"being fat is part of who I am"

TheArmadillo · September 2012

I like watching weightloss and similar type documentaries/lifestyle shows. But one thing I have heard people say on a few of them is the above "being fat is part of who I am", "my friends tell me not to lose too much or I won't be me anymore".

I was tipping into morbidly obese when I started losing weight so its not that I've not been that big, however I suppose I was always surprised at how fat I was. It definitely didn't feel like I was supposed to be that big or that it was somehow part of my personality almost. I kind of get fears about being thin, a big one for me is I hate being hit on (not that it happens yet,

) but due to things that have happened to me in the past I hate it. Being fat is safe in a way, you kind of become invisible.

It's just something I'm curious about as the idea that people could think or say this never occurred to me - why do people feel like this? Is it just a defense mechanism, a justification for their weight or something more?

Any ideas?

MrsB724 · September 2012

I think you nailed it when you said that being heavy was a safety mechanism for you. I feel the exact same way. It is almost like I could disappear under the weight because who really pays attention to the chunky girl in the corner? It saved me from being hit on and even saved me from just interacting socially with others....that kind of stuff terrifies me.

AmandaTWaH · September 2012

I think that, for many people, it is kind of a wall to hide behind. While many may really believe these things, it is because of their subconscious not being ready to let their body change. When it comes to obesity, there are often emotional factors coming into play. Most people don't become obese ONLY because they like food.

Another issue is that people eventually become comfortable with who they are, even if they don't like who they are. The idea of changing the person they have become comfortable being is terrifying.

I actually ended up speaking with a therapist a few times at the start of my weight loss journey and it really helped me pinpoint some emotional blocks that were keeping me from getting healthy.

Smith_Brandy · September 2012

I was always suprised and a little shocked by how big I was when I was heavier. Now the me in my head matches the me in the mirror better.
To deal with being attention that weight loss can bring I learned a saying that I remind myself, "Eyes are just little round squishy things and can't hurt me." Plus I try to remember that people look at things they like and away from things they don't like, so if I'm being stared at I just tell myself they are thinking about how stylish, fit and trim I look. Works every time...

AlexandraLynch · September 2012

Once I accepted my inner beauty and self and owned my weight, even at nearly 300 pounds I was getting hit on in the grocery store when I was very much NOT thinking about sex. (laugh)

That's not going to change as I lose weight. I expect some people will be able to see the goddess in me more when I do, but that's not all that surprising.

I am myself. Currently I happen to be fat. It has given me some insights, and I intend to take those with me into thinness.

fiberartist219 · September 2012

People treat you differently. I was treated a lot differently at 105lbs than when I was 165lbs.

wolfchild59 · September 2012

My husband has been heavy his whole life, and when he was losing weight, he became worried that he would lose too much. He has spent his whole life either being a bully or the fat, funny, guy (after he grew out of being a bully) and he was scared that he would stop being associated with being funny if he got too thin.

He's a confident person, more confident than me (verging on cocky at times if he's in a crowd that provokes it) and is a local actor that has never wanted for a starring role. And he's a natural flirt, so he's never wanted for female attention (to the point that I've drawn hatred since I had him and there were girls that wanted him and couldn't have him. Sad, but true. One even started rumors about me when he spurned her advances back when we were still just dating. lol) So he's not someone that is self-conscious of his weight, he only wanted to lose weight for health reasons, not for looks. But it just started to worry him that it would change how he was perceived.

His weight was just always so much a part of who he was he didn't know how to think about himself if the weight was gone. Where I'm the opposite and was fit and athletic when i was younger and gained all my weight in my 20's and have been working to get back to what I used to be. So I never embraced being fat as part of who I was and love every darned pound that drops off my body.

(unfortunately his theater schedule stopped his evening workouts and threw off his healthier eating back to food on the run and going out after rehearsals, etc and he stopped losing anyway. He's trying to get back on track again though)

ladioffaith · September 2012

I struggled throughout high school and college to love myself. Once I got that down, it seemed strange to me to try to turn into SOMEBODY ELSE so others would like me. It seemed that their acceptance would be conditional.

It took me years later to accept a healthy balance, that sometimes the kindest thing one could do for ones self is to do right by your body.

thistimeismytime · September 2012

Change is hard...and scary. I think maybe it's easier to live with something and just be in denial about it, rather than taking the steps to try to change it. I think we, as humans, do this with LOTS of areas of our lives, not just weight. :ohwell:

TheArmadillo · September 2012

These are all interesting. I found I had to raise my self esteem in order to lose weight. That the better I felt about myself the easier it was to change.

I think it was also strange to realise the subconscious reasons you actually want to be fat.

"being fat is part of who I am"

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