exercising w/ spouse? How to handle this-?
3foldchord
Posts: 2,918 Member
My husband says he will start working out with me when we move into our new house.
He has finally decided/noticed his pants are gettiing tighter and he's getting a belly. He is on the thinner side, just NOT in shape. When we got married he weighed 118# (at almost 5'10") he now weighs about 143# (21 years later)- he still has bony legs, arms, upper torso . He thinks skinny=healthy. But that is a different issue.
My issue is his poor form. t dives me crazy. ( **THE REAL QUESTION HERE**)
like he thinks the best way to do sit ups is very very old school style (like real sit ups, not crunches or whatever), very FAST (relying on momentum), AND while laying in bed--- he says it's better for protecting his back. (other exercises are like that, tooo- just poor form)
A_ how bad is it to exercise like that? am I just being too picky in what I think is the right way?
B- I guess I should just be thankful he is trying.... but it drives me bonkers and I always have to say something. How would you handle it? How would you hold your tongue??
Now bike riding and things with 'equiptment' like that are OK. it's the calisthenics, I guess. (that word is hard for me to spell)
He has finally decided/noticed his pants are gettiing tighter and he's getting a belly. He is on the thinner side, just NOT in shape. When we got married he weighed 118# (at almost 5'10") he now weighs about 143# (21 years later)- he still has bony legs, arms, upper torso . He thinks skinny=healthy. But that is a different issue.
My issue is his poor form. t dives me crazy. ( **THE REAL QUESTION HERE**)
like he thinks the best way to do sit ups is very very old school style (like real sit ups, not crunches or whatever), very FAST (relying on momentum), AND while laying in bed--- he says it's better for protecting his back. (other exercises are like that, tooo- just poor form)
A_ how bad is it to exercise like that? am I just being too picky in what I think is the right way?
B- I guess I should just be thankful he is trying.... but it drives me bonkers and I always have to say something. How would you handle it? How would you hold your tongue??
Now bike riding and things with 'equiptment' like that are OK. it's the calisthenics, I guess. (that word is hard for me to spell)
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Sit ups in bed = no bueno. There are this sit up pads you can buy that help support the lower back. HERE:A_ how bad is it to exercise like that? am I just being too picky in what I think is the right way?
http://www.amazon.com/Abmat-Abdominal-Trainer-Crossfit-Exerciser/dp/B005DROBK0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347648222&sr=8-1&keywords=sit+up+pad
I say things like "if you aren't doing it right it doesn't count" or "form is key in not hurting ourselves". Be honest and say "Your bad form drives me bonkers lets fix it before I cut my eyes out"B- I guess I should just be thankful he is trying.... but it drives me bonkers and I always have to say something. How would you handle it? How would you hold your tongue??
Start weight lifting together so you both can learn the proper form of squats, deadlifts, bench, pull ups, cleans, dips etc.Now bike riding and things with 'equiptment' like that are OK. it's the calisthenics, I guess. (that word is hard for me to spell)0 -
Poor form in general will make him more prone to injury and by lying in bed, your back will take a larger hit. Also, tell him don't even bother with sit ups as it's not what gives you a six pack. If you just do overall weight training, it will be more effective.0
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ugh. Men are a little different, huh. The old situp styles were bad on the neck. As far as a skinny spouse I dont have a clue. Mine likes to sabatoge my plans. I'm sorry I couldn't have been more help.
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The "old" situps are actually a good exercise and I'll throw them in with my regular crunches every now and then. They're pretty darn hard to be honest.
As for his form and all that just say something to him about it. The last thing you want is for him to get hurt.0 -
My issue is his poor form. t dives me crazy. ( **THE REAL QUESTION HERE**)
like he thinks the best way to do sit ups is very very old school style (like real sit ups, not crunches or whatever), very FAST (relying on momentum), AND while laying in bed--- he says it's better for protecting his back. (other exercises are like that, tooo- just poor form)
Laying in bed doing situps with momentum helping is just a worthless exercise.. you should tell him he isn't gaining any benefit with poor form.. poor form situps probably won't hurt you in the long run, but once you guys start working out more if his poor form goes into bench press, curls, back workouts he may start hurting himself.. I laugh when I see guys on the bench press that bounce the bar off their chest cause they can't stop the bar and push up at the sametime.. Think bouncing a bar with 200+ lbs on it off your chest repeatedly is a smart idea... Nope..0 -
Poor form in general will make him more prone to injury and by lying in bed, your back will take a larger hit. Also, tell him don't even bother with sit ups as it's not what gives you a six pack. If you just do overall weight training, it will be more effective.
I have told him, trying to sounds as "factual yet wanting him to not ger hurt" voice i could=
he never believes me. Or he does believe me and just does what he wants. Maybe this time it will be different. MAYBE We can afford 1-2 sessions with a one on one trainer or something. We will live cclose enough to AF Base to use their gym, I wnder if they have trainers who do one on one for beginners on base??0 -
The "old" situps are actually a good exercise and I'll throw them in with my regular crunches every now and then. They're pretty darn hard to be honest.
As for his form and all that just say something to him about it. The last thing you want is for him to get hurt.
I'll agree with this. Between old-style situps and crunches, situps have a much great benefit to your abs.
Crunches were invented by steroid-taking body builders so they didn't over develop their abs. If you're not taking steroids, crunches don't bring you great results.
To the OP:
Just buy him a book, or two, or find tonnes of information on how to workout and exercise properly. If he's going to argue against mounds of backed up information, he's never going to agree with you. He's clearly too ignorant, and I'm not sure if you will ever get him to do it right.
I guess you could also try joining a gym and getting a professional trainer, but they too can be sketchy on their "rights" and "wrongs."
Oh, and make sure the information you find has long explanations as to WHY they are telling you to do it a certain way.0 -
PLATES559
THANKS! I will order this for 'us' (beacuse if I say it is for HIM, he will feel outed and resent it, LOL)
Sit ups in bed = no bueno. There are this sit up pads you can buy that help support the lower back. HERE:
http://www.amazon.com/Abmat-Abdominal-Trainer-Crossfit-Exerciser/dp/B005DROBK0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347648222&sr=8-1&keywords=sit+up+pad
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I'm not a fitness expert so I can't say anything for certain about proper form when exercising but I will say this; I have an Ab Lounger that I bought a few years ago and LOVE it. At 30 years old I have arthritis in my neck and back so I always had trouble doing situps/crunches without putting too much stress on my back until I got that Ab Lounger and it honestly makes working your midsection a breeze and you can really feel your ab muscles working if you do it religiously and keep upping the count. If your hubby is fine with using equipment but just has poor form when he works out on his own then spend the $100-$200 on an Ab Lounger and see if that helps. Like I said, I LOVE mine and it's really helped me to start flattening out my stomach as I've lost weight. (My apologies if I sound like an infomercial on this... just sharing an option for derailing your hubby's poor form with equipment.)0
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When doing situps or any other type of body weight exercise you must make slow, smooth moments maximizing your effort. Using your momentum is a waste of your time and your effort, will get you hurt and you will not get true gains from it.
As far as working out with your spouse, kinda falls under loaning family money or getting a friend a job.0 -
As far as working out with your spouse, kinda falls under loaning family money or getting a friend a job.
Yes! This!!
You can't count on a spouse for support when exercising, it's too big of an expectation to put on one another. Your best off doing it for yourself and by yourself. Let him see the results and be inspired by them. That's what I'm doing.0 -
I prefer to exercise alone. He can't keep up.0
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As far as working out with your spouse, kinda falls under loaning family money or getting a friend a job.
I disagree.
My husband and I work out together every day and I love it. He pushes me and he is there to spot me. He also points out when my form is bad or I'm doing something wrong and corrects me. He pushes me to lift more even when I don't feel like it. We have fun and enjoy the time that we spend together.0 -
When I did 30DS, Jillian said that not enough people do the "old" situps, they are good for your lower abs, back & hips....I'm definitely not an expert - don't know if Jillian is exactly either though?!?
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As far as working out with your spouse, kinda falls under loaning family money or getting a friend a job.
Yes! This!!
You can't count on a spouse for support when exercising, it's too big of an expectation to put on one another. Your best off doing it for yourself and by yourself. Let him see the results and be inspired by them. That's what I'm doing.
I disagree. My husband and I work out together all the time. We give each other tips and honest critiques. But we are also best friends and can go to the bathroom while carrying on a conversation like its no big deal. I would really recommend suggesting a personal trainer. My YMCA has a free two hour session just for joining. Perhaps you could book one together so you both get good insight?0 -
Let him do his sit-ups his way, then laugh in his face when his back goes out.0
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As far as working out with your spouse, kinda falls under loaning family money or getting a friend a job.
Yes! This!!
You can't count on a spouse for support when exercising, it's too big of an expectation to put on one another. Your best off doing it for yourself and by yourself. Let him see the results and be inspired by them. That's what I'm doing.
I disagree. My husband and I work out together all the time. We give each other tips and honest critiques. But we are also best friends and can go to the bathroom while carrying on a conversation like its no big deal. I would really recommend suggesting a personal trainer. My YMCA has a free two hour session just for joining. Perhaps you could book one together so you both get good insight?
I think exercising with your spouse is probably not the norm, although those of you who do are very lucky. I'm lucky if I can get mine to step on a scale, never mind workout with me. He's convinced that he still has the same form he did when he worked in a wearhouse in his 20's. :-p0 -
As far as working out with your spouse, kinda falls under loaning family money or getting a friend a job.
Yes! This!!
You can't count on a spouse for support when exercising, it's too big of an expectation to put on one another. Your best off doing it for yourself and by yourself. Let him see the results and be inspired by them. That's what I'm doing.
I do not want or need support. I just want to do it together. If it ends up being loathesome, I wil go it on my own, like I have been all these years. Maybe we can compromise- like gym together (because it isn't necessairly 'together same stuff', just proximal)- and bike rides/rock climbing together, but my pilates and calesthenics are all my time and he can do whatevrr 'at home exercise' on his own.0 -
Let him do his sit-ups his way, then laugh in his face when his back goes out.
HA!! I have thought of that, too!!0 -
not on the bed and using just momentum, I doubt. he needs to work oh upper abs.When I did 30DS, Jillian said that not enough people do the "old" situps, they are good for your lower abs, back & hips....I'm definitely not an expert - don't know if Jillian is exactly either though?!?0 -
As far as working out with your spouse, kinda falls under loaning family money or getting a friend a job.
Yes! This!!
You can't count on a spouse for support when exercising, it's too big of an expectation to put on one another. Your best off doing it for yourself and by yourself. Let him see the results and be inspired by them. That's what I'm doing.
I do not want or need support. I just want to do it together. If it ends up being loathesome, I wil go it on my own, like I have been all these years. Maybe we can compromise- like gym together (because it isn't necessairly 'together same stuff', just proximal)- and bike rides/rock climbing together, but my pilates and calesthenics are all my time and he can do whatevrr 'at home exercise' on his own.
I like the "gym together" idea... nice compromise.0 -
you cant isolate the lower and upper abs no more than you can only flew half of your bicep.0
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haha I can relate... my gf is SUPER skinny too, and never really had any muscle.. just started working out with me. she has terrible form too and gets pissed when I correct her. I just keep trying, and saying take the advice and I'm not trying to embarrass you....
she is getting better though.
idk about a guy though, helping him might hurt his ego. lols. just keep trying to correct him and/or show him the proper way, maybe he will slowly come around.
I know how frustrating it can be in that situation though.0 -
As far as working out with your spouse, kinda falls under loaning family money or getting a friend a job.
Yes! This!!
You can't count on a spouse for support when exercising, it's too big of an expectation to put on one another. Your best off doing it for yourself and by yourself. Let him see the results and be inspired by them. That's what I'm doing.
Wow, this makes me extra grateful for my fiance! We weight lift together 3x a week and bike or hike on the weekends. Working out together is one of the best parts of our relationship. I definitely don't think that it's "too big of an expectation;" we motivate each other and out competitive tendencies get us to the gym on days we might have liked to sleep in. I'd never have gotten where I am now without him.0 -
8-)you cant isolate the lower and upper abs no more than you can only flew half of your bicep.0 -
A_ how bad is it to exercise like that? am I just being too picky in what I think is the right way?
B- I guess I should just be thankful he is trying.... but it drives me bonkers and I always have to say something. How would you handle it? How would you hold your tongue??
Now bike riding and things with 'equiptment' like that are OK. it's the calisthenics, I guess. (that word is hard for me to spell)
My honey baby is a little different. He's HUGE on form. He wants form to be perfect so much that he drives me nuts and I'm self conscious to exercise in front of him. He's gone through all the training, all the planning and prep to learn the right ways to do EVERYthing. The difference is...since being with me and a bit before me, he hasn't been pushing himself to exercise. He's thin and small build. He has a bit of a belly (I still think he's gorgeous but hey.) He just hasn't found a way to motivate because of a car accident he had at 20 that destroyed part of his back in the discs. He's in a lot of paint. I can't blame him. I find the exercise ball helps me as I'm in a lot of back pain lately too.
He doesn't hold his tongue with me and while I'm self-conscious of my form (I do crunches, using my muscles and not my momentum) I know he cares because he says something. All you can do is tell him the right way once or twice. Cite studies if you have to. Send him links to those if it helps. Give him some helpful yoga routines for his back (there are some on YouTube) and the rest will be up to him.0 -
The best thing to do is have them do a couple of sessions with certified personal trainers. If hes like most guys (me included), we believe that men know more about exercising than women. Don't give yourself a headache and the pass issue to a certified trainer.
good luck !0 -
The best thing to do is have them do a couple of sessions with certified personal trainers. If hes like most guys (me included), we believe that men know more about exercising than women. Don't give yourself a headache and the pass issue to a certified trainer.
good luck !
I am thinking this is best.
and I bought a couple of books for bodyweight type exercises for me to read- which he can borrow if he is so inclined.0
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