She think i'm not loosing enough

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Karenzky
Karenzky Posts: 34 Member
in Motivation and Support
My mom was one of those people that keep pushing me to lose weight, she said she want to see the 'old' me. There was this one time that we were buying a dress for my college graduation (i graduated at the age of 30 because i stopped because i got married got 4 kids etc.) we had a hard time picking a dress because nothing looks good, so she was frustrated and even told the sales lady that i wasnt fat before and even show my picture when i wasnt fat (yeah she carries that all the time lol)
so finally i decided to give it a try and she even promise to treat me to dermatologist when i reach my goal,because for some reason since i became fat my pimples seems to enjoy staying on my face.
For a month we didnt see each other then she saw me 10 lbs less, then 3 months from that 26 lbs less thats yesterday when she saw me again, and she said ' oww you're still fat!' argh! I freakin-lost-goddamn-36-lbs! And that was her reaction? I did not expect her to say i'm skinny but can she have some gentles thing to say? I was 180lbs before and currently 144lbs 5ft tall, i know, i know i have a long way to go but 36 lbs in 4 months isnt bad for my opinion, i deserve some respect for my freakin hardwork.
Sorry for my rant its just so demotivating :(

Replies

  • healthynotthin
    healthynotthin Posts: 223 Member
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    First, I am so sorry that you're struggling with this, but congratulations on the 36lb loss! That's incredible!

    Second, you need to sit down and talk with your mom about that. If my mom ever said things like that to me I would be crying in a corner, possibly rocking back and forth, and never wanting to speak to her again. Mothers were made to be motivators and encouragers, and she needs to understand that she's not doing you any favors by being so critical. That constant reminder of who you "used to be" is just a picture of you, still the same you, from a while back. It's still you, and she needs to understand that negative motivation is no motivation at all. Just sit down and tell her how it makes you feel. How you don't like to be compared to anyone, especially when you're doing the best you can. Weight loss cannot be rushed, but hurt feelings and fragile hearts can be made easily.

    Third, I checked out your profile and damn girl if you can ever go back up to your ex and say to him "guess you have to cut yours, hmm?" that'll be the best reward you could give yourself. ;)

    Finally, don't let her get you down, do this for you and don't do it for anyone else! As long as you want to look your best and be your healthiest, I say go for it, but anyone, especially your mom, who can bully you into changing who you are, should not have any say in what you do.

    That being said, good luck to you love, and remember that honesty is the most important thing you can do with her.
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
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    36 pounds in 16 weeks is incredible. You're selling yourself short to say it's "not bad". Own it! It's INCREDIBLE!

    You could try talking to your mother, but unless you tell her you do not wish to hear any comments on your weight, I don't think it's going to help much. I get the feeling from your post that your mother is not much of a cheerleader and is not likely to become one. It sounds as though the relationship between the two of you is more like you were a child instead of a 30 year old woman with children of her own and a college degree.

    I'm sorry she has been so insensitive and the boundaries between you are so blurry. But your mother has no idea what she's even spouting off about in the case of your weight loss, so please try not to take her comments to heart.
  • ncwall
    ncwall Posts: 64 Member
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    you are doing amazing for starting out. keep up the hard work and like 126 said you are selling your self short. You are losing at a fast pace. Keep pushing through it look to your mfp friends for motivation. I am sorry she does not support you I know its hard not having the family there and wish i had some advice but I did want to say congrats
  • Karenzky
    Karenzky Posts: 34 Member
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    I told her she's mean and explain to her that its not healthy to lose weight drastically..
    About my ex yeah that would be my biggest reward , but i know he wouldnt do that, the same reason why i told my kids not to tell their father i'm losing weight before i hit my goal coz i want him to see me when i'm done and shove it to his face that i can do it but till then i keep it from him , i dont want to hear negative comments from him during this time.. And he is not the reason why i decided to lose weight , its for ME though shoving it to him would be an icing to the cake lol
    And Thank you all for the encouragement! :D
  • ctgirlscout
    ctgirlscout Posts: 90 Member
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    First of all, congratulations on going back to school and finishing after having 4 kids! That is a major accomplishment in itself! I know, because I got my masters at age 49, after 4 kids, and it was a MAJOR challenge! Second, I can relate to the mother thing. She thought I was fat when I was in high school and weighed 130 lbs! (and my grandmother said the same). Of course, when I really gained weight, she always seemed to find a way to express her disapproval of the way I looked. I now live 16 hours away from my mother and I have chosen not to tell her that I'm dieting. If she notices that I've lost weight when I next see her...then she'll be happy. Otherwise, I'll just continue to tune her out. I know my mother loves me, she just can't express things properly (learned from her mother).

    I think you have to focus on being with people who are supportive. Most likely, trying to talk with your mother will not do any good. Personally, I would give her a new picture to replace the one she carries! Perhaps a before and after would help her see the difference in you and then she can brag to her friends how well you are doing. Bottom line, you are doing this for YOU, not for your mother. If you can finish school (with 4 little kids, no less), then you can lose the weight you need to lose. The fact that you have already lost 36 lbs is fantastic! You know that you can do it! Just keep it up, and try to tune out anyone who criticizes you, and you will be victorious in the end.
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
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    Sounds like you and your Mom need to have a really long talk.. I'm sorry you have to deal with this <3

    Just keep on going, you are doing the right things here!! You are doing an AMAZING job! You are taking back your body! I can respect you for that!! =)
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Without meaning to be unecessarily offensive, your mother is a b1tch.
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
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    I'm really sorry for your experience. Losing 38 pounds is a huge accomplishment. You may not be at your goal weight yet but with steady progress you will eventually get there. It sounds like you need to set a boundary with your mom by firmly telling her that her words are hurtful and unhelpful and that if she can't keep those thoughts to herself, she better enjoy of spending time by herself because she sure as heck doesn't sound like she deserves to be spending it with you. I encourage you to set limits here - no one deserves to be treated that way by anyone - especially someone that should love them.
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
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    Sometimes the best of intentions of someone else end up hurting us. Keep up the good work! You are doing fabulous!

    Skin hint - the only thing I ever found to clear up my face was the glycolic cleanser from Serious Skin Care. You can order it on HSN. A tad pricey...but well worth every penny! I've used it for years...
  • Rawr1978
    Rawr1978 Posts: 245 Member
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    I'd pick out one of her physical flaws and pick on it, but i can be petty and mean
  • hydelaa
    hydelaa Posts: 184
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    I just don't get some people!!! Why they say the things they say.. It's like they don't have a filter! I know people like that and interact with people like that...they say stick and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me, BS...BS!!! Words hurt.. I'm sorry you're going through a tough time..CONGRATS!!!!! On your hard work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

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