"You Look Great!" Really???

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  • just4nessa
    just4nessa Posts: 459 Member
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    I know exactly what you mean! I moved out of state and only see my friends back home every few months. Most of them stick with the 'you look great, you have not gained weight!' line. I just shrug it off though. I have one friend that I complained to about my weight and she responded with 'well, I wasn't going to bring it up but....' I had to laugh at that and value her friendship even more now.

    I agree with you about wanting to hear and being able to handle the truth but keep in mind that some people say those things because they honestly feel that you do look great (which you do) and they see you for you, not for how much you weigh.
  • sweetchildomine
    sweetchildomine Posts: 872 Member
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    I'm sorry but some of the people that replied on here are totally rude...but ANYWAY, I understand COMPLETELY what you're saying!! You don't want them to go up to you and be like "Oh wow, you've gained so much weight!!" HOWEVER, if they know you're trying to lose weight, it's annoying that they try to push food on you or say "Oh, you can have one of these donuts! You already look great!!" My friends do that and I hate it with a passion. I feel like if you're my friend you should support my efforts not try to help me do worse! I actually wrote a post about this exact same thing not too long ago lol.You do look great but I think that a lot of people fail to realize that regardless of how everyone else sees you, it doesn't make you feel any better until YOU feel happy in your own skin.
  • germangirl2007
    germangirl2007 Posts: 31 Member
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    Thank you all for the great advice....too many to quote. The grating part is when people keep pushing, especially since I was NEVER one to turn down a dessert or pretty much any form of junk food and it is SO hard for me to say no. My problem - not theirs! I set the precedent, and now I am changing the rules.:) I do understand that maybe people truthfully don't notice the weight. I think it is hard for me to accept that because it is SO noticeable to me. As I said, I figred this was ridiculous, but I appreciate the comments and advice. One of the main reasons I love MFP. You all are motivating, encouraging, and provide a smack upside the head when I need it. :)
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    People who care about us don't judge us or even "see" us the same way we see ourselves.

    A perfect example of this was my Dad. He had pitch black hair. Darker than mine. In my eyes, he always had black hair. One year, for Christmas, one of my brothers got him, as a joke, one of those baseball hats with the fake ponytail in the back. The tail was grey. I thought, "WTF? That doesn't match Dad's hair. Dad has black... oh, crap. It does match. When did Dad turn grey?!"

    I didn't notice my father going slowly grey, because I loved him and didn't look at him that way. Just like your friends don't notice if you put on a few pounds. Because they love you and aren't superficial, judgmental b-words.

    If you want to do something healthy with them, be the change you want to see. :smile:
  • germangirl2007
    germangirl2007 Posts: 31 Member
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    People who care about us don't judge us or even "see" us the same way we see ourselves.

    A perfect example of this was my Dad. He had pitch black hair. Darker than mine. In my eyes, he always had black hair. One year, for Christmas, one of my brothers got him, as a joke, one of those baseball hats with the fake ponytail in the back. The tail was grey. I thought, "WTF? That doesn't match Dad's hair. Dad has black... oh, crap. It does match. When did Dad turn grey?!"

    I didn't notice my father going slowly grey, because I loved him and didn't look at him that way. Just like your friends don't notice if you put on a few pounds. Because they love you and aren't superficial, judgmental b-words.

    If you want to do something healthy with them, be the change you want to see. :smile:

    Love this.
  • 2Bgoddess
    2Bgoddess Posts: 1,096 Member
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    I avoid the situation by not refusing the food because it is bad for me, i just pull the, "i'm just not in the mood for that right now. I am really craving the (insert your healthier choice item here).
  • likemeinvisible
    likemeinvisible Posts: 309
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    25lbs can go unnoticeable, I had a friend who gained that amount and I didn't notice. Tell them the number, tell them you need to lose 25lbs. Friends can help if you let them.
  • txlissa62
    txlissa62 Posts: 128
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    Years ago, I had a friend who lost 30 pounds. This was someone I saw at least every couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't notice that she had lost weight, and she was a bit upset with me about it.

    But honestly, I didn't notice it. I also didn't notice that she had put on 30 pounds. She is one of those women who carry their weight well, no matter what she weighs. She is also one of those women who always looks perfectly put together, even if it's just to take out the trash. She didn't wear clothes that looked too small or too big for her; they were always perfectly tailored.

    It's entirely possible that your friends didn't notice. And they're right - you do look great.

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