Loved ones trying to make you fat?

Happy4lifeHHH
Happy4lifeHHH Posts: 188 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok so here it goes, I need advice.

I have been with my bf for 3 years.. I already know he loves me way more than I love him. I have broken up with him 4 times and he always begs me to get back with him. I do love and care for him but I know hes not the one for me. He doesn't give a crap about his health and I do. He always tries to get me to eat fast food with him, or buys me candy bars and such... I feel like hes intimidated by me or wants me to get fat so I wont leave him anymore, or guys wont want me.. Hes a master manipulator so I never know for sure what his intentions are. Hes also so boring and I am adventurous and want someone to share that with! I want to meet men that are like me and I have but cant do anything because I'm in a relationship and then I lose an opportunity to meet someone great. Now I have met someone at the gym who I want to get to know but how?
UGH!!!!!! I'm too young for this crap.
Tell me what you think :)

Replies

  • celeste_xo
    celeste_xo Posts: 88
    If you're not happy with your boyfriend, time to break up! Especially with all the negative qualities you listed that you know he has. Honestly, life is too short for you to spend time with someone you're not happy with just because you're afraid of breaking up or don't know how to go about it. If your boyfriend is really doing all these things to sabotage your healthy lifestyle, then he's definitely not worth keeping around. I'd break up with him if I were you, and maybe casually hang out with the guy from your gym that you seem to be interested in. Even if you dont start anything with the new guy, I think it'd definitely be good to break it off with your current BF and focus on making yourself better without other people to hold you down. You can do this!
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    You already know the answer to the question. he's not the one for you and you know it. Don't keep wasting time with him.
    You're still a very young woman, don't waste years with this one and miss out on finding someone right. (Which is what I did).
    Feeling sorry for him won't make either of you happy.
  • ToughTulip
    ToughTulip Posts: 1,118 Member
    Sooo.... why are you with him?

    If you aren't happy then leave him. Stop wasting your time
  • Happy4lifeHHH
    Happy4lifeHHH Posts: 188 Member
    Ive tried not to be with him but always end up back with him.... Its hard for me because I am a caring person but more so for other people than myself and I feel like "Well as long as I am making him so happy I can be unhappy for now." I need to stop feeling sorry for him and be strong!!
  • shoby68
    shoby68 Posts: 30
    Time to move on, before it is too late.
  • BioShocked89
    BioShocked89 Posts: 330 Member
    Manipulators are very dangerous in terms of emotional health. It sounds like he may be trying to sabotage you based on the fact that you've broken up with him repeatedly and since he doesn't value health like you do.

    Don't make it worse by sticking around. Break up with him and let him go. If you don't, you will look for what you want else where, while you're still with him.

    I had trouble with a guy like that. He wasn't manipulative until I tried to break up with him. The first time, he sent me messages saying he was "hexpolar" (According to him a worse version of bipolar, the dumb@$$). About a year later, he seemed to have changed and matured, so I visited him and started dating him again. He hadn't changed at all. So, since we were now on opposite sides of the country, I decided to break up with him on Skype to (I thought, my bad) make it easier on him. Well, he fake fainted in front of the camera, and wouldn't respond. I called the military police at his base on him, that way if he had fainted for real, they could help him. He got mad at me for calling them, because I exposed his lie.

    And just because it makes me laugh: the one who gave me the idea to call the MP on him was my current boyfriend. Lol.
  • ToughTulip
    ToughTulip Posts: 1,118 Member
    A mfp pal and I were JUST talking about this actually!

    Even if you are making him happy now, the longer you wait the more it is going to hurt him later. It is just going to get worse and worse.

    You can do it! I know its hard (i am a lot like you), but just look at it like it is the best thing for both of you
  • kbem90
    kbem90 Posts: 4
    Time to let him go... If you hate that he doesn't support your wish to live a healthy and fit lifestyle than its obvious he doesn't respect you.

    I had this exact same situation in my last year of high school/first year at uni. I did love my bf at the time however his constant nagging of me "dieting" made me step away from him.... It was so obvious that he was trying to make me fat in order to keep me... Because he knew that if I shaped up I would actually look attractive. He had no self esteem and in the end, I just had to put on a huge brave face and break up

    It might not be easy but you'll be so much more happy and free afterwards.

    But, you have to be serious about it. If you want to part with him, you have to be cold, and show no emotion whatsoever. Then break off all forms of contact so he can't beg u back.

    You will meet another man one day who will absolutely sweep you off your feet (I did) and were happily married now supporting each in a healthy lifestyle :)

    Good luck!!
  • MommaSparrow1928
    MommaSparrow1928 Posts: 47 Member
    Ive tried not to be with him but always end up back with him.... Its hard for me because I am a caring person but more so for other people than myself and I feel like "Well as long as I am making him so happy I can be unhappy for now." I need to stop feeling sorry for him and be strong!!

    I've been there, done that too. If you're feeling at ALL unhappy in the relationship, it's either time to leave it behind you, or he needs to shape up and make YOU happy. I personally got out of a similar relationship (he didn't care enough about himself or even respect me enough in the end). If you leave now, there's no telling the real good that's awaiting you just over the top of that hill. Aside from the healthy choices that you've already made for yourself, I promise that it will be one of the best things that you can do for yourself is getting out of that relationship.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
    You say he isn't the one for you... time to move on to greener pastures :D
  • sophie_wr
    sophie_wr Posts: 194 Member
    damn you're 19 !! you're so young !! and you're not happy (or not anymore) with him; I think it's not only a weight issue at this stage. Move on & good luck :)
  • Happy4lifeHHH
    Happy4lifeHHH Posts: 188 Member
    You are all so right and knowing that some of you have been in the same situation as me has given me great reassurance!! Thank you all so much!!
  • desirae1976
    desirae1976 Posts: 29 Member
    You are not doing yourself or him a favor by staying with him. You are obviously not in love with him, and you are doing him a disservice as well by staying with him when he could be getting on with his life. Enjoy your youth while you're young! Pretty soon you'll be older and married with kids and will look back on these days. Don't you want to look back and think, "I sure enjoyed my life then"? Be strong girl! You can do this!
  • DocCollins_SFA
    DocCollins_SFA Posts: 113
    This is simple. Break up with him. He doesn't need to be with somebody who talks about him like that and you obviously don't want to be with him either.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    This is simple. Break up with him. He doesn't need to be with somebody who talks about him like that and you obviously don't want to be with him either.

    Agreed. The whole scenario just depresses me. :cry:
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    It sounds like you are putting off the inevitable. Well, you tried to end it a few times but didn't see it through because it was too hard to stick to your true feelings. But break-ups are never easy. Are you waiting for a big catalyst that will the change things forever to just come along? Chances are when that happens it will be something so bad that it has to end on a really ugly note. It would be so much better if you could just be honest with him and tell him the truth about your feelings. And be firm. And you aren't doing him any favors by staying with him. He deserves, just like you, to move on and find someone who truly loves him oodles and oodles to the moon and back. Neither one of you can find your Mr or Ms Right as long as you are still stuck with each other. Some relationships just aren't meant to last forever. Maybe it was good for a while but look at it like a bridge. You've crossed it, it's time to move on. The relationship has run its course.
  • Nina2503
    Nina2503 Posts: 172 Member
    I made some bad choices when i was younger and yes you do get over them but I often used to think back to how different life could have been if I had been 'braver/stronger' and made those big decisions when they needed to be made rather that 'hoping' things would work out. I felt even though I knew the person wasnt right for me that I didnt want to hurt them by ending it so hung around and put their happiness before mine. Crazy I lknow


    I dont know how old you are but life is too short. You will wake up one day and wonder where you life has gone and then regret the wasted years.

    It is your life first and foremost, and who ever you share it with needs to have the same life goals/values as you (or similar) or you will never be truly happy.
  • Arexxx
    Arexxx Posts: 486 Member
    Just break up with him for good. It's not nice to string someone along like that.
  • jwolfe0709
    jwolfe0709 Posts: 50 Member
    YIKES! :noway: Get out of that relationship girl! It IS ok to be selfish sometimes- stop caring about him and focus on YOU.
  • Happy4lifeHHH
    Happy4lifeHHH Posts: 188 Member
    I'm not trying to talk badly about my bf. I love him, he is a great person and has done so much for me. I would never do anything to hurt him and that's why I don't want to break up with him and break his heart... Hes not very understanding so he wouldn't understand that I need to focus on me because he doesn't see how he would be getting in the way with that.
  • stagknight
    stagknight Posts: 130 Member
    Just explain to him that your goals are different, that you want to be happy and aren't and you want to go separate ways.
    Then don't talk to him, answer his calls, don't skype him, don't email. Clean break and a new start. I spent years splitting up with girls I liked and dating girls my family wanted me to. I was forever told that the girls I wanted to see, were "not our type of girl" so I put my family first and not me. Now I am 47, single and fat. Go out, find someone, even if it isn't the bloke at the gym, have fun, do silly things, make mistakes, but over all be happy and be you. You matter, You deserve to be happy and you still have a life ahead as a very attractive girl, I looked at your photos and you could pick and choose men like a kid in a candy store. Go get your life back.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
    I'm not trying to talk badly about my bf. I love him, he is a great person and has done so much for me. I would never do anything to hurt him and that's why I don't want to break up with him and break his heart... Hes not very understanding so he wouldn't understand that I need to focus on me because he doesn't see how he would be getting in the way with that.

    No one needs to be stuck with someone who isn't good or right for them. Especially at such a young age. It's fine to love and care about people... but when you pick the guy you're going to spend your life with, he needs to be the one who's a good fit.
  • Scorpioangel
    Scorpioangel Posts: 951 Member
    You already know the answer to the question. he's not the one for you and you know it. Don't keep wasting time with him.
    You're still a very young woman, don't waste years with this one and miss out on finding someone right. (Which is what I did).
    Feeling sorry for him won't make either of you happy.

    I agree with her!

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