Discouraging Friends

miam4nia
miam4nia Posts: 137 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm SO frustrated with people...when you go on a diet everyone likes to give their opinions on your diet and what you SHOULD be eating and how & what exercise you SHOULD be doing...I think this is so rude because I don't butt into people's lives and tell them how they should keep fit and what they should eat unless they ask me, then i will only tell them my experience and say that it's not the same for everyone. Also, people who just tell you that you're getting too thin...it's not as much of a compliment as they intend for it to be...I feel discouraged because I'm working so hard to get to my goals, and as i'm getting closer i keep getting people's opinions of my body shoved in my face.

The other thing that frustrates me EVEN MORE are friends who don't even acknowledge your weight loss! As if they just aren't happy for you for avoiding all the risks associated with obesity. I had one friend who was just so negative in my life, she kept passive aggressively saying "because i'm skinny i can...", and for a whole year didn't say a single encouraging word about my weight loss (I lost 57 pounds in a year). I have since cut her out of my life because she's been negative in all aspects of it. I guess you just find out who people really are when you change your appearance, huh?

Replies

  • chosengiver
    chosengiver Posts: 1,462 Member
    Congrats on your weight loss.
    Sorry about your discouraging friends, sounds like you may need some new ones.

    But on a different note...those shoes in your avi are totally adorable! :wink:
  • umer76
    umer76 Posts: 1,272 Member
    Now after joining MFP i have realised that people believe in too many myths about dieting and weight control. This is why they like to comment like that. Dont listen to them, just listen to MFP calories control:) and you will be fine.
  • miam4nia
    miam4nia Posts: 137 Member
    Congrats on your weight loss.
    Sorry about your discouraging friends, sounds like you may need some new ones.

    But on a different note...those shoes in your avi are totally adorable! :wink:

    I do have some very lovely and encouraging friends who have been a big part of my weight loss journey!!! I am extremely grateful for them!

    I guess I'm just ticked off mainly at that one friend who hated the fact that I was losing weight...like, sorry, I have a prettier face than you babe, I got it from my momma.
  • lillauraseymour
    lillauraseymour Posts: 63 Member
    A lot of people are simply jealous that we where able to better our lives and stick to a diet/life style change! They may also be scared of what that means for them in your life, by the change you are going through. My family/friends have all been really supportive in which i've been very lucky BUT i know what you mean, i didn't tell a lot of people i was on a diet until i've lost 10kgs and i've noticed some negative comments here and there like "You wouldn't eat that now etc". Keep your head up & keep going!!
  • miam4nia
    miam4nia Posts: 137 Member
    A lot of people are simply jealous that we where able to better our lives and stick to a diet/life style change! They may also be scared of what that means for them in your life, by the change you are going through. My family/friends have all been really supportive in which i've been very lucky BUT i know what you mean, i didn't tell a lot of people i was on a diet until i've lost 10kgs and i've noticed some negative comments here and there like "You wouldn't eat that now etc". Keep your head up & keep going!!


    I get the whole "they may also be scared of what that means for them in your life" thing....my boyfriend is always like "you're gonna leave me when you get to your goal weight cuz you'll be too hot for me! I know it's not true...but I guess it could have that effect on some people :( This makes me sad. I want my bf to feel safe with me.
  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
    Yep...my family are like that, saying I'm getting too thin etc...my family are all 3-4 stones overweight.......
  • bluefish49
    bluefish49 Posts: 102 Member
    My dilemna has always been this - people who would never talk with me before now suddenly want to talk with me. What do they want to talk about? My weight loss. The most frequent question is - "How much have you lost?" My answer? "Two pounds! I don't know where they went. The rest of them I know exactly where I left them - on the gym floor!" That usually steers the conversation elsewhere and I don't have to supply them with a number.
  • Poods71
    Poods71 Posts: 502 Member
    My father in law is terrible for that with my husband. My husband lost about 3 stone by using his bike a lot more and cutting some rubbish out of his diet. Before he lost weight his dad used to make rude comments about him and he wasn't even that big now he has lost weight he keeps saying you're too skinny and you've lost too much weight. He can't win. My mother in law on the other hand never says I word if I lose weight but a couple of years ago after I had just given birth and obviously had weight to lose she had lost weight (and I was nice enough to compliment her, even though she never does the same for me) and all she did was offer me clothes that were too big for her rubbing my nose in the fact that she was now smaller than me. Then again she has put the weight back on and I have lost most of my baby weight, so who's laughing now. Oh, I'm such a ***** sometimes :laugh:
  • miam4nia
    miam4nia Posts: 137 Member
    Yep...my family are like that, saying I'm getting too thin etc...my family are all 3-4 stones overweight.......

    Lol that must be worse...you can't pick your family but you can pick your friends :p

    I hate that people who see you fixing a problem that THEY have and are too lazy to fix are giving you crap for getting to a better place!
  • miam4nia
    miam4nia Posts: 137 Member
    My father in law is terrible for that with my husband. My husband lost about 3 stone by using his bike a lot more and cutting some rubbish out of his diet. Before he lost weight his dad used to make rude comments about him and he wasn't even that big now he has lost weight he keeps saying you're too skinny and you've lost too much weight. He can't win. My mother in law on the other hand never says I word if I lose weight but a couple of years ago after I had just given birth and obviously had weight to lose she had lost weight (and I was nice enough to compliment her, even though she never does the same for me) and all she did was offer me clothes that were too big for her rubbing my nose in the fact that she was now smaller than me. Then again she has put the weight back on and I have lost most of my baby weight, so who's laughing now. Oh, I'm such a ***** sometimes :laugh:


    GIRLS CAN BE SO *****Y!!!! why can't we all just be happy for each other girls????????????
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Just to paraphrase - you hate the people who talk about your weight loss, but EVEN MORE, you hate the people who don't acknowledge it?
  • miam4nia
    miam4nia Posts: 137 Member
    Just to paraphrase - you hate the people who talk about your weight loss, but EVEN MORE, you hate the people who don't acknowledge it?

    i think if you re read my post you will maybe understand the context.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Just to paraphrase - you hate the people who talk about your weight loss, but EVEN MORE, you hate the people who don't acknowledge it?

    i think if you re read my post you will maybe understand the context.

    I was being a bit flippant perhaps, but sometimes people just can't win - your friend saying you're too skinny is obviously either trying to compliment you, or is embarrassed about herself and is saying that more to herself than to you to justify her being big.

    Other people are jealous or whatever, just take that as the biggest compliment!

    Anyone who doesn't mention may just not have noticed. We aren't as important to others as we think we are.
  • miam4nia
    miam4nia Posts: 137 Member
    Just to paraphrase - you hate the people who talk about your weight loss, but EVEN MORE, you hate the people who don't acknowledge it?

    i think if you re read my post you will maybe understand the context.

    I was being a bit flippant perhaps, but sometimes people just can't win - your friend saying you're too skinny is obviously either trying to compliment you, or is embarrassed about herself and is saying that more to herself than to you to justify her being big.

    Other people are jealous or whatever, just take that as the biggest compliment!

    Anyone who doesn't mention may just not have noticed. We aren't as important to others as we think we are.


    lol the friends who are tellling me i'm too thin and giving me unsolicited diet advice are different from the one negative friend who is just trying to be a ***** and was always negative...she never said a word to me about my weight loss and started saying things like "well i'm thin so i can do this"
  • pseel42
    pseel42 Posts: 82 Member
    i agree with everything you said.

    it doesn't matter what people think you just take care of yourself.

    people are just jealous of your accomplishments and don't know how to react.

    good luck and congratulations on your weight loss. i hope to be able to make people jealous soon myself. LOL
  • Cocochickdeleted
    Cocochickdeleted Posts: 342 Member
    I have a friend who just genuinely doesn't notice when people gain or lose weight--unless it's substantial. A lot of people don't like change, and when we change our lifestyle, we (or at least I) tend to over focus on it, and sometimes that can rub people the wrong way. That said, there are plenty of encouraging people in the world. Gravitate toward them and keep doing what you are doing!
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
    I CANNOT stop staring at your shoes...sorry nothing vital to contribute...I want the shoes.
  • MindyG150
    MindyG150 Posts: 1,296 Member
    My mother once told me 'A true friend will help you pack and move'. That said, find a new place to move, invite them all over to help and weed thru the lot of them. Some people don't deal with change well, and some people do get so jealous it becomes an interference in their lives. I believe sometimes we need to reach out to people and welcome them back into the life we are creating for ourselves. If that doesn't work....Un-friend them :)

    On the unsolicited advise - I have soaked up so much good and bad advice, figured out what works for me and threw the rest out like compost (not good for me but could certainly be re-used). I guess I don't get why it's so hard to listen to what others have to say, they only want to talk. My pat answer...'Good to Know'

    Don’t waste your energy hating…It’s a waste of energy!
  • Jeepinmom4
    Jeepinmom4 Posts: 298 Member
    The one thing my best friend says to me that drives me bat**** crazy is....i wish i could loose weight as easly as you are,its just so hard for me....what!!!! really? yea ive lost 100 damn pounds,easy? i dont freakng think so! Maybe stop sitting on your *kitten* and eatin out 6 days a week! (btw,hes 5'2 and pushing 300lb)........keep doing what your doing and ignore the haters lol
  • CyeRyn
    CyeRyn Posts: 389 Member
    I know some-what of what you mean. I don't get advice from my friends on "how to diet" they just don't simply understand 'my' diet. I used to have dinner every Sunday at a friends but I had to stop going because we'd alternate on who did dinner and every time my friend would make it it would typically be something that I can not eat. I know we can have a "cheat" day here and there but this was at the beginning of my diet and I needed to pull myself out of my old eating habits and this dinner every Sunday was not helping. I also have another friend who would brag every chance she got about how she can fit into size 1/3 pants and all she drinks is soda and eats junk food. Her definition of eating healthy was pizza. It was very discouraging so I had to walk away. It probably wasn't good of me to push my friends out of my life but (to me) when people simply don't want to understand what you're going through then its the only thing left to do. I hope it doesn't turn into that for you because we all need friends in our lives.. even when we 'think' we don't.
  • mbk830
    mbk830 Posts: 164 Member
    I love the response "the rest I left on the gym floor" to the never ending question of how much have you lost. I might have to steal it. I never know how to respond when people ask how much I lost.
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
    *kitten* em' do what works for you.
  • pinksparklevapor1965
    pinksparklevapor1965 Posts: 77 Member
    well my pastor larry use to tell me you have to love them but at a distants.. from your heart dont let them have the key:heart:
  • pinksparklevapor1965
    pinksparklevapor1965 Posts: 77 Member
    :flowerforyou:

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