depressed...

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shonovo
shonovo Posts: 104
in Motivation and Support
I dont know why this is happening to me, but I am doing really well.. I lost 20 lbs in a month and a half and I am getting so many compliments from friends, but for some reason, I am feeling really depressed... I feel like even though i have come such a long way i still have such a long way to go... even though all my clothes are too big on me, i still feel like a horse... I dont know why i feel like this when I should be feeling amazing.. my friends in real life would not understand which is why I am turning to you, my fellow MFP friends. I love the new way I am eating and the way my body feels but my body image issues are still really strong. I volunteered at an event yesterday and I got a size M shirt as per my friend's recommendations and I kept feeling like it was tight and my friend had to keep telling me it looks really good on u etc... i just cant see it/feel it and i want to feel and look skinny which i dont feel like i do... i am sorry i am so whiney i just feel like no one except for you guys will understand where i am coming from. I hope you guys can get me out this awful funk where i dont belong :( i love you guys!!

Replies

  • AmyBecky74
    AmyBecky74 Posts: 437 Member
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    I think it's just human nature to think that "finish line" should be closer than it really is. What your feeling isn't unusally. This is a hard and long juorney and overwhelms the mind when thinking of it in one big picture. I know it's hard but try to take it in little accomplishments whether it be month to month or holiday to holiday or jean size to jean size. Also I believe certain times of month or change of seasons affects our mood, so what might fustrate us or make us sad today won't bother us next week. Plus sometimes we just have to complain, it feels good to get it off our chests. I hope some of this makes sense and maybe helps alittle. Good luck to you, don't give up.
  • maryjay51
    maryjay51 Posts: 742
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    it takes a while... i lost 80lbs and there are days i still think im that person 80lbs ago. its even hard for me to go shop for clothes. i get confused because when i try on extra large shirts i swim in them and im thinking i grabbed the wrong size . its hard mentally adjusting. and its scary. its almost like you are discovering yourself all over again .
  • pixelsurgeon88
    pixelsurgeon88 Posts: 39 Member
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    Sometimes even though i have lost weight I feel frumpy and ugly.

    To overcome this I just take my time getting ready doing my hair and makeup....it makes me feel more put together.

    Also new items of clothing also help...personally I want to get down to my goal weight before I go on a shopping spree. But buying an item on sale such as a new top for under $20 can really make me feel better.
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
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    I'm there... I've lost almost seventy five#... And I look in the mirror and see blob...

    My profile pic is printed and posted in my armoire and on my bathroom along with the scripture "the King is enthralled with your beauty"... And I remind myself that God makes all things glorious and God made me (so that makes me glorious)... Daily... Sometimes hourly I have to remind myself that I am beautiful... I am glorious... I am worthy...

    It's helping... I actually FELT pretty today... For the first time in a long time
  • Thin1979
    Thin1979 Posts: 48
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    We love you too. I really understand. I used to weigh 300 pounds and am now down to170 but I still have a lot of image issues. I think we are mentally Scarred because society tells us what we are supposed to be. Get a journal and right free style in it every day. Every thought and emotion, don't read it over or judge it. I find putting my emotions on paper really helps, close the chapter and move on. Everyday is a healthier one for you. Hugs!
  • shonovo
    shonovo Posts: 104
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    thank you so much everyone for making for feel like i am not alone and that i can come out of this. it sucks because i find that no guys want to date me either and in the society i am in there is a lot of pressure to get married at this time and all my friends are... but no one looks at me... i just feel disgusted and depressed today... hopefully tomorrow will be a better day..
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
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    thank you so much everyone for making for feel like i am not alone and that i can come out of this. it sucks because i find that no guys want to date me either and in the society i am in there is a lot of pressure to get married at this time and all my friends are... but no one looks at me... i just feel disgusted and depressed today... hopefully tomorrow will be a better day..


    don't worry about society :)

    tomorrow will be a better day :)
  • MdmAcolyte
    MdmAcolyte Posts: 382 Member
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    We all have self-image issues babe. You are doing an amazing job with your weightloss, and its hard to accept that you are getting where you want to be. Take a good look in the mirror and find one thing to focus on that makes you feel beautiful about yourself ~ like how much thinner you are in your face, waist, whatever, and tell yourself OUT LOUD that you are happy you look great! We can hear people tell us things all day long and it doesn't get through our thick skulls until we recognize things on our own. I have to do this a lot. :) Hope that helps!
  • feefie04
    feefie04 Posts: 67 Member
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    Start a journal about what the perfect YOU is on the inside.

    When you are feeling especially depressed, like today, write in side how you are feeling and try to explain to yourself why you think you are feeling that way.

    Did you have a bad day? Get cut off in traffic, have a headache; lots of little things adding up to feeling bad, and then some low self esteem hijacking it for its own nefarious purposes (putting you down about your appearance)?

    Often when I write, I find out that I am just a little stressed about almost nothing (PMS, work, money, boys) and my low self esteem takes that opportunity to use those feelings to perpetuate upon my weight or my feeling of self-worth.

    Maybe putting everything in writing will help you to see that you might be feeling bad, but the fact that you are focusing on your flaws is a side effect of those feelings, and not actually worthy of self loathing!

    EVERYONE has something they want to improve, and the only way to actually improve something for the better is to do it in a positive way. Write down things you really DO want to fix, or really DO think need fixing, and realize that those things are real but nothing that isn't out of reach.

    When I write things it helps me to have it ot of my head so that when my brain blows something in a huge mega deal I can look abck and say "no no! See? We already talked about this and it's not that bad, and I'm going to fix it like THIS!"

    Hope that helps!
  • alexp74
    alexp74 Posts: 125
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    thank you so much everyone for making for feel like i am not alone and that i can come out of this. it sucks because i find that no guys want to date me either and in the society i am in there is a lot of pressure to get married at this time and all my friends are... but no one looks at me... i just feel disgusted and depressed today... hopefully tomorrow will be a better day..

    Speaking as a former 21 year old male, males at that time are really not ready to date or take anything seriously, the fact that you are asking for help shows a maturity they are lacking. Everyone else can save the hate mail, I get young people can have great relationships :)

    Seriously though, don't care what society thinks, that's not good for you!

    i was 25 before I had relationship that went more than a couple of weeks, I was facing some of these same issues, just be healthy and fight for yourself, keep at it and do it for you, don't worry what others think or do, control what you can do.

    You've lost 25 pounds, the progress is visible, keep at it, you can do it.

    Where were the women that looked like you when I was 21? :)

    I mean that in like a non-creepy old enough to by your father sort of way- downside of far too many women 'round here :)
  • raeleek
    raeleek Posts: 414 Member
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    Chin up coconut!

    I always have been heavier and I have always wanted to lose weight but for some reason at this point in my life it has clicked.

    As much as I've always wanted to be thinner I never realized not only the physical fight but the mental fight that comes with weight loss.

    Hitting goals and a great workout are such highs. The scale not moving and bad days can burn you out.

    I know this sounds crazy but one day I was working out and just started crying lol! I was tired and angry and frustrated! SO MANY EMOTIONS!

    You're changing your life! That doesn't come without ups and downs emotionally! As cliche as it is, enjoy the journey! It will make you wiser, more empathetic to those trying to change, and stronger! :flowerforyou:
  • Ekoria
    Ekoria Posts: 262 Member
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    I know what you mean, after I lost around 56lb I felt exactly the same. I still pick up size 16 (uk) clothes and think "that will fit" and it's only when I stop and think about it that I realise I am now a size 8-10 (uk)...I get some pretty weird looks when I am clothes shopping! I still get "fat days" where I wear my baggy tops and jeans because I feel like a heffer. On the up side I find that looking at pictures of myself really helps. Maybe see if you can take some comparison pictures (if you haven't already) I find candid shots tend to help the most. Hope you feel better soon x
  • lorelieschaefer
    lorelieschaefer Posts: 7 Member
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    20 lbs in a month.....you are doing awesome! Don't get down on yourself the best way to loose weight is slow you loose it too fast and you will gain it back again. It has taken me 3 years to loose 55 lbs so don't be hard on yourself it will come and all of a sudden your body image will change before your eyes. Don't look at the end results concentrate on small rewards they are easier to attain and won't get you down because you hit them faster than the end result. Don't give up rewards happen all the time enjoy them and keep your chin up and concentrate on the small things :flowerforyou:
  • NeedANewFocus
    NeedANewFocus Posts: 898 Member
    Options
    Start a journal about what the perfect YOU is on the inside.

    When you are feeling especially depressed, like today, write in side how you are feeling and try to explain to yourself why you think you are feeling that way.

    Did you have a bad day? Get cut off in traffic, have a headache; lots of little things adding up to feeling bad, and then some low self esteem hijacking it for its own nefarious purposes (putting you down about your appearance)?

    Often when I write, I find out that I am just a little stressed about almost nothing (PMS, work, money, boys) and my low self esteem takes that opportunity to use those feelings to perpetuate upon my weight or my feeling of self-worth.

    Maybe putting everything in writing will help you to see that you might be feeling bad, but the fact that you are focusing on your flaws is a side effect of those feelings, and not actually worthy of self loathing!

    EVERYONE has something they want to improve, and the only way to actually improve something for the better is to do it in a positive way. Write down things you really DO want to fix, or really DO think need fixing, and realize that those things are real but nothing that isn't out of reach.

    When I write things it helps me to have it ot of my head so that when my brain blows something in a huge mega deal I can look abck and say "no no! See? We already talked about this and it's not that bad, and I'm going to fix it like THIS!"

    Hope that helps!

    A journal is a fabulous idea. Supporting yourself and praising your accomplishments will take you far. Your mindset has been so destructive for so long its challenging to shift to a brighter outlook. As humans, we have this ideal of perfection and want so badly to achieve it that our actual successes are diminished. Bask in the glory of your MEDIUM shirt. I remember the first time I bought a large shirt versus an extra extra large shirt and was dissatisfied with the feel. I wasn't accustomed to wearing clothing that fit me. I was routinely "fashionable" in larger clothes that hid my "imperfections". My imperfections are what I'm celebrating now becuase its my imperfections that are perfect. :) Celebrate your weight loss. Celebrate the increased energy and healthy lifestyle you live today. Celebrate you! Continue to make daily goals and commit yourself to them. They are a lifetime achievement!
  • lisamarie2181
    lisamarie2181 Posts: 560 Member
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    thank you so much everyone for making for feel like i am not alone and that i can come out of this. it sucks because i find that no guys want to date me either and in the society i am in there is a lot of pressure to get married at this time and all my friends are... but no one looks at me... i just feel disgusted and depressed today... hopefully tomorrow will be a better day..

    Once you start to build your self confidence and start feeling better about yourself, guys will take notice. alot of times when we are depressed and self conscience, it shows to everyone else, even if you don't notice it. The more confidence you get and the more you love yourself, your personality will change a bit. I can see a big difference in how I feel and it radiates out to everyone else. Alot of people have told me I am just happier, more confident, like part of me has changed.

    Just give it time, it will come. I am only halfway done with my journey, but I have been doing this a long time and this time found something that I can live with and I am happy, so I may be farther along mentally then others starting, but I used to be in the same boat, and believe me it will get better. Learn to start loving yourself, be proud of the things you have accomplished so far, because the girl that started this journey probably couldn't.

    good luck! if you would like some extra support and a friend, friend request me :)

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