My journey of a thousand steps.

AmethystEFC
AmethystEFC Posts: 140 Member
in Introduce Yourself
I have to admit to being pretty scared about writing this so keep that in mind if I start waffling and digressing aimlessly.

I am a 33 year old woman who is extremely heavy. I'm trying to prevent myself from 'fluffing' any further so will now admit my weight. Now for someone who spent the last 17 years deliberately not weighing herself, this is actually a bit painful. My weight, as of yesterday, is 437 pounds.

I have taken the first steps of my journey and managed to lose 6 pounds in the last week. I can't believe I am actually crying as I type this. I HAVE to do this. I know that if I don't I won't be around to see my children grow up and it isn't fair to them, my other half or me. I must do this but breaking the habits, mental processes and damages of a lifetime is going to be an emotional, difficult struggle and I need help.

Stupidly, I know what to do. In my youth I trained 19 hours a week and competed at a pretty high level in swimming, I know what I should be eating and doing but I'm also aware that my overwhelming desire to hide is behind most of my subconscious decision making processes. Perversely, in trying to hide I have now made myself more conspicuous than ever.

I have a dietician to help me, I will be joining a gym this weekend, I will be walking the dog, continuing light weights at home and pushing myself really hard.

So... this is me. Warts and all. Bloody heavy warts at that. Thank you for reading my waffle and plea for support.

Replies

  • marinebiologist_girl
    marinebiologist_girl Posts: 300
    Feel free to add me for support and good luck - you're very brave for taking the first steps!
  • mfrankie
    mfrankie Posts: 7
    Thanks for being so brave. Because what you are is brave.
  • JLgettinghealthy
    JLgettinghealthy Posts: 39 Member
    you are brave for taking the first steps! feel free to add me -- i would love to be one of your cheerleaders!
  • Bull2707
    Bull2707 Posts: 106
    Everyone has to start somewhere! Stay focused and take one step at a time! Wish you the best of luck!!
  • sam308lbs
    sam308lbs Posts: 1,936 Member
    You are a very brave person and you have already taken the first step which is the hardest.Now keep moving forward,don't be too hard on yourself,stay positive and take it one day at a time.All the best :)
  • thescottishone
    thescottishone Posts: 39 Member
    Good on you for making the first brave steps of your journey. I really think you have come to the right place as there is so much support, motivation and success on this site. feel free to add me as a friend. It's great that you used to swim as i do think it will help you with getting back into exercise, one step at a time. You can do this!
  • KatrinaG2012
    KatrinaG2012 Posts: 354 Member
    You have taken the most important step, the FIRST step. It is brave and you can lean on that bravery when you need it.
  • Onaughmae
    Onaughmae Posts: 873 Member
    Good for you! Way to take control back over your life, because that is *exactly* what you are doing. At my heaviest I was 335 (that I know of). When I started this I was 300. Today I am 215. Still have a long way to go, but I am getting there...and you WILL get there too! Bravo for you! Sending you a friend request now :flowerforyou:
  • AmethystEFC
    AmethystEFC Posts: 140 Member
    Thank you to everyone who replied. You all wrote such lovely supportive things! I hope you all feel the same sense of support and help that I do right now and that it helps to motivate you in your journeys.

    I even went and ordered a set of scales! Sounds like a small thing but it was a pretty big step that I didn't really enjoy. Now considering how much I normally enjoy shopping that was most definitely a first!

    Thanks again. Your wishes mean more than you know.
  • blackcoffeeandcherrypie
    blackcoffeeandcherrypie Posts: 486 Member
    Wow well done for that honest post and for facing up to the challenge that lies ahead of you. I'm not much of a cheerleader, but feel free to add me if you ever want someone to talk to.
  • quillsHP
    quillsHP Posts: 91 Member
    Did you notice how many people mentioned the word brave? Because that is what you are! :)
    It's a journey worthy of making...here's to your first steps!

    You can add me and I will be a supportive cheerleader...promise :)
  • masirahmo
    masirahmo Posts: 30 Member
    Count me in. Please feel free to add me, and a huge well done for making the decision to get healthy.

    You go girl!!
  • AnneC77
    AnneC77 Posts: 284
    For me the hardest part of this was to look at myself, I mean really look at myself and admit I needed to do this and NOW! Even now I know people who are in denial about what they eat and it hurts to see, but to look at yourself and admit you need help is really hard so major Kudos to you for taking this first step and six pounds is amazing. The majority of us here will know how you feel, I was there myself a couple of months ago. We are all here to support and help you on your new healthy journey. Thank you so much for sharing your hardest moment with us. Soon those tears will be happy ones, I promise x
  • bonnieluann
    bonnieluann Posts: 53
    Way to go ...Bravo u are a brave woman that wants to change with that mind set u can do it and when u feel like giving up look at those beautiful children and say that's why im doing this for them and most of all FOR YOUR SELF .....Cheering u on all the way you can and will succeed....Sending friend request
  • dsjohndrow
    dsjohndrow Posts: 1,820 Member
    You sound motivated, that will get you a lot farther than anything else.

    Make sure you read the success stories. Take photos now, take measurements now, and for God's sake, log your food every day! Food is probably 90% of the battle. Exercise will help, but most importantly it will make you feel better.

    I have seen people lose 50-100 pounds in a year - some even more. Many of them are my friends. You can do this!
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
    Wishing you all the best on this journey. Congratulations on being so self aware, admitting your true weight and putting your whole self out here for all of is to see! This is hard, you may fall, but we're all with you and you WILL do this!
  • GymAnJuice
    GymAnJuice Posts: 512 Member
    congratulations on what sounds like a very painful first step, very very soon you will start to feel amazing as the weight comes off, best of luck :flowerforyou:
  • chooriyah
    chooriyah Posts: 469 Member
    Thanks for sharing your story, and well done! Admitting there is a problem, facing up to it and deciding to do something about it is a major achievement in itself. Good luck on your journey. You are going to have a kick-*kitten* success story in a year's time, I'm sure of it. You'll be one of those people posting photos of themselves showing the foot-wide gap in their old jeans where their tummy used to be. Slow and steady, don't try to change everything at once - it's about changing habits one at a time and making new, better ones. I'm new to MFP as well - please feel free to add if you're in need of additions to your fan club!
  • melindadunston
    melindadunston Posts: 157
    Congrats! Keep it up and feel free to add me. I have seen many many people on here lose 200lbs+. You will do awesome! Keep your head up and keep at it. Great job on the first 6lbs!
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
    You are not alone. Many of us have the very same feelings. You can do this, and you are showing a lot of courage in taking the first steps toward getting where you want to be.
    Yesterday was the first time that I have actually looked at myself in a full length mirror in years and years. Stepping on a scale back in March was another first for me.
    Know that there are people here that can relate to everything you are feeling. Take the support and use it to move forward. You will succeed!
  • Rachlmale
    Rachlmale Posts: 640 Member
    A massive warm welcome to you and congratulations to you for making those very important steps to admitting you need to do something, and doing it. You are an inspiration to me and no doubt many others.

    Good luck to you and I hope you achieve everything you wish and more.

    Weight loss takes time, effort, tantrums but the rewards feel so much better.
  • AmberJo1984
    AmberJo1984 Posts: 1,067 Member
    You are very brave for starting this journey. It is hard to change. But, it is worth it... and it can be done. With just what little you have said, I believe you can do this. I know you can do this. Feel free to add me. I'll be happy to help motivate you in this journey.
  • fat2fitdancody
    fat2fitdancody Posts: 259 Member
    I like the title - a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

    Deciding to change your life after so many years is hard but rewarding, I did the same at the start of the year.
  • AmethystEFC
    AmethystEFC Posts: 140 Member
    I am quite overwhelmed. Thank you all so very much, I really do wish that I could express my appreciation but at the moment that is likely to resemble a slightly tear stained rambling woman... so just thank you from the bottom of my over-emotional heart.

    I take another bold step today; Gym membership - scary times indeed! I think I will be torn between gazing at my shoes as I lumber about the place and looking hopefully in the general direction of those who don't have disgust written across their faces.

    Between this today, and the ordering of the scales, it all feels a little surreal. Could this really be me? Could I really be on the first steps to being healthy, fit and not quite so unhappy with myself?

    Your response has given me enough faith to move forward. There are people out there who won't judge me, who won't belittle this huge struggle I must face, who will support my efforts and gee me up on my bad days.

    Thank you. In ways that can't be explained, thank you.

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