How to handle an unsupportive environment

davidjohnb17
davidjohnb17 Posts: 36 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I started my lifestyle change yesterday and as I know i've lost a bunch of weight before and been a comfortable healthy weight I know I can do it again. However i've recently moved back in with my Dad and he is quite seriously obese. I've tried convincing him to join me in this since he actually needs to change more than I do but he refuses claiming we're both just "naturally fat". With that I know he's going to continue filling the cupboards and the fridge with fatty and sugary rubbish meaning temptation is going to be literally right in front of my face every time I reach into the fridge for some fruit or go into the cupboard in the morning to get some porridge. I'm just afraid the combination of living in a house of unhealthy food and having someone constantly telling me i'm just naturally fat and that i'm wasting my time is drastically increasing my chances of becoming demotivated or succumbing to temptation. Just wondered if anyone else is or was in a similar situation and what steps can be taken to prevent me from relapsing to my old ways considering the circumstances?

Replies

  • ashley101009
    ashley101009 Posts: 21
    Wow that's wicked hard! First you have to talk to your self and say that you can do this, you can resist the urge to eat unhealthy food! It's very difficult to live with someone quit the oppisite of your self, I suggest grocery shopping for your self and maybe getting your own storage cabinets for your snacks and maybe your own mini frige, keep hydrated with water water helps keep you full and eat lots of Protein and fiber those both keep you full! This will be very tough for you but you can do anything you set your heart on don't give up and you will be Happy with your life style changes! Good luck!
  • raetonycass
    raetonycass Posts: 58 Member
    @ At my folks I try to avoid the topic. At home I control the grocery shopping so I just don't buy the stuff and I always make sure I have acceptable treats for me. The chocolate oat fiber one bars are amazing. I like the 100 cal packs of things. For big snacks like a big bag of chocolate covered raisins (my fav and the number one candy hubby brings home) I pre portion it out. Anything in moderation is ok. Just make sure I log it/track it/account for it. Come back here for support whenever you need to. Pin up a picture of the "fat" you and one of the "thin" you to help keep you on track. Those larger pics of myself are always a good change of direction for me. Good luck!
  • davidjohnb17
    davidjohnb17 Posts: 36 Member
    Ooooh I do like the idea of having my own separate cupboards and a mini fridge. There's only two of us in the house so I daresay I could take one of the cupboards for myself and I tend to do my own shopping anyway so that's not much of a problem. I actually already have a mini fridge anyway though it's quite small but large enough I would've thought to hold some fruit and maybe some low fat milk.

    I will start allowing myself treats eventually but as it's early days I don't think I should just yet. I think I need to develop a reward system for myself, maybe something I really enjoy for every 4lbs I lose or something like that.

    Thanks for the input guys, good luck reaching your goals!
  • ashley101009
    ashley101009 Posts: 21
    Always treat yourself! But make it healthy! Do 100 calorie packs of your favorite cookies and chips! Make cookies but mini ones and instead of baking with whole eggs and oil use apple sauce and egg Whites! Most diets and lifestyle changes don't stick with people who don't treat themselves! Ps thanks for the add but unfortunately I like to stay private for personal reasons but I am always lookig at new posts that I can add some friendly and incouraging words too! :)
  • davidjohnb17
    davidjohnb17 Posts: 36 Member
    Hey no worries, thanks for the advice and good luck to ya :)
  • Gidzmo
    Gidzmo Posts: 905 Member
    Wow that's wicked hard! First you have to talk to your self and say that you can do this, you can resist the urge to eat unhealthy food! It's very difficult to live with someone quit the oppisite of your self, I suggest grocery shopping for your self and maybe getting your own storage cabinets for your snacks and maybe your own mini frige, keep hydrated with water water helps keep you full and eat lots of Protein and fiber those both keep you full! This will be very tough for you but you can do anything you set your heart on don't give up and you will be Happy with your life style changes! Good luck!

    Thanks, Ashley--I am in the same place as DavidJohn. To top it off, the obese person is diabetic and seems to have no interest in controlling the blood sugar. I'm truly surprised that his doctor has not said something to him (or the doc did and the relative chooses to ignore him).
  • rainlover711
    rainlover711 Posts: 74 Member
    I don't know if it will help, but in regards to his comments about being naturally fat, you could say something like " I may be naturally fat but I need and WANT to make changes. It's ok if you don't want to, I won't bother you about your choices. But please don't say anything about my choices either. It makes me feel bad when you keep making comments about it."

    It doesn't always work, but sometimes when people hear that you want to do something and that it hurts your feelings when they say things, they have a slightly better understanding.

    Good luck!!
  • ashley101009
    ashley101009 Posts: 21
    No problem! I happy to be at any help for anyone and everyone! I have 10 pounds left and unfortunately I am stuck and my body won't lose anymore weight :( but I'm not giving up! I can do this and so can't you guys! I wish that instead of opening my profile to others I could email them on each others struggles and happy times wish there was a way! It would help me And others deal with what's going on good and bad! Good luck everyone! We can do it!
  • davidjohnb17
    davidjohnb17 Posts: 36 Member
    The point I raised with him was that if you went off to a poverty stricken area of Kenya or Ethiopia you are not going to find a single "naturally fat" person. I think he's just not understood that yes you can have people that are naturally tall or naturally have a wide frame but that is not the same as fat or being "naturally fat". I know he's struggled in the past with trying to lose weight and I think claiming that it's natural and there's nothing he can do about it makes him feel better. Hopefully once I make some significant process it might peek his interest in making his own changes. Thanks for the input guys and good luck :)
  • this_is_my_year
    this_is_my_year Posts: 38 Member
    A mini fridge is a great idea :) Argos has 20litre fridges on sale I think if you want a bigger one than the regular size.
  • PilotX
    PilotX Posts: 233 Member
    If you truly want this you gotta dig deep down inside you and fight of all the negativity,
  • davidjohnb17
    davidjohnb17 Posts: 36 Member
    I was popping into Argos tomorrow anyway to pick up an exercise step so i'll have a look see if I can find anything. Thanks! :)
  • moonfruity
    moonfruity Posts: 43 Member
    Even better than a mini fridge, depending on how you look at it, is to reserve a shelf in the big fridge for yourself. Your father will see the foods you are eating and maybe he'll start to feel bad that he isn't supportive.

    There are many things you can show him, like the movie "super size me" "forks over knives" "fast food nation"

    Dr. Oz will tell you how bad it is to live the typical American Lifestyle. If you can watch it with him maybe it will help.

    If he's open to ANYTHING you can try cooking dinner for him sometime, and it's just like a kid. You keep offering him vegetables at some point he WILL try them. There are SO many healthy recipes that don't appear healthy. If not don't let it get you down, you honestly can't change anyone without them WANTING to. Good luck!
  • FeatherBoBeather
    FeatherBoBeather Posts: 255 Member
    Personally, I use others doubting me as motivation; like "just you wait!!" ;P
    I like to prove them wrong with my dedication. Having family being discouraging is definitely not something easy to deal with.. but like you've said, once you show him how well you're doing he may just find the motivation needed to start working towards good health too.
  • likemeinvisible
    likemeinvisible Posts: 309
    I'm in a similar situation, the cupboards are filled with "good" stuff and there's nothing you can do but endure it. It gets easier in time, the sweets will have less of a hold on you. As for the naturally fat, that's nonsense, I was naturally skinny until I had enough pasta to overcome nature ! Be strong, and learn to enjoy the exercise. Also treat yourself with exercise related stuff, better for the cause.
  • stubbseyt
    stubbseyt Posts: 84 Member
    i have struggled with weight all my adult life, started really to gain and lose then gain and lose when i was a teenager, then eventually there was too much to lose with a little diet here and there and so the weight went up and up and up. i had got used to living life in the background, my Dad was overweight too and my Mum was a bit of a feeder, she would limit her portions though and loved being the slim one in the house.

    A few years ago, my Mum came to live with us, my Dad had passed away some years before and while it was nice having her around, when i decided to start my diet she would try to derail it every time, tempting me off it with sweets, ice-cream, cakes all the things she knows i love. I don't think there was any malice in her actions, she just showed her love by feeding goodies, and plus she loved all that stuff herself and was a little more overweight that she was.

    Once i sussed out that Mum was actually trying to stop me from dieting and being successful because i would then be the thinner one! It only made me MORE determined that i was going to do it and not be sabotaged. I would prepare my own Atkins meals that way i knew exactly what i was eating, and once the diet kicked in I didn't crave sweet things or even potatoes (the one thing i really thought i would never be able to do without) in the end the thought of eating sweets or potatoes actually made me feel sick. I lost around 6 stone in the space of about 5 months, I went from being in 26/28 size clothes to 14/16.

    In the end i did put the weight back on, but that was because of my own stupidity and because of the problems i was going through at the time, i reached for the old familiar crutch. Really, i think if you are determined, there is nothing anyone can do to sway you and screw it up for you. And if you do have the odd blip (because its inevitable when on a plan of eating for so long) don't let that stop you from getting straight back onto the plan again, what ever plan you follow. Don't make the mistake of thinking now I have blown it, i might as well see the week out etc, just put it behind you and start again!
  • jmeyer925
    jmeyer925 Posts: 326 Member
    I come from a similar background, almost all of my family is obese, but I have gotten them on board with my weight loss (slowly). My mom is not obese, so she's been very supportive through my journey. They use the "we're big boned" excuse a lot lol.

    Doesn't have to be a family member that supports you, but someone you personally know who you can vent to and understand will help.

    Sounds like your dad is trying to spare you from the dissapointment of not being able to lose weight like he wasn't able to. Especially with the excuses he's giving you, which are probably what he's been telling himself too for years. Probably even seeing you put on weight has made that a confirmation for him. So what better way to prove him wrong and motivate him to do the same, then you reaching your goals?

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