What constitutes a victory?

So in a spur of the moment decision I signed up for a 5k last week. I have lost a lot of weight over the past couple of years and figured it was time to push my boundaries.

I went into this 5k with some expectations of what I could accomplish.

I wanted to jog the first mile, it lasted instead for about 200 yards. Once I realized that the guy in front of me was walking, and I wasn't catching up with him, I started walking. It started me off slightly ticked off.

Then I realized that my hip was killing me. Every step hurt and it made me even slower. The problem wasn't the cardio, it was the joint pain. I was tempted several times to stop. I had fallen so far behind the crowd that it seemed easier to just ask one of the officials to call a ride for me. I didn't do it though.

As I was into the final mile of the course, they sent the ambulance back along the route to find me and make sure I was ok. When I saw them pull up, I was pissed off. I wanted to tell them to shove it and I could finish without them. I even turned down the water they offered even though I was leaving a trail of wet pavement behind me.

It was nice of them to check on me. At the time though all I could think about was that everyone in town would know on Monday about how poorly I had performed. The ones that had snickered at the starting line (who had no plans of doing it themselves) would be proven right. I shouldn't have been there.

I knew that I at least had to finish. I had to accomplish what they were scared to even attempt.

I did finish, and I was in a pretty foul mood. As the people at the finish line clapped, in my head it was like telling the "special" kid how good his drawing was. I was furious and in pain. I was beating myself up.

I posted my results on here. The response was instantaneous and 100% positive. It made me realize what I would say had any of you done what I did today. I would be baffled if that person had no idea of what they had accomplished.

So I started to look at the good parts.

Not only did I finish, but it pissed me off enough that I want to sign up for the next one. After the race was over today I spent 3-4 hours at a cub scout picnic/fair. Then to top the evening off, we had several friends over for dinner and had a fantastic time. I am exhausted, but satisfied.

I spent almost 20 years hiding from my own life. I am not where I want to be yet, but I have begun to find myself again. We all have a life out there that we are either claiming, or we are hiding from. With the support we have on here, every single one of us can have that life. In the long run, we control it.

So, in taking that step back, it is impossible to think of today as anything less than a victory. I am sore, I hurt, I laughed, I griped, I played with kids, and I ate 2 monster burgers that rocked my world.

And so I defer to your judgement. It sounds like one hell of a victory to me.