed.. hubby said.. well, it's Gwen.. you HAVEN'T NOTICED?" apparently hubby noticed, but wife didn't. She sheepishly said to me after, "I'm sorry.. I really just see you as Gwen.. I never paid attention to your body.. good for you!" Perhaps some folks see you just for you and make no judgements of you because of your body type.. how great is that??
Note that the people who did notice are in the 'body business'.. they see bodies all the time and the effects of extra weight.
I think there are several people who don't know what it's like to even try to lose weight, so they don't know how hard it is.
There are others who don't really pay attention to our bodies - bless them for loving us just the same at any size!
There are others, too, whose minds are just on sooo many other things, that they haven't paid attention.
There's so many reasons why we don't get the acknowledgement we would dearly love.. when you do get a comment, treasure it, take some 'after' photos of yourself... it helps. I even have a really inexpensive fake tiara I wear around the house for a few minutes on days when I record a loss..it makes me feel like a queen for a moment. Whatever works for you.. do it! You are wonderful.. be proud - it's allowed!0 -
Wow that's a shame. I've been in your position before and had similar stats. It does feel pretty crappy when nobody seems to care about your loss even though they made comments about your weight when you were heavier. It seems like people only notice your weight loss when you have a lot of weight to lose (like over 50 pounds). With that said, I think you've done an incredible job. Losing 20 pounds is a huge accomplishment for anyone because weight loss is never easy. Congrats on your loss and please be happy for yourself regardless of how others act toward you.0
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First, CONGRATULATIONS! Weight loss is hard, and you've done a fantastic job.
Second, people around us don't tend to notice weight loss as much because it tends to happen more slowly, and is less obvious, than weight gain.
Also, if you're like me, your entire wardrobe has been designed to conceal your body for so long that buying clothes that actually fit properly and show off the buff new bod is just too weird to contemplate. I've been overweight since I was 12. That's over 30 years of being fat, and the concealment habits are so terribly hard to break.
Finally, remember - you ARE doing this for YOU. Set yourself a goal that is in keeping with your new fitness level and reward yourself that way. Do a charity run, bike ride, whatever.
soooo this^
Also try buying a new outfit (nothing raunchy of course) that will show off your new figure better than your "old clothes". Even if they don't comment...they'll notice!
Congratulations BTW...20lbs is a great achievement! :flowerforyou:
i did this weekend as none of my clothes were fitting... that is where i realized how many sizes i went down, i am smaller then i imagines, back to my wedding day ( 2000)0 -
Wow that's a shame. I've been in your position before and had similar stats. It does feel pretty crappy when nobody seems to care about your loss even though they made comments about your weight when you were heavier. It seems like people only notice your weight loss when you have a lot of weight to lose (like over 50 pounds). With that said, I think you've done an incredible job. Losing 20 pounds is a huge accomplishment for anyone because weight loss is never easy. Congrats on your loss and please be happy for yourself regardless of how others act toward you.
Very well said MizCJ840 -
I understand totally! It is really nice to have someone else acknowledge your hard work and persistence, even though you are doing it totally for yourself! You have done fantastically! Congratulations!
I have experienced this as well. There are some folks who have said nothing tome even after an 80 pound loss on this 5'3" body.
I have noticed some things over the last few weeks though. so, here's some food for thought..
1. It really makes a difference who notices and who doesn't. Example, my chiropractor (extremely health conscious person) noticed, asked how I was losing and made a very brief comment that really encouraged me.. "I admire you, and others who work toward being healthy and fit.. it takes exactly the same type of physical and mental determination as olympic athletes in training". I never thought of myself like an olympic athlete in all my life.. now I'm thinking of myself as "Going for the Gold" That did a lot for me.. just think.. you're just like an olympian!
2. My neighbours - the husband is a personal trainer and has given me a couple of really nice compliments and encouraging words over the last month or so (after 70 pounds lost). The other night they shared this story: "We were driving up to the house and Lori asked who was working in Gwen's flowerbed.. hubby said.. well, it's Gwen.. you HAVEN'T NOTICED?" apparently hubby noticed, but wife didn't. She sheepishly said to me after, "I'm sorry.. I really just see you as Gwen.. I never paid attention to your body.. good for you!" Perhaps some folks see you just for you and make no judgements of you because of your body type.. how great is that??
Note that the people who did notice are in the 'body business'.. they see bodies all the time and the effects of extra weight.
I think there are several people who don't know what it's like to even try to lose weight, so they don't know how hard it is.
There are others who don't really pay attention to our bodies - bless them for loving us just the same at any size!
There are others, too, whose minds are just on sooo many other things, that they haven't paid attention.
There's so many reasons why we don't get the acknowledgement we would dearly love.. when you do get a comment, treasure it, take some 'after' photos of yourself... it helps. I even have a really inexpensive fake tiara I wear around the house for a few minutes on days when I record a loss..it makes me feel like a queen for a moment. Whatever works for you.. do it! You are wonderful.. be proud - it's allowed!
you brought up some very valid point i never thought of, thank you. I know my last dr appt my dr weighed me and was happy and said that i had lost all the water weight and was losing actual fat now. She reminded me that she didn't want me going under 120 though, i was 130 at the time a 10 lbs loss. I said oh no problem i only want to get to 125. well low and behold i weighed in at 123 the other day, was completely surprised... I will take her advice though and not go under 120, for what ever her reason are for that?0 -
Wow that's a shame. I've been in your position before and had similar stats. It does feel pretty crappy when nobody seems to care about your loss even though they made comments about your weight when you were heavier. It seems like people only notice your weight loss when you have a lot of weight to lose (like over 50 pounds). With that said, I think you've done an incredible job. Losing 20 pounds is a huge accomplishment for anyone because weight loss is never easy. Congrats on your loss and please be happy for yourself regardless of how others act toward you.
yes my thoughts exactly, they were quick to mention when i was gaining but yet no one sees my loss? i am smaller now then when i met half these people. In our new neighbour hood no one knew me before i had my son, so no one knew my size and weight i used to be, they only knew me as 20 lbs heavier and many sizes bigger......my neighbour was losing weight and our other neighbour was making comments to me about how sickly she was looking and she should stop losing weight ( she even told her that), i was at my heaviest at that point. I also did think she was over doing it as well with her exercising etc but i still acknowledged her on her loss asked her what she was doing, etc
some times i think on a bad day that maybe i haven't lost enough yet and that is why no one see it? but if my dr said not to go under 120 then i guess i shouldn't, right.... but i think if i lost about 5-7 then some might start to see it like you said, it will be a larger number....0 -
OMG OMG OMG, i am just beaming to the moon today!!! it was my son's 1st day of school and when i dropped him off at daycare the girls there mentioned / asked if i lost weight. I was so happy that FINALLY someone noticed the 20lbs loss!!!!!0
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Congratulations!!! And very excellent job!! I bet that the people who haven't seen you in a while will mention it more than those who see you every day. I have not yet had anyone notice my 15 pounds lost here,but I am happy that I feel better in my clothes. It's a great feeling inside! 0
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OMG OMG OMG, i am just beaming to the moon today!!! it was my son's 1st day of school and when i dropped him off at daycare the girls there mentioned / asked if i lost weight. I was so happy that FINALLY someone noticed the 20lbs loss!!!!!
YAY!!!!0 -
yes i haven't seen either of them since june, last day of school but i only lost 4 lbs since then... but i don't see many especially my friends as they all live far away, so you would think they would see it when i haven't seen them in 6 months or longer.... pathetic isn't it, i really need to get out more
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Wow! We're almost the same
I'm 5'0", started at 137 here on MFP and am now 118 (goal is 110-115). I met my husband at a 125lb weight that fluctuated to 130. I had our daughter in 2009 and gained 25lbs during pregnancy, so my HW was 155 (that was when she was still in me though) and I lost down to 135ish when she was out but I kind of didn't work out and eat right and smoked so... I was chubby LOL.
Recently I began losing enough that I needed new pants and new underwear, because they were both falling down ALL the time. Now granted, for whatever reason, my pants have fallen down since my husband's known me so he didn't really think much of it. Even when i bought new jeans he could tell I was toning up, but never really like a huge difference. My ego was blown :frown:
One day I put on a dress that used to be very body hugging on me (at 137). In that dress, for whatever reason, my husband suddenly realized I was over 15 lbs lighter than last time he saw me in it. Ever since then he's really noticed.
it's harder for those we live with and are around daily to notice, especially men sometimes. Any woman who isn't acknowledging it, I'd wager is jealous. I am lucky that the one girl friend that introduced me to MFP was very encouraging everytime I saw her and always told me i looked good enough to stop dieting and just eat what I wanted.
So my advice?... try on some different outfits that used to be... uncomfortable for you, that maybe your husband even liked you in, and see if he notices then?
Or maybe some new lingerie that you couldn't wear before.0 -
Well, congratulations to you for your success. 20 lbs lost is a great accomplishment. I've lost about 22 or 23 lbs. and still have some more to go before I'm where I want to be. I did this for myself and not for the compliments from others. It is my body and my health that I want to take care and I don't care what anyone else thinks. Be proud of yourself and don't be down on yourself. You have done a great job.:flowerforyou:0
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You should be so proud, not down in the dumps! Have you considered that people may have not said anything due to being jealous?
Besides, losing weight is about so much more than what other people see, it's about being confident, happy, and most importantly healthy. Think of your weight loss in actual terms. A stick of butter weighs 1/4lb, so you've lost the equivalent of 68/76 sticks of butter! How would you feel walking around with all of that strapped to your body now?
Just think all that fat you've worked off your body, off your waist and hips, away from your heart and arteries. You've done that, and that's amazing!0 -
Interesting this. I was just thinking today of telling a beau (years and years ago) that I'd lost 20#'s and he said "Where?" I was speechless. Sometimes, 20#'s is difficult for people to see when it's gone. Especially when we are around them "all the time." I know my own circle of peeps here haven't noticed the >30#'s I've lost, since I see them almost daily.
Congratulations and don't let it get you down! :flowerforyou:
-Pennie0 -
Wow! We're almost the same
I'm 5'0", started at 137 here on MFP and am now 118 (goal is 110-115). I met my husband at a 125lb weight that fluctuated to 130. I had our daughter in 2009 and gained 25lbs during pregnancy, so my HW was 155 (that was when she was still in me though) and I lost down to 135ish when she was out but I kind of didn't work out and eat right and smoked so... I was chubby LOL.
Recently I began losing enough that I needed new pants and new underwear, because they were both falling down ALL the time. Now granted, for whatever reason, my pants have fallen down since my husband's known me so he didn't really think much of it. Even when i bought new jeans he could tell I was toning up, but never really like a huge difference. My ego was blown :frown:
One day I put on a dress that used to be very body hugging on me (at 137). In that dress, for whatever reason, my husband suddenly realized I was over 15 lbs lighter than last time he saw me in it. Ever since then he's really noticed.
it's harder for those we live with and are around daily to notice, especially men sometimes. Any woman who isn't acknowledging it, I'd wager is jealous. I am lucky that the one girl friend that introduced me to MFP was very encouraging everytime I saw her and always told me i looked good enough to stop dieting and just eat what I wanted.
So my advice?... try on some different outfits that used to be... uncomfortable for you, that maybe your husband even liked you in, and see if he notices then?
Or maybe some new lingerie that you couldn't wear before.
see my husband is the one who notices the changes and has given me compliments along the entire way, it was everyone else that didn't notice or say anything. For some reason i need others to acknowledge it , to make me realize it is noticeable and i have done a good job... i still see myself at 142 and in a 9/10-11. so it's like i needed someone else to mention my hard work to make me realize i am actually doing a good job, someone , anyone other then my husband! I have tried on all my clothes and most of them are too big, so i knew it was working but i still didn't see it.. i know i am blind! lol i was 120 when i got married, 130 when i got pregnant and never been able to get under 130 since i had my son almost 6 years ago and eventually crept up to 142. i never thought i would get back to 125 or under ever! i don't want to be under 120 really and i am fine with my size now i just need to tone up more so i just don't look like a smaller version of the old me..0 -
I am going through the exact same thing. I have lost 28 pounds.....and the only person who mentioned anything was an Alzheimer's patient. I pretend she was having a lucid moment.
I hate , hate HATE that I want the acknowledgement of others, but I crave it. I should be and yes...I AM happy with the 28.
My friend just had gb surgery. she has lost in two weeks almost what it has taken me months to lose. I KNOW I am going to feel so jealous when people start telling her she looks great.....or way to go. I get so mad at myself for my feelings. She and I have the same group of friends. I am just pretty mixed up feeling and very frustrated with myself for feeling the way I do.0 -
glad to see i am not the only one who thinks like that! nice to not be alone....0
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Wow! We're almost the same
I'm 5'0", started at 137 here on MFP and am now 118 (goal is 110-115). I met my husband at a 125lb weight that fluctuated to 130. I had our daughter in 2009 and gained 25lbs during pregnancy, so my HW was 155 (that was when she was still in me though) and I lost down to 135ish when she was out but I kind of didn't work out and eat right and smoked so... I was chubby LOL.
Recently I began losing enough that I needed new pants and new underwear, because they were both falling down ALL the time. Now granted, for whatever reason, my pants have fallen down since my husband's known me so he didn't really think much of it. Even when i bought new jeans he could tell I was toning up, but never really like a huge difference. My ego was blown :frown:
One day I put on a dress that used to be very body hugging on me (at 137). In that dress, for whatever reason, my husband suddenly realized I was over 15 lbs lighter than last time he saw me in it. Ever since then he's really noticed.
it's harder for those we live with and are around daily to notice, especially men sometimes. Any woman who isn't acknowledging it, I'd wager is jealous. I am lucky that the one girl friend that introduced me to MFP was very encouraging everytime I saw her and always told me i looked good enough to stop dieting and just eat what I wanted.
So my advice?... try on some different outfits that used to be... uncomfortable for you, that maybe your husband even liked you in, and see if he notices then?
Or maybe some new lingerie that you couldn't wear before.
see my husband is the one who notices the changes and has given me compliments along the entire way, it was everyone else that didn't notice or say anything. For some reason i need others to acknowledge it , to make me realize it is noticeable and i have done a good job... i still see myself at 142 and in a 9/10-11. so it's like i needed someone else to mention my hard work to make me realize i am actually doing a good job, someone , anyone other then my husband! I have tried on all my clothes and most of them are too big, so i knew it was working but i still didn't see it.. i know i am blind! lol i was 120 when i got married, 130 when i got pregnant and never been able to get under 130 since i had my son almost 6 years ago and eventually crept up to 142. i never thought i would get back to 125 or under ever! i don't want to be under 120 really and i am fine with my size now i just need to tone up more so i just don't look like a smaller version of the old me..
I don't judge your wanting others (other than your husband) to acknowledge your awesome success, but to that I can't relate. In all honesty, while this was for me (because I have a horrible-horrible-horrible insecurity issue) it was also for my husband and I could care less if anyone else wants to acknowledge it.
The fact that even your husband notices means that other people do too. I don't know WHY anyone wouldn't say something because it's always a nice compliment to ask someone if they've lost weight. And it's not like you've dropped only 5lbs, it's 20! So it's noticeable. Again, even if they're your best friends... they may be jealous!0 -
thx. i know how great it felt yesterday to get that compliment and why wouldn't anyone else want to have that feeling? i always mention changes that i notice even if it's small, it's nice to see that smile on that other person... so that is why i was surprised that i still hadn't received a compliment in any shape or form.... but now i can say i finally have had one.0
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