my husband

hdc1437 · February 2010

My husband and I are both on a healthy eating plan. 1200 calories/day for me 2100 calories/day for him. We are staying within our calorie range and just plain eating healthy. Exercise too, of course!! It has worked for both of us, more him so because he has more weight to lose than I. Here is my dilemma, I have become comfortable with this new lifestyle of ours and have adapted well. Whereas at the beginning I very conscious and worried about that last bite being the one that put me over my calorie range. My husband has not seemed to get out of that slump. He does not eat enough during his meals so by the end of the day he "snacks" or binge eats still thinking this is healthy because he is within his calorie range. Alcohol is sometimes included during this time. Is any able to suggest to me how to approach the subject on this without him getting on the defense? Thank you all very much! Good luck and best wishes to all of you!

SHBoss1673 · February 2010

tough one, I guess a lot of it depends on your relationship with him. Possibly you could hire a registered dietitian for a session or two with both of you and quietly explain to him/her the situation before hand so that they could talk about it without you having to specifically bring it up, although I'm sure a good dietitian would spot any trouble anyway. It's a good deflection technique.

Or if you feel comfortable enough in your situation with him, just sit down with him and start a conversation about it, use open ended, non-accusitory terms and make sure you are sympathetic. Things like:

"How do you feel about your progress so far?"

"is there any part of your plan that is more difficult than other parts?"

"Do you feel like this plan is something that will work for you in the long term?"

then use those answers to very gently move into your observations, making sure you allow him to comment on his observations for you as well. Heck you may even learn something about your own program that you were unaware.

The important thing when doing this is to look and listen, be attentive, look for visual cue's that he is agitated and head them off before they turn into anger, look for spoken cues that are derogatory, accusatory, or defensive, and immediately address them with empathy, and agreement.

Also, if you do decide to handle this yourself, make sure he is in the right frame of mind. He should be in a good mood before you begin, relaxed, not focusing on something else, and alert and awake. I.E. don't do this while in bed about to go to sleep, or after a long day at work, or when he is watching a game...etc.

this is a nice little web page for conflict resolution, much of it would apply in your situation.

http://abundance-blog.marelisa-online.com/2009/07/20/the-art-of-conflict-resolution/

gturfrey · February 2010

I drink alcohol in the evening, only a few shots of brandy i also induldge in a mars bar as long as its under my calorie range its fine.

I lost 3ib this week and had a crap weekend.

mmtiernan · February 2010

There's a good book out by one of the male editors of Men's Health magazine called "The Abs Diet". The book doesn't really advocate dieting as much as turning to 'clean eating' and eating scheduled meals, several times per day. It's a pretty good read and maybe your guy would take the 'advice' better coming from another guy?

hdc1437 · February 2010

Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it. I am comfortable talking to my husband but when he knows he is doing something "wrong" he tends to get defensive because he does not like facing the facts at hand. Thanks again and blessings to all!

dothompson · February 2010

Changing eating habits is a very hard thing to do. It actually sounds like he's doing a lot of things right. Staying within his calories for example. Plus you say he is having better results than you. As long as it's working, you should praise him for what he's doing right and turn a blind eye to his apparently small transgressions. If he stops having good results he'll say something like, "gosh I didn't lose anything this week". That is the time for a suggestion such as maybe he should not eat after 8, or cut out the alcohol. Good luck.

PanicAtTheBuffet · February 2010

There's a good book out by one of the male editors of Men's Health magazine called "The Abs Diet". The book doesn't really advocate dieting as much as turning to 'clean eating' and eating scheduled meals, several times per day. It's a pretty good read and maybe your guy would take the 'advice' better coming from another guy?

mmtiernan has a really good idea. You can even gift-wrap it before you give it to him. (Valentine's Day

hint, hint)

hdc1437 · February 2010

He is having better results because he has much more weight to lose than me not because his "diet" is good. We are trying to be heart healthy too and consuming alcohol & snacks instead of healthy food is missing the point.

dothompson · February 2010

He has much more weight to lose because he's been further off the mark than you for a while and therefore has more drastic changes to make. I saw your calorie goals and know he is a very big guy & accustomed to eating alot. I don't disagree that ultimately he will need to make additional changes, but I think you'll get better results by praising his current success. The praise will get him motivated to make further changes in the future and he will be receptive to having you help him then.

Encouraging him to eat more healthy food earlier should also help. He should be using up his calories. I don't really understand what's going on that he has 'room' in his daily calories for alcohol and late night snacking. If he undereats during the day, then it's logical that he'll lose control at night and go back to former habits.

my husband

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