Body dysmorphia

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AmberJslimsAWAY
AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
edited December 2024 in Motivation and Support
I think I have a bad case of body dysmophia. I went shopping this weekend, and I bought a shirt that was a med. it fits, and I look great, I feel like I LOOK thin. But, I was talking to my sister in law the other day about how I was glad to be losing weight, so I wouldn't be "fat" anymore, and she looked at me like I was stupid. "You've never been fat, Amber" She said, "Why do you think when you ask if you look fat in something, most of the time I don't say anything."

All I see is everything wrong with my body. The pudge here, the dimple there. There's a thread today about 'big frames' I've always thought I had a big frame, but then I thought about it, and MFP would jump down my throat if I said I did.

Has anyone ever changed their body dysmorphia? To see what's actually there? What everyone else sees? I wish I could.

Replies

  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    I've been professionally diagnosed with body dysmporphic disorder. It's gotten better, but it's still a struggle to see what's really there and not still see someone much bigger in the mirror. Or in pictures. I'm almost embarrassed by pictures of myself, even current ones showing my 30lb weight lost.. It sucks, it's really tough, and I HATE feeling like I'm fishing for compliments when I have a "bad body image" day.

    I can look at the numbers, the size of my pants, the change is there, and I know in my head that I am healthy and in relatively good shape, but I just do not see it sometimes. I think it's one of those things that never totally goes away, but it does get better. I used to hate the way I looked pretty much every day, but now it's only maybe once a week or so that I just can't get past my own head. I've gotten the "you've never been fat, what are you talking about" thing several times, and then I just convince myself that I was just really good at dressing to hide how big I was, or that I distribute weight very evenly, or whatever.

    Going to a therapist and really focusing on my health have definitely helped, but it's definitely something I struggle with to this day. You're beautiful, and you've come a long way, and just know that you're doing a great job!!
  • emsicle_o
    emsicle_o Posts: 162 Member
    You look slim to me. certainly not big framed

    Maybe you should work out what size you THINK you are (i.e. you might buy size UK 10 clothes which fit perfectly, but your mind sees you as, say, a 16 or 18 or 20).

    Buy some clothes in that wrong size, look at yourself in the mirror and see how baggy and silly they look on you. Then put on your proper size and realise actually you're a lot slimmer than you thought.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    You look slim to me. certainly not big framed

    Maybe you should work out what size you THINK you are (i.e. you might buy size UK 10 clothes which fit perfectly, but your mind sees you as, say, a 16 or 18 or 20).

    Buy some clothes in that wrong size, look at yourself in the mirror and see how baggy and silly they look on you. Then put on your proper size and realise actually you're a lot slimmer than you thought.

    I think the size thing is one of my biggest issues. I wear a 12 US, and I feel like that size is HUGE! But in reality I just have very wide hips. Any time I tell someone what size I wear, they argue.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    To see what's actually there? What everyone else sees? I wish I could.

    Try becoming a man. Then you will look in the mirror and think you look awesome when in fact you look like a hot mess...

    Drawing from this obviously it's a mental game of changing perception. I don't think it helps that women, although increasingly men, are bombarded with unrealistic and sometimes entirely false images of beauty and perfection for no other reason than to flog some tawdry product.

    Quite frankly, entities or people like that don't deserve to hold any kind of power over us and need to take a hike. It's exploitation of our vulnerabilities for their own gain.

    How to change it and get some psychic defence going on? Training yourself to have positive mental self imagery, positive visualisations, killing negative thoughts dead as soon as they arise, looking at things rationally and philosophically rather than emotionally.

    It's work, like anything else...
  • blonde71
    blonde71 Posts: 955 Member
    I can so relate to this. When I was pregnant with my first child way back in 2001, I went shopping for maternity clothes. Granted, i wasn't in great shape but I wasn't overweight either. I kept telling the clerk that I need a large in everything. She looked really puzzled and finally said to me, "Honey, you're not a large at all. Why would you think that? Try the smaller sizes on. Trust me." I begrudgingly tried some of the clothes on in the smaller sizes convinced they wouldn't fit....well, they did. That was the first time that I thought "I'm not seeing what others see." It's happened on this site numerous times. I'll ask someone if they see some progress in my pics because I really don't and mutliple people will tell me that they definitely do. It's hard to change a lifetime of thinking when you've had such a bad body image.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    I can so relate to this. When I was pregnant with my first child way back in 2001, I went shopping for maternity clothes. Granted, i wasn't in great shape but I wasn't overweight either. I kept telling the clerk that I need a large in everything. She looked really puzzled and finally said to me, "Honey, you're not a large at all. Why would you think that? Try the smaller sizes on. Trust me." I begrudgingly tried some of the clothes on in the smaller sizes convinced they wouldn't fit....well, they did. That was the first time that I thought "I'm not seeing what others see." It's happened on this site numerous times. I'll ask someone if they see some progress in my pics because I really don't and mutliple people will tell me that they definitely do. It's hard to change a lifetime of thinking when you've had such a bad body image.

    The thing is, I KNOW I'm not fat. I've never really been "fat". I'm overweight by the chart on the doctor's wall, but I'm pretty sure everyone is. But I'm the same. I need a large EVERYTHIng, when in reality, I don't.... at all... It just kind of hit me today that this is a huge problem I have, and I'm glad I'm not the only one.

    You look great btw :P
  • LadyIvysMom
    LadyIvysMom Posts: 391 Member
    I can so relate to this. When I was pregnant with my first child way back in 2001, I went shopping for maternity clothes. Granted, i wasn't in great shape but I wasn't overweight either. I kept telling the clerk that I need a large in everything. She looked really puzzled and finally said to me, "Honey, you're not a large at all. Why would you think that? Try the smaller sizes on. Trust me." I begrudgingly tried some of the clothes on in the smaller sizes convinced they wouldn't fit....well, they did. That was the first time that I thought "I'm not seeing what others see." It's happened on this site numerous times. I'll ask someone if they see some progress in my pics because I really don't and mutliple people will tell me that they definitely do. It's hard to change a lifetime of thinking when you've had such a bad body image.

    The thing is, I KNOW I'm not fat. I've never really been "fat". I'm overweight by the chart on the doctor's wall, but I'm pretty sure everyone is. But I'm the same. I need a large EVERYTHIng, when in reality, I don't.... at all... It just kind of hit me today that this is a huge problem I have, and I'm glad I'm not the only one.

    You look great btw :P

    I wear a size 12 jeans and am overweight by the doctors charts. People think I'm crazy for wanting to lose weight. I think as women we just get so many mixed messages and confusing signs about what we're supposed to weigh.

    A healthy woman should be X lbs at X height, says one web site. Another web site says something slightly different. A BMI site says you're overweight. Your mom says you're underweight. You have clothes (like I do) that range in size from the size 4 dress I wore Friday to the size 12 jeans I wore Saturday to the size Medium running pants I wore Sunday to the size 8 jeans I'm wearing today. I take my waist measurement. If I measure around just under my rib cage, I'm in perfect health. Around my navel, I'm a big fat, fatty. In the morning you weight 140. At night you weigh 148. And god forbid you get pregnant because then who the hell knows what size you'll be or where your weight should be at. You see a picture of a model, she weighs 115. You see a picture of Marilyn Monroe. She weighed 135.

    This is why women have such screwed up body images. Because there is no consistency with anything, ever. It's a wonder more of us don't just snap.
  • shorty35565
    shorty35565 Posts: 1,425 Member
    I can so relate to this. When I was pregnant with my first child way back in 2001, I went shopping for maternity clothes. Granted, i wasn't in great shape but I wasn't overweight either. I kept telling the clerk that I need a large in everything. She looked really puzzled and finally said to me, "Honey, you're not a large at all. Why would you think that? Try the smaller sizes on. Trust me." I begrudgingly tried some of the clothes on in the smaller sizes convinced they wouldn't fit....well, they did. That was the first time that I thought "I'm not seeing what others see." It's happened on this site numerous times. I'll ask someone if they see some progress in my pics because I really don't and mutliple people will tell me that they definitely do. It's hard to change a lifetime of thinking when you've had such a bad body image.

    The thing is, I KNOW I'm not fat. I've never really been "fat". I'm overweight by the chart on the doctor's wall, but I'm pretty sure everyone is. But I'm the same. I need a large EVERYTHIng, when in reality, I don't.... at all... It just kind of hit me today that this is a huge problem I have, and I'm glad I'm not the only one.

    You look great btw :P
    I'm pretty sure I'm not over weight by the chart on the Drs wall, but I feel I'm fat. I can't even say I'm not fat. I carry the majority if my weight between my hips & waist, in my belly & love handles. I have smaller legs & hips, in a size 5/6 tht I can put on & take of w/o ubuttoning. But u have to wear a large in a shirt cuz of my gut. I look like I'm preg cuz my waist is kinda small so it goes in & then underneath my belly goes out. All my friends & family say I'm small, but I can't see it. I get really confused as to how they see it.
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