I just remembered something funny from the Army

digitalbill
digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
in Chit-Chat
I had been in for about 6 months or so and I found myself stationed at Ft Gordon. I was an E-2 Private and looking to make a good impression on everyone.
I asked one of the Drill SGT's on post how he kept his BDU's (Camoflage uniform) looking crisp and he told me that he uses a lot of starch.

So, I went out and bought liquid starch. If you have never seen this, it is starch that comes in a jug instead of a spray bottle.
Since I am a guy, directions are for sissies.
Anyway, I pored the starch in a mop bucket, dunked my uniform in the bucket, and then ironed the uniform.
I hung it up to dry.
A few hours later, I was greated with a uniform that might as well been made out of concrete. I mean, seriously, this thing would not MOVE.
After a few minutes with the garden hose, I was able to get it into the washing machine.
I thought that a wash cycle would be enough so I took it out (still damp), re-ironed it and hung it up. I had to do this FIVE times just to get it enough to where I could wear the uniform.

By the way, I was supposed to do a 10:1 ratio of water to starch.

Replies

  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
    Ironing for dummies. :P
  • Netterz0087
    Netterz0087 Posts: 91 Member
    Haha nice! I'm surprised the Army irons their uniforms?! I'm in the CG and apparently with the fabric our uniforms are made out of we're not supposed to iron them. I heard the AF is the same way.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    Haha nice! I'm surprised the Army irons their uniforms?! I'm in the CG and apparently with the fabric our uniforms are made out of we're not supposed to iron them. I heard the AF is the same way.
    You are not "supposed" to and in a field unit, you absolutly don't however, in a garrison unit, ironed uniforms, polished boots, and all the other crap that comes with garrison is the norm.
  • Meatsies
    Meatsies Posts: 351 Member
    LOL!!

    My take on ironing is best summed up by the following brief anecdote:

    My sister gave me a bin of baby clothes, apologetically saying, "You're going to hate me. Every one of these things will need to be ironed before Shae wears them."

    I got home with the bin, opened it, and started pulling pretty little dresses out, one at a time, totally puzzled. Not a durn thing in that bin needed ironing, by my estimation.

    I bought an iron 4 years ago. I recently used it for the first time to put a hem in the bottom of a set of curtains.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
    Here we go, buying you guys all these expensive kevlar bullet-resistant flak jackets, when all we needed to do was ship you a few gallons of starch! Cheesh. :laugh:

    Just kidding - thanks for your service and no gear is too good for you folks.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
    ... baby clothes, ... need to be ironed ."

    I'm desperately trying to correlate "clothing that is inevitably going to be puked on" with "needs ironing". I got nothin'.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    Something else that was funny.
    When I was stationed in Germany, I had just gotten my promotion to E-5 (SGT.) and I was told by my platoon SGT to take the two new Privates and get them their Military driver’s license.
    Basically, this was a simple test to make sure that they could steer a vehicle without killing anyone.
    So I took these two privates (We will call them “Smith” and “Davis”) out to my Military vehicle (Basically, a Military version of the Mercedes G Wagon) and explained what we were doing.
    Davis spoke up and explained he didn’t know how to drive. I dismissed him as being full of crap. I mean, what kind of an adult has never driven before?
    So, all three of us get in and I drove out to the Rugby field. I thought this was the safest place because the only things you can hit is either a 10 ft fence or one of the goalposts.
    Smith gets in the driver’s seat first and he drives around for a few moments. He puts it in 4WD and drives around more.
    Satisfied, I order him into the back seat and Davis into the front seat. Again, he insists he cannot drive. I tell him to shut up and get in.
    So, he gets in and tries to start it. It lurches forward. “Put it in neutral” I bark at him. Smith starts laughing so I give him a look and he stops.
    Davis is looking at the stick shift and is confused so I reach over and put it in neutral for him. “Now, start it again”.
    He starts it up and looks at me. “OK, let’s go”. I told him. Again, he looks at me. “Put it in gear Private!”. He grabs the stick and shoves it forward. GRIND!!!!! “Jesus Private! PUSH IN THE CLUCH!!!!”.
    He comes back. “I told you Sarge, I can’t drive!”.
    “Don’t you raise your voice to me boy!” I barked back. So, clutch in, first gear and.. stall. Smith is laughing harder now which is causing me to have a mix of laughing and yelling.
    We finally get rolling in first gear and, after some coaxing, we are in SECOND gear!!!!
    WOO HOO!!!!
    So, we are now heading towards the 10 ft chain link fence that separates the edge of the rugby field from a large ditch. Calmly, I say, “Ok Private, go ahead and make a right turn.
    Nothing.
    Turn right, Private.
    Nothing.
    TURN RIGHT!!!!
    He hits the fence and drives about two feet up it before finally stalling out.
    Smith is laughing so hard he can’t even breath anymore and I am in tears from laughing.
    I finally look at the driver and I say, OK, push in the clutch and start it back up.
    He looks at me and says, “Not a chance Sargent. I am not driving anymore”
    I look at him and give him a stern order. “Start this vehicle right now”.
    He looked me dead in the face and told me “You can have me court marshaled, I am not driving anymore.
    After I got us off the fence, I reported back to my Platoon SGT.
    “Hey, remember when Davis said he couldn’t drive? He was telling the truth”.
  • Turtlehurdle
    Turtlehurdle Posts: 412
    I have some storiess
  • SVCat
    SVCat Posts: 1,483 Member
    I had been in for about 6 months or so and I found myself stationed at Ft Gordon. I was an E-2 Private and looking to make a good impression on everyone.
    I asked one of the Drill SGT's on post how he kept his BDU's (Camoflage uniform) looking crisp and he told me that he uses a lot of starch.

    So, I went out and bought liquid starch. If you have never seen this, it is starch that comes in a jug instead of a spray bottle.
    Since I am a guy, directions are for sissies.
    Anyway, I pored the starch in a mop bucket, dunked my uniform in the bucket, and then ironed the uniform.
    I hung it up to dry.
    A few hours later, I was greated with a uniform that might as well been made out of concrete. I mean, seriously, this thing would not MOVE.
    After a few minutes with the garden hose, I was able to get it into the washing machine.
    I thought that a wash cycle would be enough so I took it out (still damp), re-ironed it and hung it up. I had to do this FIVE times just to get it enough to where I could wear the uniform.

    By the way, I was supposed to do a 10:1 ratio of water to starch.

    BAHAHAHAHA, Private Pyle...good job.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    I have some storiess
    Bring em.
    I have a ton of funny ones because, basically, I was an overgrown frat boy with a steady paycheck and a ton of testostrone.
  • SVCat
    SVCat Posts: 1,483 Member
    I'm game, I'll share mine also.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    Just remember that when you use "Military" words, you might need to describe them for the Non-vet folks so that they can also laugh.
    For example, if you say M60, you might need to further describe it as "The big Machine gun Rambo used."

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