Some people don't get it.
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Sometimes when we are very overweight, people look at us and think or wonder to themselves, "Boy, that person should really do something about their weight." Then we DO begin to do something about it, and it somehow invites all those people who ever thought thoughts to say what they are thinking out loud. Things like acting as if they 'caught' you when you and your wife have a well deserved treat meal. It makes them feel clever or superior to you as if somehow they NEED to tell you so that you will know that you are being watched. And you are right. It is so very annoying.
That is why, this time, although I have made a truly quality decision, and set a genuine goal, I have told very very few people what I am doing, and have just gone about it. It has been hard though, since all of my exercise has been at my sons school, and everyone knows me there. I have had one or two folks ask me if I have begun teaching there as they now see me there so much. HA.
You are doing great Big Dane. Don't worry if they dont get it. You and your wife do. And so do we.0 -
I haven't figured that out. The people at work make me feel like things are my fault, like where we eat. It's like someone mentions going out to eat at a certain place then the first question is well can "she" eat there. I am compassionate to their needs and ignorance but sometimes I wish I had some support too. I usually just give in for them but then I feel bad that I did it and feel bad that no one seems to care. It does brew up some resentment and distance between us but I don't know what to do. I've tried to educate them on my health needs/why I do this but I still feel like I'm stupid for my efforts. Plus if I just give in to them then I feel like I am not standing up for my health. For me this issue is a no-win.
i learned something recently, about communication. It is as much about the talking as the listening.
My father and i have this really great, close relationship. I can actually talk about anything i want with him. He is my best friend, and i , his. We pride ourselves on knowing everything there is to know about one another.
Wrong.
The other day, i called him to see if he wanted to have coffee together, i would come over. He sounded gruff and miserable on the phone. My instant thought was, oh...he is having a bad day. No problem, nice to have the warning. I went over. made the coffee, while he was in the livingroom. He looked like he had a scowl on his face. We talked for a bit, and i noticed him relaxing. Finally i asked him what was bothering him. He gave me this strange look, and said, "Nothing, why?". So, i told him, what i just wrote here (i won't type it again, lol). He laughed and said, "No, no, i was sleeping and the phone woke me up." Turned out he had been up real late(got stuck on POGO, lol)
My point is...i heard what i thought was real, letting my own mind draw conclusions.
Perhaps when your co-workers ask if it is a place where you can eat...they are being as conciderate to you, as you are to them.
Now, obviously i am not there, so i can't hear how they are saying it, butsometimes we let our insecurities, fears, worries, etc set the "tone" of what someone says to us.
However, if you ask them straight out if it realy bothers them...they may realize they haven't been fair to you, or they can explain to you, how thye feel...when all the cardds are on the table, so to speak, then maybe you can all come to a comprimise, where no one feels bad, and your work environment may improve.
Most importantly, you are doing something positive for yourself...never feel guilty about that...feel empowered.0 -
For my height and age, I'm 30 pounds overweight. And unfortunately, I'm at "that age" where it doesn't come off easy anymore. And when I'm fully dressed (not bragging now), I don't look overweight - I've learned to disguise it. So when I sit down in the lunchroom at work with my little can of salmon and some triscuits, I hear: "is THAT all you're going to eat? Good grief, you don't need to lose weight! Here, have a bagel!"
So my reply? "you haven't, probably never will, see me in my underwear. If you do, you will understand why I'm eating like this". I've had weight issues, eating issues my whole life (so far). I've heard it from family and "friends". Mostly them debating or discounting my need to eat healthy.
OH my gosh! That is exactly how I am and feel. I can disguise my "weight" and people tell me I look good but me in my undies is just "NOT HOT".
I'm glad I'm not the only one... well, sort of...
Have a great day!!! :flowerforyou:
Angela0 -
OMG.....I must tell you about my husbands friend, that lost almost 80 pounds for her wedding, and tortured me with her constant remarks about my weight, on the day of her wedding they had the limo go to Mcdonalds and that was the day she went off her diet. She got pregnant on the honey moon and its been over a year since her baby was born and she is in bad shape.She has put on at least a hundred pounds, but doesn't notice because she is always to busy looking at my weight.....
On this past Sunday we attended a fundraiser together, and it was all you can drink and eat buffet, i prepared myself a small plate consisting of a hotdog w/no bun, one spoon of rice and one wing, one spoon of pasta....I ate the hot dog and rice and couldn't eat the rest because I didn't care for it.
She, prepared herself and ate not one ,not two , but three over loaded plates of food. My mother inlaw was shocked that she ate so much, and ended up taking hotdog to go!
This is the person that laughed at me for starting to diet and exercise, and she asked me how long is this going to last?
And she reminded me about the calories in my rum and diet coke beverage I allowed myself to have, I simply stated to her with the calories I ate and what was in my drink, didn't compare to what she just stuffed in her mouth...........
What's wronge with people? What happened to supporting a friend?0 -
I only want to lose 4 more pounds and you tend to get a lot of unintentional abuse from people who say, "but you're so SKINNNNNYYY ... you can eat that, why not?" ... Last time I was faced with some social plate of food (cookies that looked so not worth it) and that "you're skinny you can eat anything" comment from a well-meaning friend, I looked at her and put my hands on my hips in a sort of a pose and said, "you think THIS just HAPPENS??" It got a few laughs and made a point. But mostly, it's none of anyone's business because people always have something to say to you, and usually it's more telling about THEM than anything else. That's what this forum is for !! To talk to people who are of like minds for support rather than hope to get it from people around you who are really kind of clueless. Of course anyone who's said "wow, you've lost some weight !! what are you doing !!!" I immediately tell them "myfitnesspal.com !!"0
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When at 20 years old I was 200 lbs and had to have my gallbladder removed, it finally clicked to me that I needed to lose weight. I went on the South Beach diet and dropped 35 lbs over the course of about 9 months. When my family showed up to my college graduation and I was 165, they were flabbergasted.
Its been 5 years since then and I tend to fluctuate 5 pounds in either direction of that 165. I got married at 165... but I'm still 20 lbs overweight for my height. And I'm sick of it! So now I'm really sticking to this meals plan and exercise on MFP.
Now, though, I've started getting these questions... "Why are you dieting now? Wasn't your wedding a month ago??" or "Don't lose any more weight, you look great right now" Really? How do you know I wouldn't look FABULOUS at 145? I agree with the girls who said, "How do you know what I look like in my underwear?"
Frankly, I'm losing the weight for my honeymoon. We leave for Las Vegas on December 28th and I plan on wearing a REALLY HOT dress for New Years Eve.
Other people definitely need to have other people eating to justify their eating habits. I'm just lucky enough to have a husband that pushes me to keep going on the days I just want to have some french fries!0 -
What is wrong with some people. Do they not know it's hard enough to do this without the peanut galleries adding comments. :huh:
I really think if someone has not struggled with weight loss and shifting eating habits, people really have no clue how difficult it is. Food is one of the few things that is always in a person's face. You cannot get a way from it, and of course you need it to survive. If anyone asks me if I want a cookie/muffin/etc., I tell them, "No thanks, I'm good." I had a guy say, "Oh, no one can refuse a cookie." I again said, "No thanks" and walked away. More people need to ask me if I want a carrot... :huh:
Keep up the good work and ignore the discouraging people. Of course this is a "take my advice I am not using it" deal since I have told no one about what I am doing. I don't want the discouraging comments either! :laugh:
Good luck!0 -
I must admit I am not in most of the situations you all describe. I'm a schoolbus driver so there is not an office full of sweets to avoid but my boss has always taken a positive interest in how I'm doing. He's rooting for me to lose everything I told him I wanted too. Most of the people in my life are really considerate too. I've been doing this for three months and I am finally getting the support I want at home. Last Saturday I made myself a salad at my mom's while my brothers family opted out for McD's and my mom wanted a sandwich. No one said anything negative about it at all, in fact my mom said she had all the fixin's for salad since she knows I like them for lunch. My sister- in-law was telling how to make cake with diet coke from weightwatchers. They were all supportive. I'm so glad I don't have half the negative things I'm hearing going on in my life because this would be sooo much harder to do. But I am glad I also have this mfp family to turn to when I need them and I want to be there for them when they need it.0
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This can be an interesting conversation to navigate. I have one friend in particular who doesn't seem to get it.
When we met, bless he heart she was about 100 or so pounds over weight. I have never struggled with very large amounts of extra weight but as other have stated - you don't know what I look like in my skivies.:noway:
I admit and am thankful that I carry my weight very well but have always wanted to "get in shape" and by that I just want to be healthier! If that means dropping 10-15 pounds from my 155 pound frame then so be it. (I'm 5'7")
Now this friend of mine joined a gym earlier this year, hired a trainer, and a diet coach. She is doing incredibly well, looks amazing and seems to be much happier! I am VERY proud of her.:drinker:
At the same time - I kinda feel like she puts me down. When I told her that she had inspired me with her healthy living and I was going to take steps to do the same her response was "Oh whatever, you're skinny already" in a very negative tone of voice.:brokenheart:
I don't really understand her attitude - I don't take it personally but it bums me out when she talks that way!:sad:
All in all I'm still proud of her! And now of myself! :flowerforyou:0 -
You should be proud of yourself. :drinker: Some people make it seem like if you don't lose a whole lot of weight, it doesn't count. Whether you are trying to lose 5 pounds or 105 pounds, it's hard and you should be proud of your progress, no matter how much or how little. :flowerforyou:0
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Hi. I'm new. Been reading your posts. Good points. I'm almost 40. Never had to worry about weight until this last year. Age does something negative to the body. I am not disciplined AT all and have the will power of a doorknob. hehe. Everyone says I look good and I'm skinny but I'm tall and can hide weight. I've gained 7 lbs in the last two months and am freaking out.
To help keep fattening stuff out of the office......I asked everyone if they wanted to start a "Biggest Loser" contest because of the winter months coming up. If I don't have motivation or a goal, I just eat. It worked. All of us in the office weighed in last week. It's a daily struggle and has to be seen as a lifestyle, NOT a diet.
Keep up your posts. I enjoy reading them.
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I get the same thing. Your skinny. My husband thinks I'm bulemic (?) because "I think I'm fat even though I'm not." It gets really old hearing all this.
Don't let it get you down. Stay positive.0 -
It sounds like you live in a great town. My whole family is very active but we live in New Jersey which does not have the beautiful scenery and mountains that are shown in your picture. That's great that you and your significant other can enjoy the outdoors so much. I'm jealous of that!! And it's much more fun to work off the calories by being active than to skip something you really want to eat.
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I hate to be the one to bring this up, but there are some people out there who *don't* want to see you succeed. Competition comes into play in terms of people's motivations more often than I'd like to admit. I've seen it a lot with women who all work in an office together. . .0
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This can be an interesting conversation to navigate. I have one friend in particular who doesn't seem to get it.
When we met, bless he heart she was about 100 or so pounds over weight. I have never struggled with very large amounts of extra weight but as other have stated - you don't know what I look like in my skivies.:noway:
I admit and am thankful that I carry my weight very well but have always wanted to "get in shape" and by that I just want to be healthier! If that means dropping 10-15 pounds from my 155 pound frame then so be it. (I'm 5'7")
Now this friend of mine joined a gym earlier this year, hired a trainer, and a diet coach. She is doing incredibly well, looks amazing and seems to be much happier! I am VERY proud of her.:drinker:
At the same time - I kinda feel like she puts me down. When I told her that she had inspired me with her healthy living and I was going to take steps to do the same her response was "Oh whatever, you're skinny already" in a very negative tone of voice.:brokenheart:
I don't really understand her attitude - I don't take it personally but it bums me out when she talks that way!:sad:
All in all I'm still proud of her! And now of myself! :flowerforyou:
I am large like your friend. I really need to lose about 100 lbs. It is daunting to think about and extremely hard to get up the motivation to get the ball rolling and sticking to it ! It is a hard road always being big. We can't wear our clothes just the right way to hide anything. If we were given a chance to have your body for a week we would absolutely LOVE the way we look in our underwear ...we would probably want to show people too ! I think the attitude comes from thinner people seeming to be ungrateful for the body they have. I mean if you really think about it how would you feel it you were 100 lbs over weight and some one says to you gee if I drop 10 to 15 lbs that would be great if not then thats ok too ? That is frustrating to us. We would love to have your body exactly the way it is. You seem to be happy with your weight and really just want to adopt a healthier life style, that is a fabulous thing to do ! Being obese sucks hard. Trying to get rid of the fat that loves us sucks hard too. I think your friends attitude comes from her having to fight so hard to get anywhere close to where you already are and she might be a little jealous. I know I get that way and yeah I know it is hard work for you too, it just appears not to be as hard for you. Good luck in your journey and to your friend as well. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
Let me interject this on behalf of "relatively skinny people who hate their bodies" :
To trade bodies with someone, you'd also be getting their psyche, their deepest insecurities and fears -- all that messy emotional stuff that is intangible on the outside but very real on the inside.
So, if I'm 130 lbs and I still don't like the way I look, you can't possibly know what that feels like. You can't say you'd want my 130-lb mind. On the other side of the equation, though I have an idea of what it's like to feel fat, and to be slightly overweight, I have no idea what it's like to be really overweight.
I've always been of the opinion it's pretty much pointless to speculate about people's emotions: you can never really know what someone's thinking unless they tell you. Which is why, as someone wisely pointed out in another thread, listening is so very important.0 -
Wow!!!
Reading everyones post on this subject has been en lighting. Maybe it's not that they don't get it. Perhaps it is more about their insecurities, jealousies and motivation. The more I think about it, the comments that fly at us are really not about us at all it about them. I think I will listen more closely to what is behind the comment instead of taking it personally. I'm pretty sure what I will find is just more resolve why I need to stay strong in my belief that I'm on the right path for me.
Stay positive everyone0 -
It really is all about how you feel...whether you're 20 lbs overweight or 100 lbs overweight, theres no way anyone else can tell you how to feel about yourself. For example, my sister in law is very slender...she's probably underweight now. She used to be right on the lower cusp of what her healthy weight should be, then she decided to drop 10 lbs because her "belly poked out". She showed me what she meant, it was like.... :noway: What are you talking about?! But SHE felt fat with that teensy weensy little bit of extra chub on her belly, even though no one else thought that of her.
Now me, I need to lose 20 lbs. To someone who needs to lose 100 lbs, they would probably look at me the same way I look at my sister in law...but its all relative to the person...If you feel fat and are unhappy with yourself, how can you judge that about someone else? I have never been more than 30 lbs overweight in my life, but I'm also very small in stature so 30 lbs on me is more than it would be on a larger person...but even though its "only" 20 lbs I have left to lose, its still extremely difficult to get motivated and lose the weight. I also think those last 10-15 lbs are probably the hardest to shed, your body seems to want to hang onto it badly
As to why people put you down for your weight loss efforts, I really do agree that some people don't like to see others succeed where they have failed. Or if its the case of a friend who's lost weight and now their friend is also losing weight, maybe it becomes an issue of competition or perhaps that friend was feeling superior for having lost the weight...I dunno, its sad really.0 -
It's old...but
*Bump*0 -
It's old...but
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Old but motivating... thanks for the *B*U*M*P*!!!!!!!!!!!!!0
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