What to do with unsupportive spouse???

vblair77
vblair77 Posts: 180 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
What do you all do when your faced with a very unsupportive partner? I am easily 100 lbs overweight. I am really giving it my ALL this time to lose weight. And my husband keeps laughing and buys me junk food. I tell him I'm trying to avoid the sweets and fried treats and he says "i just dont want you to float away!" Its just so unfair! I think part of it is own self image, he's ALSO easily 100 lbs overweight. But how do I combat this? I've asked him if he's trying to stop me from loseing weight, he laughs and says he's just joking. But its not a joke when he will go out of his way to buy an OFF LIMITS treat for me from a favorite OFF LIMITS place. I thought the first time was a fluke. But he keeps doing it. :cry:

How do I combat this, or get him to STOP doing it? :mad:

I'm trying so hard to lose weight. My hope is that I'll be a good example for him, we gained this weight together. But I feel like he's fighting my weight loss with everything he's got. I need some tactful ideas on how to handle this without giving in. And without feeling guilty for chewing him out. I get it that this is most likely happening because he feels threatened for some reason. I just dont know how to deal with it.

Replies

  • shaianna
    shaianna Posts: 13 Member
    idk i have the same problem to
  • HopefulLeigh
    HopefulLeigh Posts: 363 Member
    How do I combat this, or get him to STOP doing it? :mad:

    Okay, I am the absolute last person who will waste food. I love food. However, my husband was exactly like this when I started and after time and again of telling him, "No, thank you," and him not getting it I just stopped eating it. If it was from a restaurant, it got put into the fridge and then thrown away in three days if he hadn't eaten it. If it was chips or sweets, I tossed it in a cabinet and he eventually ate it or I'd give it to the neighbors.

    Just don't eat it. Only you can control what goes into your body.
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
    Down deep he's probably worried that as you lose weight you'll:

    a) find him unattractive - and -
    b) be more attractive to other potential mates

    (despite our high tech wizardry we're not that far removed from our primitive ancestors in many respects)

    Has he expressed any concerns over his own weight or health? Perhaps you need to find strategies that have him (even unwittingly) join you in your quest for better health - don't let him know something is healthy (perhaps a little creativity suggesting the opposite may entice him to eat something he normally wouldn't)
  • tikafly
    tikafly Posts: 184 Member
    He needs to know this isn't a whim of yours and that you are very serious about it.

    Find other ways to connect with your husband. My husband and I used to connect over food. We loved to wait until the kids went to bed and splurge. It was something we shared, and it was a way to connect. Your husband is so used to connecting with you through food, so this needs to be replaced or remedied somehow.

    Perhaps you could tell him that once a week you will appease him and eat something or go somewhere "off limits." Then, you can plan for it and enjoy it. I go out to dinner once a week with my family, and I plan for it so that I can try to make sure I stay under or close to my calories for the day. I also make sure I get a good workout in this day. Nothing is really "off limits" for me as long as I plan for it and it's not an everyday thing.
  • toysbigkid
    toysbigkid Posts: 545 Member
    maybe it's fear you'll put him on a diet too and maybe that's what he doesn't want. Ask him to talk to you about it, reassure him there's nothing going to be put on him that he doesn't want. If it's not that maybe he's insecure about you getting there and leaving him behind. Communication is best if you can get him to talk about it. Good luck!
  • AmyP619
    AmyP619 Posts: 1,137 Member
    Try to get him to do it with you!!! I always used to try to lose weight on my own, and it never worked. His go-to was, "let's go out to eat tonight!" and of course, me having no will power, would agree. He finally came home one day and said... "I have an appt with a nutritionist, and I think we should do this weight loss thing together." That was like music to my ears!!!!! We started this together on May 7, it's been 4 months, and combined we've lost about 70 lbs! It's SO much easier when you have a partner! This is our life style change..not a diet! We're in it for the long haul. Remind him that it's not all about weight... you both need to be healthy so you can live until you're 90 TOGETHER!!!
  • Livibird65
    Livibird65 Posts: 7
    This is a great test of your determination. Don't psychoanalyse him, don't blame him for giving into temptation. Take him and all other tempters out of the equation. Stick to YOUR goal. I think it's best to use this as a training ground for all tempation that you are going to have to deal with in the outside world. I find that meditation is a good tool but takes a bit of getting used to and resolve (I bought this one lately and it works for me - Splendor of Meditation, quit unhealthy habits through self-hypnonsis - Dr. Siddharth Ashvin Shah). Good luck.
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
    Keep telling yourself that nothing tastes as good as thin will feel (I know I know - Naomi Campbell caught heck for saying that but it's true). I got my hubby to stop bringing home my favorite almond filled croissant - I told him that I appreciated his sweet and kind gesture but I can wait for a few months - it will taste the same. You could always tell your husband that it won't matter after he is dead from a heart attack / stroke caused by untreated sleep apnea and that you WILL end up marrying again. The truth is that he sounds a little insecure - if you lose weight, you will lose your attraction to your husband and find someone else. Agree with the other posters - it will be a challenge but you will be so much more successful if he joins your weight loss effort. Don't have an easy answer for you - sorry.
  • AmyP619
    AmyP619 Posts: 1,137 Member
    Try to get him to do it with you!!! I always used to try to lose weight on my own, and it never worked. His go-to was, "let's go out to eat tonight!" and of course, me having no will power, would agree. He finally came home one day and said... "I have an appt with a nutritionist, and I think we should do this weight loss thing together." That was like music to my ears!!!!! We started this together on May 7, it's been 4 months, and combined we've lost about 70 lbs! It's SO much easier when you have a partner! This is our life style change..not a diet! We're in it for the long haul. Remind him that it's not all about weight... you both need to be healthy so you can live until you're 90 TOGETHER!!!

    With this said.. it is NOT a diet. We still have our cheat meal once a week. We have not eliminated ANYTHING from our diets because it's a lifestyle. You can be healthy while still eating what you love..in moderation!!!

    If he isn't into this idea... then try your hardest to turn down those temptations he brings home! I for one KNOW how hard that is. My will power was always pretty much non existent. You can do it!!!!
  • ephemerata
    ephemerata Posts: 82 Member
    there are two possibilities here that are deeply intwined.

    1. this may be his preferred way to show love. some people are givers. ;) in the past, it was probably okay for him to bring you treats, right?

    2. he may be worried that you're going to lose weight, get healthy, and leave him behind -- mentally, emotionally, or physically. i doubt he's actively trying to be subversive, but there may be some fear ingrained in him that he can't change, and if you change, you won't love him or respect him as much as you did when you were unhealthy too.
  • sassi5
    sassi5 Posts: 49
    When he hands it to you throw it in the trash out of the bag that way you dont eat it and it sends a message he is throwing his money in the trash!
  • Belliny
    Belliny Posts: 66
    maybe once you lose weight he will realize that it dose work and he will want to get healthy too. just set the example for him. don't eat what he buys and cook healthy foods for both.
  • 2012asv
    2012asv Posts: 702 Member
    My husband was doing that also, but it was not with the intention of sabotaging my efforts. That was just his way of being sweet. I appreciated it but also made it VERY clear to him that this makes it VERY hard for me to stay on track with my goals.

    Now, when he wants to bring home "bad" food he will ask me first :)
  • TheNewDodge
    TheNewDodge Posts: 607 Member
    I'd probably start by talking to them about it.
  • deckpen
    deckpen Posts: 4
    Start showing him the labels on the foods he is giving you against what you should be eating a day to meet your MFP goals. Also look in the food and nutrition section and make some of the low calorie meals and share with him to show that it can taste good and be low calorie.

    I started on my own withouy anyone else joining once they started to realize what they were eating a day the whole family made the change. Remember this is much more than a diet this is a life style change otherwise it is a waste of time.

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