Staying on track when your partner isn't supportive?

isabellekitty
isabellekitty Posts: 14 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm on a quest to be fit, healthy and hot. I was there before and I can do it again. My husband needs to lose weight as well but I feel like the more I am changing for the better, he is getting worse. When we go out to eat I order water and a healthy entree. He still orders soda, fried food, pasta smothered in alfredo, etc. He has terrible eating habits and I'm frustrated, I make him delicious healthy dinners with left overs for lunch and he still hits a fast food place for lunch after eating his packed lunch. It has gotten to where I don't even want to eat a meal with him because I can't stand seeing him eat so poorly. Maybe this is MY issue to deal with and not his?

Replies

  • CantarellaMiyani
    CantarellaMiyani Posts: 91 Member
    You can't make him change his lifestyle if he doesn't want to. And I've noticed that with my husband, if he feels as though I'm pushing him toward something, he gets resistant, and wants to do the opposite.

    "I'll do me, you do you" has become my mantra. I can't let his choices get in the way of my happiness. And our relationship is better when I don't feel like I *have* to be at him all the time over some issue or other.

    One question - I'm sure you've seen that as long as you're eating the right things, you're not hungry, so you don't have to go for the bad stuff. When you pack his lunch, are you limiting his portions? Perhaps if he gets more good stuff in his lunch, he won't be hungry for fast food?

    As for being unable to watch him eat - I totally get that! I've had an antagonistic relationship with food, and watching others eat "too heavily" (the benchmark, of course, being only within my own mind) makes me physically ill. Could you try bringing a book to the table?
  • jhoney8
    jhoney8 Posts: 43 Member
    There's not really anything you can do to make him change, he has to want it. Maybe seeing you transform and be stronger will help. Maybe it won't. Knowing how I react to pressure, I get more resistant when people try to persuade me to do things, what if you tried to ignore him? Or if you explained that this is about more than looking good, it's about setting a good example and being healthy. Watching people eat like crap when you are trying to be healthy is hard. Jon eats double bacon cheeseburgers like there's no tomorrow, but that's not going to get me to be a pig. When I started to see results, and he did too, he became much more supportive. He likes that I can do more physically, but he gets annoyed when I won't drink a beer with him. I just have to remind him that being over indulgent is what got me to the unhealthy place. I don't want to go back and he doesn't want me to either. Perhaps he will become envious of the stealth and happy new you and then get on board? For now, I think the above mentioned, "I'll do mine and you do yours," is probably best, even though difficult. It's a toughie. Having an unsupported or supportive partner makes a big difference.
  • mr_enigma
    mr_enigma Posts: 16
    Here is a little bit of a male perspective. Although I know that we are not all the same, there is a certain level of consistency across the board in on respect or another.

    Anywho,there is literally next to nothing that you can possibly do to make him want to do the things that you are trying to get him to do. If I were you, I would focus on making sure that his habits don't negatively alter your efforts. That would be just terrible. We are stubborn creatures, in general of course, so the more you probe and prob, talk to him about it and get on his case for not doing right, the more he will probably do the very thing that he knows he shouldn't do.

    Be more of doer and give him motivation not by what you say but by your steadfast determination to be the best you as possible. Eventually, he will be tired of being the chub standing next to the heartthrob sexy lady.

    just a thought

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