Going through a break-up...

ashannon22
ashannon22 Posts: 10 Member
in Motivation and Support
Who would have thought I would have actually lost weight after going through a break-up (other than my 280lb ex); normally it's the exact opposite. I found that after it happened (about a month ago), I was really stressed out and anxious all the time (I took it pretty hard) and had issues eating. Everything made me nauseous. I would try to drink my normal smoothie and coffee at breakfast and couldn't finish either. Lunch was always PB&J because it was all I could tolerate and dinner was usually popcorn. Not the healthiest, I know.

I decided that I would take this newly found singlehood and use it as a time to focus on myself and what I wanted. A big part of that was to get healthier and find a new focus on fitness. Exercise helps me with my nervous energy and the endorphins help with my sad days. I'm also focusing on eating better as I was normally eating lots of pizza or burgers and fries to match his palette. I've been on MFP since this winter but I've been dedicating myself to being more serious about it to help put me in the right direction.

Anyways, just wanted to share my story and my new motivation. Anyone else going through or have gone through something similar?

Replies

  • lisasch67
    lisasch67 Posts: 135 Member
    I went through this about 5 years ago... Although I started to lose weight at the end of our relationship, despite being completely miserable in it. Well at first it was good, then it was bad, then I was miserable, and then I just couldn't take it anymore, but didn't think I could end the relationship. I was so anxious at the end I couldn't eat either, but once it finally ended I took time to figure out the fitness part of it and actually got healthy. Since then I've been on a slow journey losing about 10 - 15 lbs a year... now I'm 45lbs lighter than I was at my heaviest with him.
  • ashannon22
    ashannon22 Posts: 10 Member
    Hey Lisa! Yeah, this sounds very much like what I went though. I was pretty unhappy throughout (but at the time, you focus on the good stuff) and I also got up the the heaviest I've ever been which absolutely terrified me. I would try to make better choices but it wasn't always easy when you're dating a junk food fanatic (who would actually make fun of me when I opted for healthier alternatives).

    Since the break-up, I've lost 10 pounds and I'm just trying to focus on doing so in a healthy way. Thanks for sharing your story! It's nice to know I'm not alone. As nice as it is to read stories about girls trying to find in wedding dresses or lose the baby weight, I feel like this is the exact opposite...it can be hard to stay motivated.
  • silver_arrow3
    silver_arrow3 Posts: 1,373 Member
    My ex and I broke up in May. He was one of those tall thin guys who could eat anything and not really gain weight. Our entire relationship I continued to gain. He'd make high calorie dinners and we were always going over to his friends' place to drink. Once we broke up I was at the lowest my self esteem has ever been. It started off as a mutual break up, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was a good thing for me. So instead of making myself feel miserable about it, I decided to take out my frustrations on the elliptical at the gym and I've been going back ever since.
  • Tracepa98
    Tracepa98 Posts: 219
    I ended my relationship close to 4 years ago after being together with him for almost 9. Eating was tough and just trying to adjust to new surroundings. He had a light speed metabolism of course and was italian. Oh those many days of pasta! I didnt realize what I was doing to my body.

    Once I was by myself, i started to realize that I had lost my identity during all those years. So Ive spent this time finding myself again and just recently embarking on my weight loss journey.


    Best of luck to you and I hope you find a new happiness with yourself and in life. :smile:
  • Obscure2u
    Obscure2u Posts: 1
    Break ups are never easy, even if they are good for you.
    My big realisation for one girlfriend I had was that I would never be able to make her happy because she got too much positive reinforcement from making everything a drama or an insult. So my epiphany came down to this:

    You can't make someone else happy if they are unable to be happy when they are by them self.
    I also realised this applied to myself. There was no point making myself miserable, guilty, and exhausted trying to keep someone else happy.

    Anyway. End of story is I lost 9 kilos after not being with her just through not eating extra and sweet stuff from the feelgood food group. In a great relationship now that's so easy and balanced by comparison its a little strange by comparison.
    I have never seen interdependence result in good relationships. Be happy and comfortably with yourself and you'll start seeing the right type of people as relationships and the right type of people will notice you back.
  • lisasch67
    lisasch67 Posts: 135 Member
    Hey Lisa! Yeah, this sounds very much like what I went though. I was pretty unhappy throughout (but at the time, you focus on the good stuff) and I also got up the the heaviest I've ever been which absolutely terrified me. I would try to make better choices but it wasn't always easy when you're dating a junk food fanatic (who would actually make fun of me when I opted for healthier alternatives).

    Since the break-up, I've lost 10 pounds and I'm just trying to focus on doing so in a healthy way. Thanks for sharing your story! It's nice to know I'm not alone. As nice as it is to read stories about girls trying to find in wedding dresses or lose the baby weight, I feel like this is the exact opposite...it can be hard to stay motivated.

    I totally hear you... putting yourself first as your goal or motivation to get in shape (ie. not to lose baby weight, or get into a wedding dress, or look good for a wedding is super tough! It's taken me a really long time to lose all this weight, and I really struggle with my self image. Some days I feel like I look worse and am fatter than what I was at 200lbs. I have a hard time seeing the smaller me... but because of the break up and misery in my last relationship I was sort of forced to put myself first and make myself the motivation... Sadly, I had lost a lot friends during (and because of) that relationship. Slowly but surely I've been working through those tough feelings and learning to love what I see and that I deserve a healthy life... Thankfully, in the midst of that awful break up I had the wherewithal to not let it defeat me and it sounds like you do too! That is great!!!

    It will not be easy, but you are taking the right steps!!! Remember that! And you are so much better than the 280lb junk food fanatic who cares more about food than his life and your well being... good luck!! You've got my support, girl!
  • stephaniec78
    stephaniec78 Posts: 76 Member
    I recently divorced my husband who I had been with for 15 years. Just as most of you have mentioned he was the type that could eat whatever he wanted and not gain a pound. He was a very good cook and I just kept adding on the lbs. I hit my heaviest weight right after the divorce. I decided that it was time to focus on making myself happy and healthy. Luckily I have been much happier and have lost 13 lbs since the beginning of May. I'm hoping to continue my weight loss and lose another 20 before the end of the year.
  • jennfisher13
    jennfisher13 Posts: 50 Member
    Oh these stories..... Though mine is a little different I can relate. I was in an unhealthy marriage for 8 years. I yo-yo'd the whole time. When things were really bad the pounds would just fall right off. I suffered from depression and anxiety attacks when they were at their peak I was skinny. When we lived through the brief moments of happiness (usually after he got caught doing something wrong and promised (again) to change... I would gain. We would go out to dinner and play the happy couple with the kids. Trips to Chuck e Cheese and dinners at McDonalds playland.... During the times of stress he would put me down for being too small and telling me "go eat a sandwich or something" my "small" days were 145 at 5'9" and he preferred my larger size of 165/177, which I was never happy at and had very low self esteem. He would attack me for working out "who are you trying to impress?" or "you are trying to get all skinny and you know I don't like that?" I FINALLY learned that I did not NEED my "other half" I was whole all by myself. I also learned that you can not give or receive love fully until you learn to love yourself. A person who loves themself will never accept less that what they deserve. LIFE LESSON.... KNOW YOUR WORTH! I have been happier and healthier in the last 3 years of being without him. I swore to stay single and work on me for 366 days. That turned into two years. I am currently in a relationship and we have been together for a year. He is my best friend. We motivate each other to work out and both really care about fitness. He swears my body is perfect when I am having my self loathing or plateau moments. I am finally living the life of the inspirational quotes I surrounded myself with in my 8 years of hell. Just hang in there and LOVE YOU!!!!
  • girish_ph
    girish_ph Posts: 148 Member
    My story is absolutely similar and at the same time completely different to the stories here.

    I am happily married and have a supportive wife. However, memores of past traumas and what could have been, haunt me. I find it difficult to exercize because of that. Most days I want to cry. Some days I do break down and cry. Exercizing becomes difficult.

    Yet, I have evolved a strategy to tackle it. I remind myself that I have limited power. I can exercize, but the results are not in my hands. I can either exercize the power (to exercize) or not (remain on couch). Just have to take one day at a time.
  • stephaniec78
    stephaniec78 Posts: 76 Member
    I have always known that support was key to successful weight loss. To be able to know and talk to people struggling with the same things you are. I wrote my first ever blog on here last night. I was able to talk about how long I have struggled with my self image issues and it was surprisingly liberating to get all of that off my chest. Even if no one ever reads it, just to have put it out there is very freeing. I think that I am going to continue to blog and hopefully this will help with the way that I see myself.
  • teepeetim
    teepeetim Posts: 99 Member
    I separated from my wife in June, and at first it was total hell. I stopped eating and felt stressed all the time.
    I dropped a lot of weight .
    Then I realised that I don't need to eat like I had been, and started eating better, and I started to run. And I have kept it all up.
    I am now, at 51, at a weight I haven't been since my early twenties, and I feel great !

    I still run and just recently have added in weight training.

    Other than the separation, I have not been happier.
  • therippedgoose
    therippedgoose Posts: 1
    I know how you feel. I am a bodybuilder who LOVES to eat and workout but I can't seem to do either. Im dropping weight like crazy after my recent break up because I cannot seem to keep any food down. The thought of food disgusts me now and I am someone that generally maintains weight on at least 4000 to 4500 calories per day.
  • jonzo21
    jonzo21 Posts: 446 Member
    after my breakup a year ago, I was really motivated to work on myself, almost as a distraction from all the hurt. I had made specific "goals" to meet each month, not only physically, but mentally (such as working on my shyness, by making small talk with classmates, trying not to avoid eye contact, and smiling at random strangers. That might sound weird, but I've always been a very shy person). I even created calendars on my computer, printed them off, and kept track of my workouts and the days that I met my goals, that way I could visually see how I was progressing. It really helped me maintain a positive outlook on things and know that there was something meaningful/useful going on in my life that needed my focus and energy, rather than wasting it on being sad/depressed. I did that for about 4 months, although I had planned on doing it longer, I had found my focus again and didn't need it as a distraction anymore.

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