Why does it seem like no one in my life is supportive of me?

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MommyToCutie
MommyToCutie Posts: 31 Member
in Motivation and Support
Maybe they don't think I need to eat healthier or lose weight, but it definitely seems like nobody in my life gives a crap that I'm finally taking control and doing something good for myself. I burned almost 2,000 calories this week from exercising (yay!) and I told my boyfriend, and all he did was grunt. I told my sister I was keeping track of everything I eat or drink and she just changed the subject. Anyone else who I told (friends or family) just nodded and didn't comment. It's not like I went into extreme boring detail or made them feel bad about their eating habits. And when my boyfriend goes grocery shopping (he's the breadwinner in the relationship), he fills the house with junk food and expects me to eat it (because he doesn't think any of it is that bad). I'm sorry, I just wanted to do a quick vent! Thanks for listening. :smile:

Replies

  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,488 Member
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    People are scared of change. You're changing and they get afraid you'll make them change. And then there's the people who if the conversation isn't about them they just don't listen as well as they should.
  • trixiemou
    trixiemou Posts: 554 Member
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    If they are not actually doing it they cant not relate to what you are saying. If you notice you can have a full blown conversation with anyone that is actually dieting or keeping fit and compare notes. Other people will juts get that blank look on their face - not interested.........

    That is why talking (ranting - haha) to people on here seems to work.
  • faith55744
    faith55744 Posts: 8
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    when people make changes it can be very hard for others around you to accept and sometimes can even cause relationships to fall apart during the journey. As an example- if you are starting to lose weight and you have close friend that is overweight it could make them face their own demons about themselves and they might not like the way that feels.They might also feel like they are going to be looked at different or be judged now for who they are since you are no longer participating in things the way you were.Another example would be if a group of people got together and did drugs as a group,then one day one of them decides to get clean.The others in the group would be pressuring the one that decided to get clean to get high with them because they want to be around others that do the things they do so they will not be judged.if that person decides to stay clean the others might stop hanging around that person because they will feel as if the clean one was going to judge them and look down upon them.most people that are overweight understand how miserable it is and how depressing it can be ,when your overweight you know it and your not happy about it but it usually takes a person to reach a certain point to decide to make a change.If others around you have not reached that point or are not interested in changing then you cant force that upon them.It is hard to try to eat healthy when everyone knows your trying to and let's say your husband,wife,brother or sister bring home a pizza for dinner . I would consider that rude when they know i'm trying to stay away from that but at the same time i would need to understand that this was my choice not theirs.I can not expect everyone around me to change their lives and eating habits because I have changed mine.Alli could do is let them know that it's hard for me to be around it and control myself and hope that they have the understanding to want to help me. and by all means please don't be one of those people that go on a diet and after 2 days are telling others what they should be eating and whats healthy and not healthy, It really annoys others and thats like on the second day of med school trying to tell someone the best way to perform a heart surgery.This is our choice to lose the weight and we all have our reasons for wanting to make the changes.with or without support from friends or family we need to decide if we are going to do it regardless.And from what I have seen there are many many people on here that are friendly and very supportive so when you feel like you are alone log on here and be with people that are your people and going through the same things and support each other.
  • 21June
    21June Posts: 99
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    I have decided just recently that no one else is going to look after me apart from myself! Would it be too hard to just ignore them? I know its hard to not have support but I find the support from like minded people on this site is great! Good luck on your continued weight loss journey! :smile:
  • fittertanme
    fittertanme Posts: 259 Member
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    dont stop telling them how you are doing and the fact that you are trying to be healthy for you and them you will do it and if they dont support you then do it for you and then they will see if for them selfs
  • lleelloo
    lleelloo Posts: 32 Member
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    Your success makes them feel bad about themselves, and misery loves company!
  • rotill
    rotill Posts: 244 Member
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    First, we have all experienced the thrill of starting something to change our lives, only to see it fall apart after a few days. Perhaps they are just waiting to see if you stick with is?

    As for your boyfriend, do you go with him, shopping, do you write shopping lists, do you offer to go shopping, or do you just expect him to remember your diet? I have to say, I fidn it hard enough to shop for myself, doing it for the special diets of others takes a lot of attention.

    And I guess that when you start looking significantly thinner, they will notice!

    (Personally I am horribly disappointed that nobody at work have noticed how slim and gorgeous I am! Don't they care? The truth is - I haven't changed enough yet for it to matter. I still wear the same clothes, they are just a little bit looser, and who really notices that?)
  • macraehm
    macraehm Posts: 1
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    I find that friends are not support in offering you all the things you should not be having and inviting you for dinner and they say they are supportive and have this huge desert and encourage me to have just a little won't hurt. I know I should have self discipline but I find this so hard and I don't know how to control this.
  • aviatrix80
    aviatrix80 Posts: 17
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    Everyone makes very valid points, people can often feel threatened, or disinterested, or think they've heard this story before...but you just chip away at it bit by bit, and eventually they will start to notice the changes, both in your state of mind and in your clothes. But even if they don't, I'm sure you'll love the changes in yourself enough to keep your journey going anyway. And keep using this site, we've all been through similar things at one point or another. Make sure your timing is right if you do want to talk to friends and family also - during the sport on TV is not the time you're going to get the best response from your man!

    Good luck with your journey :)
  • davert123
    davert123 Posts: 1,568 Member
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    when people make changes it can be very hard for others around you to accept and sometimes can even cause relationships to fall apart during the journey. As an example- if you are starting to lose weight and you have close friend that is overweight it could make them face their own demons about themselves and they might not like the way that feels.They might also feel like they are going to be looked at different or be judged now for who they are since you are no longer participating in things the way you were.Another example would be if a group of people got together and did drugs as a group,then one day one of them decides to get clean.The others in the group would be pressuring the one that decided to get clean to get high with them because they want to be around others that do the things they do so they will not be judged.if that person decides to stay clean the others might stop hanging around that person because they will feel as if the clean one was going to judge them and look down upon them.most people that are overweight understand how miserable it is and how depressing it can be ,when your overweight you know it and your not happy about it but it usually takes a person to reach a certain point to decide to make a change.If others around you have not reached that point or are not interested in changing then you cant force that upon them.It is hard to try to eat healthy when everyone knows your trying to and let's say your husband,wife,brother or sister bring home a pizza for dinner . I would consider that rude when they know i'm trying to stay away from that but at the same time i would need to understand that this was my choice not theirs.I can not expect everyone around me to change their lives and eating habits because I have changed mine.Alli could do is let them know that it's hard for me to be around it and control myself and hope that they have the understanding to want to help me. and by all means please don't be one of those people that go on a diet and after 2 days are telling others what they should be eating and whats healthy and not healthy, It really annoys others and thats like on the second day of med school trying to tell someone the best way to perform a heart surgery.This is our choice to lose the weight and we all have our reasons for wanting to make the changes.with or without support from friends or family we need to decide if we are going to do it regardless.And from what I have seen there are many many people on here that are friendly and very supportive so when you feel like you are alone log on here and be with people that are your people and going through the same things and support each other.


    ^^^^A lot of text but a lot of sense - its worth the couple of minutes effort to absorb so that thanks for posting.
  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
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    bump
  • Amy911Gray
    Amy911Gray Posts: 685 Member
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    I can say that I've stated "I'm going to lose this weight" many many times before. Everyone makes a few small changes that they can live with, and then---I quit.

    So this time was really no different, especially if I went through the motions like I always do. But that didn't happen...

    This time it was different. I planned it out. I talked until they listened. And I worked the program every day and at every meal. And I started shrinking. So when I said, "I want an elliptical machine", there was only the slightest hesitation to spend money.

    I have said no to cakes, cookies, chips, potatoes, rice, and sweet iced tea since August 2011. I made it through the holiday season with no desire to overeat or graze.

    It could be two things-- (1) they think you look fine and don't understand the why's or (2) the task seems too great and they don't want to see you sad. I have had two people that I really respect at work ask me if the weight loss was finished because I look great. And I can see the caring in their eyes and through the tone of their voice. So I tell them, Yes-the concentration on losing weight has changed to firming up, and through that the scales will probably go down another 8 pounds.

    Time for the talking to stop and the showing to start. Try not to talk about this-that way when the weight starts falling off and the clothes start getting smaller, THEY will ask you. It always happens like that. I've gone from a tight 24 to a nicely fitting 6. Cholesterol from over 200 to 171.

    And people are still amazed, but not catty or judgmental, and now--they listen! You can do this for the you right now and the you later on. And later on, the things you have learned right now may help those around you that don't want to listen.

    One more thing...be happy for the choices you are making now, and don't cloud those happy thoughts with negativity. You are going to be great at this! I can hear it in your words!!!
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
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    Thats why you have all of us. People in our lives sometimes simply don;t want things to change...they are thinking of themselves not you.post post post. congratulations.
  • BarbaraC47
    BarbaraC47 Posts: 175 Member
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    Someone started this journey with me but so far has hardly lost anything. I get ignored when I mention weight loss so now I don't do it. We all have to make choices in life and just because nobody supports yours does not make it wrong. We could all do this alone but we choose to use this website to get the support that makes it all so much easier.

    You keep marching to your own drummer, never mind if they can't hear it - you can and THATS whats important.

    Never give up, never surrender!!
  • opuntia
    opuntia Posts: 860 Member
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    Another possibility is that they simply don't realise that you are telling them with the intention that they support you. And they might have no idea what sort of support you want. Throughout my life, most women I've known have been trying to lose weight - and they've talked about this, to me and to lots of other people, and I've generally not said much, because there wasn't much to say. It never occurred to me that they might be telling me so that I'd say something supportive. It just seemed like a commonplace thing that a lot of women do.

    I find men grunt a lot if someone tells them something not terribly important to them. Unless you specifically say to them that this is something important to you, and that you'd like them to talk about it with you, they are unlikely to know this. I find men often like to 'fix things' - if you're just sharing something that you don't need fixing, they don't always know what to say, or realise that saying something is expected of them.

    If I had a flatmate or a partner who was losing weight, I would continue to buy junk food if that was what I liked to eat, just like I would continue to buy meat for myself if they became vegetarian. It wouldn't occur to me that this would be construed as unsupportive. Similarly if I were to start losing weight, I wouldn't expect anyone I was living with to stop buying junk food or to hide it away - if I was finding it difficult to see their junk food, I would simply tell them this and ask them if they could put it somewhere where I couldn't see it!

    If you want support, sometimes you have to ask for it, and be specific about what sort of support you'd like. Realistically, the people in your life will have come across many people who are losing weight, and they might not realise what a huge deal it is for you. As for your sister who changed the subject - is she normally supportive over other things in your life? I have two sisters, one whom I get on really well with, and another with whom the relationship is a bit strained. I wouldn't be telling the second sister anything that was really important to me, or if I was telling her, I wouldn't be expecting support - she tends to see herself as in competition with me, so isn't likely to respond well. But the first sister - I would be telling her with great enthusiasm, and letting her know it was important to me, and if she were to change the subject without commenting, I'd be saying something in a jokey manner about how that was rude and she needs to say something nice and encouraging to me!
  • linnamor
    linnamor Posts: 14
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    Rant away. We all need to let off steam every now and then. As other people have said, do it for you.
  • mdbs2004
    mdbs2004 Posts: 220
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    I agree with them. You are in Packerland. You are supposed to weigh at least 215lbs if you are over 5' tall.

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