Does anyone else struggle THIS much? :-(

Debbiepearce20
Debbiepearce20 Posts: 25
in Motivation and Support
Don't even know where to begin - I was on the right path, I was eating well amd exercising crazily well. That was until about six weeks ago when two gorgeous but very neglected little boys came into my temporary, full-time care. Aged 3 years and 7 months they are a handful. The three year old doesn't talk and has health problems due to the level of neglect throughout his young life. Juggling them both, day care, full time work and hour's commute away plus all the medical appointments and my positive progress has vanished. I feel like I am drowning. I have emptied all of my accounts just to provide basic necessities (cribs, clothes, toys, food, nappies, day care full time for two children, medical costs...). I have had to cancel my trip home to NZ to see my family for Christmas whenit was going to be my first Christmas home in three years. My birthday is next week and I have had to cancel my plans for that too, because money is needed elsewhere and the boys' needs have to come first. Six weeks ago I was single and carefree... Fast forward and I am exhausted, sleep deprived and trying my hardest to be all that the boys need right now. And quite frankly, I feel like I am drowning. I am overhwlemed. And food has been the one thing that has provided comfot, as bad as that is!! I don't have time to exercise and when I do get an extra 30 minutes there is housework or washing to do or I am just too darn tired. I have gained 4 kg and am almost back to where I was to begin with. I am finding this frustrating and feel so isolated in this situation.

I didn't mean to provide a big long sob story but it has felt good to vent - does anyone else struggle with over eating or comfort eating or lack of motivation or energy/time?? And how do you combat it? This is just so hard :-(
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Replies

  • kcoftx
    kcoftx Posts: 765 Member
    First of all, you are being much too hard on yourself. Whereas most parents get 9 months to prep for parenthood, you were thrown into it suddenly and with a double. Instead of trying to do everything as well as you were doing before, focus on a small change and add from there. It's gonna take awhile to get on your feet. Focus on sleep and getting yourself organized. Sit and think through your plan for a week. But be flexible because the kids will throw monkey wrenches in there.

    For exercise, set aside a time every afternoon/evening to simply play with them. They need it and it will help you too. Weather permitting, take advantage of the outdoors. Part of the trick is learning to double up on duties and learning to manage time more efficiently. But again, there are tasks you are doing that most parents had more time to set up and get used to. Still yet, the plight of all new parents is exhaustion. It does get better.

    As for over eating, don't buy the junk for now and focus on portion control. One step at a time.
  • kgb6days
    kgb6days Posts: 880 Member
    Actually I think you are awesome. I cannot imagine coping with what you are doing. you say temporary care - do you know how long this temporary is? Do you have anyone to help you at all? financial assistance with their care? Don't be hard on yourself. Yes, I sometimes eat just for comfort when I'm upset. Yes, it's hard to plan healthy low calorie meals when I'm overwhelmed with life in general. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing an awesome thing. This too shall pass. Do the best you can and do not beat up on yourself. It's a huge responsibility taking on 2 healthy emotionally stable kids for several hours (my grandsons), I cannot imagine doing what you are doing. Take a deep breath (bit not too long - you're too busy) and ease up. Ask someone near you for a little help and realize when this is over you will be able to refocus on yourself. Hugs and prayers
  • Debbiepearce20
    Debbiepearce20 Posts: 25
    Thanks so much for your feedback. At the moment the "temporary" status is weighed on a weekly basis... So far six weeks have passed.

    I have taken three days off work this week to catch a breath and try to regain some composure. First day off today didn't turn out quite as planned haha. Has planned to go lie on the beach and just read... Ended up with the three year old having a dangerously high temperature all day that needed to be very closely monitored as well as ensuring he was comofrtable and hydrated... So here's hoping tomorrow is a little kinder to us both!!

    There isn't much support here, I have two friends who are being amazing with the boys but zilch help from the boys' family which can be frustrating. But God is good and we will all get through this. I just don't know how people can fit exercise in with all this happening or how they have the energy to think about healthy eating! My admiration for parents has shot through the roof :-)
  • kcoftx
    kcoftx Posts: 765 Member
    My sister has been through this. Temporary lasted two years. Another thing that is harder is all the extra paperwork, agencies, etc. involved that most of us don't have to deal with. Find a routine that works for you (not talking diet here) and just do the best you can.

    Diet wise, I suggest making a weekly menu. It'll help you stay on track better and take off some of the pressure each day of deciding what to thaw out, make, etc.

    Exercise wise, I suggest playing with the kids and when you can and taking a walk with a friend (with the kids in tow).

    Rest is crucial.

    You did exactly the right thing recognizing that you need a little time off for yourself. Sorry it didn't work out today. I'm hoping tomorrow is a bit kinder to you as well.
  • Lindacharp
    Lindacharp Posts: 36
    Sounds like your a foster Mom and showing these little boys much needed love.

    We need more people like you in the world.

    But don't forget to take care of you.
  • blushingmama
    blushingmama Posts: 111 Member
    You are truly an impressive, selfless woman! I don't know the circumstances that caused you to be involved with these two young boys but thank you for giving them all you can. It sounds like no one has ever done anything remotely close to that before.

    Most of us parents have time to grow into the stages. You've been thrusted into cleaning up the messes of adults and trying to help children recover. Are there any government agencies helping you? Or charities? I'd imagine even some emotional support would be awesome!
  • Amberonamission
    Amberonamission Posts: 836 Member
    How amazing you are.. I am in complete awe of those who give so selflessly. You are through the adjustment period. If there is no time to workout (like most working Moms) you can prepare healthy meals and watch your Kcal. This is doable all of it. You are a hero.
  • carriempls
    carriempls Posts: 326 Member
    I struggle with comfort & emotional eating all the time. It's a lifelong struggle for me. Even when I go years without it can come creeping back.

    Hang in there and stop beating yourself up, as others have said.

    As for getting back in the swing of things, try to think about it like the airplane oxygen masks - you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others. The healthier YOU are, the better prepared you are to take on the other tasks. You'll have more energy if your'e eating better, sleeping well and generally taking care of yourself. It's a balance, for sure, and it may take some time to get into better habits but start small. Start with 1 small thing you can change - like eating a healthy breakfast (or whatever). Once you've got one down, try adding another and so on.
  • Debbiepearce20
    Debbiepearce20 Posts: 25
    With trying to find a positive in today, I think bubby is very near crawling so that is exciting! It is so sad how much the parents are losing out on and how littlemthey seem to care. I took the older boy whale watching on Saturday... I make the effort to have an adventure just us two every weekend (have been having him every scond weekend for a year so we have a strong bond) and half an hour every night to read just the two of us - it's so hard to give him undivided attention with bubba around because he takes so much energy and attention on his own (bubby). We had a great time over the weekend and I have enrolled him in a junior soccer class starting on Saturday so I am hoping that that will be a good thing for him to learn some social, teamwork, sharing, listening and motor skills!

    I love taking them for walks but is harder with the two of them and no double stroller. I usually put bubby in stroller and toddler to ride his tricycle but it doesn't allow me to really walk very fast :-) I make sure to join in with his play though, even climbing up into playgrounds with him - he loves it and it's adds to the day's activity for me.

    Thanks everyone for your encouragement, it has been great hearing some advice and having people understand!
  • carriempls
    carriempls Posts: 326 Member
    PS - I wouldn't worry about structured exercise right now as you're likely incredibly active taking care of the boys. It's simply not necessary. Focus on eating better. Not perfectly, just better.
  • Debbiepearce20
    Debbiepearce20 Posts: 25
    I definitely like the idea of including the boys in activity and combining that activity.... Could be done with swimming... Walking... Going to the park... Even those giant indoor playgrounds where mums and dads can get in there and play with their little ones! Thanks everyone, am feeling so much more inspired and encouraged!
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
    First of all, I think you are plain awesome. I wouldn't even worry about the exercise right now; there will be time for that later on. I'd just focus on good, clean eating. Good on ya!
  • kcoftx
    kcoftx Posts: 765 Member
    Definitely! Exercise does not have to be isolated to a gym!
  • MaryRegs
    MaryRegs Posts: 272 Member
    You are AWESOME. Please make sure to take care of yourself. Those boys are very lucky to have you....am sending mother love your way-I have three boys, so I know how chaotic life can get. Blessings....
  • cntrygirlchange
    cntrygirlchange Posts: 3
    Wow! Lots of stress for you. This is an awesome time of year to make use of the outside. Take the kids and walk and walk and walk and talk (no that isn't a typo). The exercise is good for everyone and this is a super great time for bonding with these youngun's.
    1) Routines need to be established - give it time.
    2) Choices also come into play. Not to add to the stress but you are setting an example for the kids. Instead of a quart and a half of ice cream how about 1 scoop try eating with a tiny spoon and SAVOR. It is luscious, delicious - treat it that way - make it go a long way. Have the kids help you make "Ants on logs" (peanut butter filled celery sticks with raisins on top) for a snack.
    3) ASK FOR HELP! What you are doing is HUGE! Friends, family, community can all help. Don't let pride stop you from asking.
    4) Most importantly, a sense of humor will take you far in this world. There are challenging moments to be overcome. A deep breath - in and out - "I can do this" even if I really want to run away and hide "I can do this - because I am all these little people have. They didn't ask to be brought into this world and someone needs to care. I care."
  • Debbiepearce20
    Debbiepearce20 Posts: 25
    Wow, thank you so much .
  • kcoftx
    kcoftx Posts: 765 Member
    How did your day off go?
  • nursevee
    nursevee Posts: 344 Member
    You deserve a really big pat on the back. There is a lack of selflessness is society these days and I don't think anyone would blame you for needing a rant. I have struggled with emotional/comfort eating since I had my own two kids. I understand being a single parent completely (however mine weren't high need, neglected children so that element alone would trip me out). I think what you need to do is sit down and make a plan for you. Yes, these kids come first and you're exhausted by your routine but you've clearly identified that things are a bit out of control and you need to slow down the chaos. My recommendation is to sit down and start planning things out. I find that writing out a plan always helps to calm the white noise in my head. This life that has come upon you will inevitably get harder before it gets easier (this is a common theme with hurdles) and I hope you can dig deep and turn this into the magical life that it should be, both for the boys and for you.
  • TXStephSki
    TXStephSki Posts: 26 Member
    Ok, first of all, you are awesome!

    The 3 year old would probably love to start helping you in the kitchen. Some boys get really interested in cooking at that age- my nephew says it's like building, but you get to eat what you build! Find some easy and kid-friendly recipes on-line, that might be a good place to start with meal planning.

    You are doing something amazing. I promise you, it makes a huge difference. I can only imagine how much chaos has been thrown into your life, but you are making something beautiful out of that chaos. Be proud of yourself!
  • Debbiepearce20
    Debbiepearce20 Posts: 25
    How did your day off go?

    Haha my day off was a bit of a disaster but we got through it! Older boy was violently ill for two days so itmwas a lot of clean up jobs plus monitoring a high fever :-( He is ok now and I am looking forward to taking him out for and adventuremtomorrow just the two of us :-)

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