Husband upset with different dinners...

ShiloughCoy
ShiloughCoy Posts: 73
in Motivation and Support
Okay, so my doctor has suggested a liquid diet as I am about 100 pounds overweight and I have managed to get off about 20 pounds.

The problem is my husband gets so upset when it comes to dinnertime and I'm eating a bowl of packaged soup while he and my daughter eat something different! I honestly don't understand what the big deal is as long as we eat together. Why should it matter WHAT we eat?

Anyone else dealing with a similar issue and how did you solve it?

Thanks!

Replies

  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
    Okay, so my doctor has suggested a liquid diet as I am about 100 pounds overweight and I have managed to get off about 20 pounds.

    The problem is my husband gets so upset when it comes to dinnertime and I'm eating a bowl of packaged soup while he and my daughter eat something different! I honestly don't understand what the big deal is as long as we eat together. Why should it matter WHAT we eat?

    Anyone else dealing with a similar issue and how did you solve it?

    Thanks!

    I wish I had some advice, but I've got nothing - just wanted to say congrats on the loss!!!
  • jerseygirlmaggie
    jerseygirlmaggie Posts: 165 Member
    If this were me:

    I would remind him him that it's only temporary....

    I would remind my hubby that you are doing this to get healthy....

    The alternative would be to continue unhealthy and put my life at risk...


    I'd tell my hubby "You choose..."
  • robinogue
    robinogue Posts: 1,117 Member
    My hubby had issues with us eating different foods during dinner time. I explained to him what I wanted, what I needed and that this was a journey that I had to take not only for myself but to be the best wife I could be to him. He's finally okay with how "little I eat" as he calls it.

    Good luck! And congrats on your weight loss!
  • katrwal
    katrwal Posts: 336 Member
    First- congratulations! It's not an easy path that you've chosen...

    Last year when I was on that diet, my husband started to comment about me being a "fern", and constantly asking how could I not be hungry after finishing my soup/prepackaged meal. He also would grumble about me making different meals for him and the boys.

    After about a week, I decided to "give him what he asked for" - so I stopped making dinner for him and the boys. :tongue:

    This worked for us because: 1 - my husband and I were friends first, so he gets my sense of humor and when he's driven me to swing at the end of my rope; 2 - both of us work outside the home, so making dinner is a shared job (not sure what your domestic arrangement is, so this one might be a declaration of war); 3 - I also told him that my choosing to do this was NOT a commentary on the relative health or size of him.

    Not knowing you or your husband, he might be feeling a-guilty, b-envious of your self-control, or c-an itch somewhere unmentionable. :bigsmile:

    either way - previous poster is right - this is for a relatively short period of time - you can do this! and he'll have even more to complain about when you go back to eating "people food" (my lingo for refeeding) and are measuring out 1/4 cup of pasta to cook for yourself because that's all that's allowed...
  • mgmlap
    mgmlap Posts: 1,377 Member
    I am speaking from my experience and my family. For us..dinner is a family deal..and when we are all eating the same thing..its more...family-like..or thats how they feel.

    Maybe he feels with you eating something different..you arent engaging in the whole idea of a family meal?
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    I eat different than my husband and kiddo but he's okay with it because he knows where I'm at with this new lifestyle and he knows that I don't want to eat what he eats so it's okay.
  • FenderGuy
    FenderGuy Posts: 32 Member
    Honestly, I just can't comprehend the spousal anti-support issues. My wife and I luckily started our weight-loss journey together, although we were each on a different diet plan. I'm pretty sure that if either one of us was doing it alone, we'd still be supportive. What's the point of being married if you can't count on your spouse to back you up when are doing something positive with your life?
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    I am speaking from my experience and my family. For us..dinner is a family deal..and when we are all eating the same thing..its more...family-like..or thats how they feel.

    Maybe he feels with you eating something different..you arent engaging in the whole idea of a family meal?

    This.

    Also, I understand that your doctor suggested a liquid diet but I can't see how that can be nutritious and satisfying at all. Instead Maybe you could cook a good dinner for the whole family in the evening and tell him the rest of the day is what you feel like doing.
  • jordanreddick
    jordanreddick Posts: 197 Member
    My first thought would be that he is unhappy with the level of health he is currently living in and is uncomfortable with you doing something about it in fear that when you do lose the weight you will leave him for a "more attractive" man as the story goes. I would offer him the option of having the same meal as you are and not make him feel excluded. I would also assume he is well aware of why you are eating this way, so reitterate to him the reasoning again behind your food choices. He seems to be uneasy about some part of the situation so try and sit down with him and figure it out together. Make it non-secretive, let him in on everything you are doing and why. Feel free to add me, I am here to support and give advice.
  • VanessaGS
    VanessaGS Posts: 514 Member
    Just ignore him and do what's best for you.
  • Danny_Boy13
    Danny_Boy13 Posts: 2,094 Member
    WTG on the weight loss...not sure what his deal is though. He should understand that you are doing this for you and that should be that. At least that is how I would look at it. Hell....I would even try to eat what my significant other is eating to see what it is that they go thru.
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
    I have a different take than most. To lose weight and keep it off the journey has to be a healthy lifestyle. I'm not impressed with doctors who pad their pockets selling pre-packaged or liquid diets....that leave you unlikely to maintain the weight lost after you stop using those products.

    If you are cooking healthy and eating healthy the whole family should be able to eat the same foods. What better way to teach your children about nutrition than to show them how it's done.

    Best advice - find a new doctor, and start eating clean and healthy. You can drop that 100 pounds in a year or so - and have a maintainable lifestyle.

    Whatever way you choose to go forward - good luck!
  • guestfairy
    guestfairy Posts: 2
    Perhaps the idea spawns from the same reason we don't cook separate foods for our children to cater to their appetites: we grew up being taught that you eat what you are served, gratefully, so when someone gets "special" food, even if it doesn't look tasty, it feels funny.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,644 Member
    My first thought would be that he is unhappy with the level of health he is currently living in and is uncomfortable with you doing something about it in fear that when you do lose the weight you will leave him for a "more attractive" man as the story goes. I would offer him the option of having the same meal as you are and not make him feel excluded. I would also assume he is well aware of why you are eating this way, so reitterate to him the reasoning again behind your food choices. He seems to be uneasy about some part of the situation so try and sit down with him and figure it out together. Make it non-secretive, let him in on everything you are doing and why. Feel free to add me, I am here to support and give advice.

    she didn't say they were eating unhealthy. Maybe he realizes a liquid diet is unhealthy and is concerned for her. Maybe, just maybe, he is a man showing concern...not jealousy, laziness, or stupidity....
  • butterfly10398
    butterfly10398 Posts: 176
    First let me, CONGRATULATIONS :-) on the 20 lb weight loss.... that is a BIG deal, don't ever lose sight of that! :-)

    Second.... Liquid diets scare me. only because I did one in the past, and it SERIOUSLY messed me up, big time, but if you are being monitored by your doctor on a regular basis you should be okay, just beware of changes in your body that aren't weight loss related....

    Thirdly... I ALWAYS eat different than the rest of the family, and while yes, everyone comments on me eating a salad while everyone else is having a "meal", i choose to not let it bother me, because ultimately I am the one who decided to lose the weight, and I have to continue whether they like it or not.... Because its MY health that i'm concerned about....

    trying explaining that its for their benefit as well that you are losing the weight... :-) And good luck with everything!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    My first thought would be that he is unhappy with the level of health he is currently living in and is uncomfortable with you doing something about it in fear that when you do lose the weight you will leave him for a "more attractive" man as the story goes. I would offer him the option of having the same meal as you are and not make him feel excluded. I would also assume he is well aware of why you are eating this way, so reitterate to him the reasoning again behind your food choices. He seems to be uneasy about some part of the situation so try and sit down with him and figure it out together. Make it non-secretive, let him in on everything you are doing and why. Feel free to add me, I am here to support and give advice.

    she didn't say they were eating unhealthy. Maybe he realizes a liquid diet is unhealthy and is concerned for her. Maybe, just maybe, he is a man showing concern...not jealousy, laziness, or stupidity....

    I agree. I'm kind of shocked that a health care professional would suggest a liquid diet, especially knowing what they do to a person's body.
  • sussexbythesea
    sussexbythesea Posts: 1,335 Member
    I am also surprised that any doctor would suggest packaged food- now if you were making your own chicken soup from a carcass and veggies I could relate to it but maybe you have 'special' packaged food where you live

    I am also lucky with my partner as he is doing this as well (but I am logging for him LOL) and he is losing faster than me despite little excercise :)
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    Definitely explain to him why you need to do this and that it is temporary, but he should consider himself lucky.

    I am going from shared breadwinner to full time housewife when my husband and I go to Japan (he is Air Force and it will be difficult for me to find a job there). He promised he wouldn't bring junk food into the house if I did all the shopping and I will be doing all the cooking so he will be eating what I need to eat to maintain my healthy lifestyle. Granted, I'm not on a liquid diet or anything, but he will have to put up with a lot of chicken and lean meats and veggies when I know he'd prefer to have steak and potatoes and burgers with fries. Sure, we'll have those things on RARE occasions (what we can get of it at least) but I refuse to cook meals for me and for him...takes a lot of time and costs extra money.
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
    I have a different take than most. To lose weight and keep it off the journey has to be a healthy lifestyle. I'm not impressed with doctors who pad their pockets selling pre-packaged or liquid diets....that leave you unlikely to maintain the weight lost after you stop using those products.

    If you are cooking healthy and eating healthy the whole family should be able to eat the same foods. What better way to teach your children about nutrition than to show them how it's done.

    Best advice - find a new doctor, and start eating clean and healthy. You can drop that 100 pounds in a year or so - and have a maintainable lifestyle.

    Whatever way you choose to go forward - good luck!

    I agree! I've always thought it was weird when posters say that they make a different meal for their family... why shouldn't the whole family be eating wholesome healthy meals? And just adjust portion size to caloric needs.

    I also agree with the liquid diet comment. Seems weird that a doctor recommended it.
  • ShiloughCoy
    ShiloughCoy Posts: 73
    Thank you all for the wonderful replies and advice! I have decided to stick to shakes during the day and prepare a HEALTHY dinner for my whole family. Eating together is important for a family and I know that, but having me alive in a couple of years should be just as important, because if mom dies of heart disease, we wouldn't be having any more family meals then, would we? :)

    My husband is insecure and I know it, but I love his grumpy self. If he thinks eating solid food is important to us, then he'll just have to get used to broccoli instead of ribs and tofu instead of burgers! LOL

    What would you all bet me that he'll be BEGGING for seperate dinners within the week (evil laughter)....
  • sussexbythesea
    sussexbythesea Posts: 1,335 Member
    update us on that one! mine won't eat tofu LOL
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    I agree with your husband.
    Eating a different meal is RUDE.
    Put him and the kiddos on the same liquid diet.,
  • bpotts44
    bpotts44 Posts: 1,066 Member
    I have a different take than most. To lose weight and keep it off the journey has to be a healthy lifestyle. I'm not impressed with doctors who pad their pockets selling pre-packaged or liquid diets....that leave you unlikely to maintain the weight lost after you stop using those products.

    If you are cooking healthy and eating healthy the whole family should be able to eat the same foods. What better way to teach your children about nutrition than to show them how it's done.

    Best advice - find a new doctor, and start eating clean and healthy. You can drop that 100 pounds in a year or so - and have a maintainable lifestyle.

    Whatever way you choose to go forward - good luck!

    I agree! I've always thought it was weird when posters say that they make a different meal for their family... why shouldn't the whole family be eating wholesome healthy meals? And just adjust portion size to caloric needs.

    I also agree with the liquid diet comment. Seems weird that a doctor recommended it.

    I'm down 30 lbs and my wife has not changed our meals at all. We've always eaten pretty healthy, but yea there is no reason to be on a liquid diet or anything else. I tend to try and eat 300-500 calories at bfast and lunch and then I can eat a little more at dinner.

    Just drinking two tall glasses of water before dinner will help you cut your calories. No way to eat seconds after two glasses before a meal and one during.
  • lc971
    lc971 Posts: 104 Member
    I have a different take than most. To lose weight and keep it off the journey has to be a healthy lifestyle. I'm not impressed with doctors who pad their pockets selling pre-packaged or liquid diets....that leave you unlikely to maintain the weight lost after you stop using those products.

    If you are cooking healthy and eating healthy the whole family should be able to eat the same foods. What better way to teach your children about nutrition than to show them how it's done.

    Best advice - find a new doctor, and start eating clean and healthy. You can drop that 100 pounds in a year or so - and have a maintainable lifestyle.

    Whatever way you choose to go forward - good luck!


    Thank you, I was thinking the same thing! :))
  • Rinkermann
    Rinkermann Posts: 108 Member
    so basically he's saying he wants you to keep eating the same stuff that got you 100lbs overweight, despite the fact the doctor has instructed you to do otherwise? I guess he won't be happy if you cook healthy meals for you all either, which basically means he is trying to nag you into eating unhealthy food.

    i don't doubt that he loves you, but it is your husband who needs to change to your ways and not the other way around. im afraid you have to look out for your health, and just do what you have to do. if it means a clash of words occasionally, then so be it. I'm sure he'll get used to it after a few weeks anyway.
  • ladylemoncurd
    ladylemoncurd Posts: 72
    Is he controlling in other ways or is this a one off?

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