Over Eating vs. Family

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sallywilson06
sallywilson06 Posts: 269 Member
in Motivation and Support
Okay, I am not complaining but I am just curious. Here's the situation.. My family is filled with overweight people. My father (severally), mother (slightly) and sister. When we are together having a family meal it seems that I always eat more than what I would if I would be eating on my own. It's like its a competition to see who can get to the food fastest in our house before my dad gets it and there's nothing left.

I know that this sounds terrible, but do others out there think that eating around their family encourages them to overeat as well? Kind of like the old saying if ya can't beat em join em? I realized it when my parents left town for the weekend and I had nobody to cook for but me. I just made a little bit of food and actually had left overs. It was nice, but does this mean that I need to start making a separate meal for myself every night?

I have attempted having my family join me in trying to battle the bulge and that just isn't going to fly with them. They eat what they want when they want and I can occasionally get my mom to go for a night walk with me.

NOTE*And btw, before people start commenting on my age and me living at home with my parents know that this is only until I get a better paying job so I can afford to move out on my own. Currently paying for orthodontics out of my own pocket and all of my other bills as well.

Does anyone have the same issue?
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Replies

  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
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    You are fully capable of eating in portion control if you set your mind to it no need to make a separate meal - just measure your food...
  • jordanreddick
    jordanreddick Posts: 197 Member
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    Losing weight begins in the brain, you have to tell yourself that the "monkey see, monkey do" thoughts in your head are not ok to go with the flow. When we as humans see a group of people especially mentors or peers doing something we migrate towards it and accept it as normal. You are no longer part of that group and have to do whatever it is you need to do to not force feed yourself just because that was the typical meal in the past. Set yourself apart, have your own meal. Don't eat with them, eat before and just sit at the table and engage in conversation. Figure out what it is you need to do not to fall into the overeating just because your family does. They will make their decisions, you have already beaten them to this step.
  • rugbyphreak
    rugbyphreak Posts: 509 Member
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    i have this same problem. i even used to hoard food in my room so i would get equal portions to everyone else. if my brother got a bag of chips, i'd get my own bag and keep them in my room. of course, i didn't even want the chips. i just wanted an equal share of what everyone else was getting. it's a mental battle every day to eat just until i'm full and not save extra stuff that i don't even like just because it's "my right" as part of the family.
  • musenchild
    musenchild Posts: 182 Member
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    When I go home to my parent's house, I find myself eating more at meals, snacking at grazing more. For me I think it has more to do with my surroundings triggering lifelong habits. It's much easier to change habits in new surroundings, but it's not impossible to do it in your parent's house, you will just have to make a greater effort.

    The suggestion I would have for meals is to make a really conscious effort to eat more slowly. Chew a certain number of times, drink water between every bite, set your fork down and converse, etc. That way you will be eating for the same amount of time as everyone else but you will eat far less. That is how I survive restaurant meals with my family, without eating the whole gigantic restaurant portion (usually). Good luck!
  • WarriorReady
    WarriorReady Posts: 571 Member
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    I get that way around my family, too. But with knowledge is power so I have started dishing out smaller portions and adding veggies to my plate instead. Helps a lot. Of course I only eat with my family (Dad, siblings and nieces) once a week. The rest of the time my kids and I eat together and we eat a pretty healthy fair! :smile:

    Good luck!
  • RealWomenLovePitbulls
    RealWomenLovePitbulls Posts: 729 Member
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    just control your portions and use them as motivation not to be like them
  • ipock
    ipock Posts: 33 Member
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    Growing up in the south, my family was largely undereducated about nutrition, and their overall health/fitness suffered accordingly. I always struggled with being slightly overweight because I ate whatever they did (stuff they told me was "healthy" actually wasn't), and thought there wasn't anything I could do about it. It took being on my own for a long time, lots of research and re-education, changing bad habits, etc., before I was able to really make a noticeable lasting change. Nowadays, I try to lead by example. When asked what "my secret" is, I just simply tell them that I don't eat the way I used to (but still am able to eat delicious, enjoyable meals), and find time to exercise regularly. Most of them have followed suit somewhat, just because they've noticed my success.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
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    So go get one reasonable plate, eat it slowly and enjoy it, and let Dad win. You're not going to change his habits, so the only thing you can do is use them to your advantage.
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
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    I wouldn't say I've been in the exact same situation, but my mother is ~50lbs overweight and my sister is ~15 or less overweight.

    I tried to brute force them into exercising and eating better with me, which of course didn't work, so I lost the ~45lbs I wanted to lose on my own.

    Then, at the end of my journey, it's like they were pushed into hyperspeed seeing how "hot" I've become, and how good I look in dresses and in photos.

    Soooo if you want to help them out, through my experience, they'll see what you're doing, how good you feel, how good you LOOK, and you may be surprised how willing they will become to listen to your tips and help them.

    Also, it's a proven phenomenon, who you hang out with shapes what you eat, and what you're doing. I think a study said something like people eat 20% more when with obese/overweight friends than they would with average or athletic friends. If I see my best bud picking up a salad and a water and I wanted a cheeseburger, her healthy habits rub off on me and I usually make my food more healthy as a sort of guilt mechanism :P I'm glad my best friend is super fit! It really is an inspiration to me.
  • hawaii86442
    hawaii86442 Posts: 167
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    I have solved some of that over eating by eating on a smalller plate.It seems if the plate is full that no one notices. When I use a large plate and eat smaller portions everyone seems to say"Is that enough??"
    :wink:
  • aimeelynnn
    aimeelynnn Posts: 67 Member
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    I am surrounded by a lot of emotional, crazy family stuff right now, and it just dawned on me that my fitnesspal and my commitment is keeping some what same right now. Thank God.
    Amy Lynn
  • sarahann824
    sarahann824 Posts: 5
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    My family is similar, ESPECIALLY on holidays. Then it's like a graze fest. This year when I visit my family for Thanksgiving, my plan will be to silently be the example. I'll control my portions and know I'm doing what's best for me and in the long term, for my family. I have young kids and I want to the be a GREAT example for them, and who knows, maybe I'll inspire others around me!

    Best wishes!!
  • desiv2
    desiv2 Posts: 651 Member
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    I went through the EXACT same thing, everyone in my family was overweight and ate too much. I actually bought my own refrigerator, because my 'diet' food was always gone within a couple days and it cost me too much. That worked out well for me, I cooked on my own and ate my own food, and if my parents or someone cooked, I would decide if it fit into my calorie budget.

    Then I think after awhile, seeing me all gung-ho about weight loss peaked their interest. My brother was the first to get on the bandwagon, we bought a treadmill together. Then my dad ended up in the hospital, he had a heart condition, among other things.. all of which can be cured or significantly improved with weight loss! Then the dietitian there tore him a new one. My mom came home and spent nearly 300 dollars completely replacing our pantry and they both signed up for MFP, everyone is eating healthy now and it is a lot easier.

    All I can tell you, is to focus on you for now. Get your own place to put your food, and make meals separately. Eventually they will be inspired by you, or they will find their own reasons to eat healthy. I just hope it isn't a hospital visit like mine.
  • terrie_k
    terrie_k Posts: 406 Member
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    I love going to mom's because I constantly snack on chips and dip with pop.
  • Ruthe8
    Ruthe8 Posts: 423 Member
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    If you're aware of what you're doing, can't you just take a smaller portion? Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. That's not your concern.
  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
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    You are fully capable of eating in portion control if you set your mind to it no need to make a separate meal - just measure your food...

    my thoughts exactly. Portion out the appropriate amount for you to eat that fits within your daily allowance and let everyone else finish the rest off.
  • deadmittens
    deadmittens Posts: 536 Member
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    I ALWAYS over eat when I visit my mom. The worst part is she's thin!! She can eat and eat and eat and she's still 5'11 and like.. 155 lbs. It's frustrating, but once she knew I was more serious about eating healthy she started eating healthier when I was around too.
  • josyjozy
    josyjozy Posts: 117 Member
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    It's interesting you made the comment that everyone tries to get some food before your dad goes and it's all gone. I know one person in particular, that had a very abusive and neglected childhood. They would not feed him for weeks, leaving him to forage the streets, steal from stores or beg from friends. From about age 7 to 13 this was his life. Guess what happens when you get out on your own and your own money? You eat everything all the time. This was how his was trained, eat when you can because you don't know where your next meal may come from. To a smaller extent, have you been trained to hurry up and get your food otherwise you wouldn't get much or any?
  • cmcorn26
    cmcorn26 Posts: 253 Member
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    Totally understand where you are coming from. My moms side of the family...isn't a normal sized person amongst them. And there are a lot of members. And psych and emotional issues because they are always bickering so they get together and eat. It is the one thing they have in common. My mom stresses me out so I start grabbing food. I am retraining my brain to do other things and limit my time with her. My dad is totally supportive and will eat healthy and exercise when I visit him.
    I believe it is a process to change generations of overeating but I think it can be done. Mind over matter. I'm learning.
    You can do it, stay strong and focused on your goals.
  • sallywilson06
    sallywilson06 Posts: 269 Member
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    It's interesting you made the comment that everyone tries to get some food before your dad goes and it's all gone. I know one person in particular, that had a very abusive and neglected childhood. They would not feed him for weeks, leaving him to forage the streets, steal from stores or beg from friends. From about age 7 to 13 this was his life. Guess what happens when you get out on your own and your own money? You eat everything all the time. This was how his was trained, eat when you can because you don't know where your next meal may come from. To a smaller extent, have you been trained to hurry up and get your food otherwise you wouldn't get much or any?

    Pretty much, you eat when it's there because if you don't you don't get anything.

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