Anyone criticised for exercising?

Beckii330
Beckii330 Posts: 28
in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone - I just wanted to gather a few opinions.

I am 34, 5'7, a size UK 10 and 10 stone 5 lbs at last weigh in. I've never been what I would consider big, although I was a size UK 18 after my 3rd child. The divorce diet worked wonders and I did lose 2 stone, purely from stress.

However, at the start of this year, I decided to do it right and tone up and get fit and healthy. So I started with a few home workout dvds, moved onto Jillian Michaels and then discovered Insanity. By that point, exercise was a daily, regular thing which I enjoyed.

But....my friend, who is 26 stone, had a go at me this weekend, saying I should just give it up, why was I doing it, what was the point? She said I clearly only wanted to make my ex husband jealous (fair point, doing a "look what you've lost!" is pretty good motivation!) and now that I'd achieved that I should just get a life! I also got that I didn't need to do any exercise, because I am already slim. She made me feel really stupid.

Has anyone else had this from people who just don't get it? I mean, I'm not obsessive, I eat plenty (mostly the wrong stuff!) and I'm not trying to lose weight in any case as I have hit my target. Why are people so negative? Jealousy?
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Replies

  • Delicate
    Delicate Posts: 625 Member
    She seems to be putting her insecurities on you, so she doesnt feel bad about not being able to do it.

    lift your head up high, and simply state exercise is about alot more than just 'getting slim' particularly endorphines, stress release etc for your health not just to look pretty.

    I know without exercise, im a grouchy so and so
  • CognacKibby
    CognacKibby Posts: 5 Member
    Your friend is jealous. She may be a great friend in other aspects, but not when it comes to your health and fitness. I would look elsewhere for support and encouragement in this area.
  • kimmianne89
    kimmianne89 Posts: 428 Member
    She needs to be reminded that exercise is not just to help lose weight. It is also for your health and no matter what size you are or what your goals are it is always beneficial. Keep at it!
  • AmyB69
    AmyB69 Posts: 117
    Unfortunately, it sounds like she's jealous. Just keep doing what you feel is right.Exercise gives you so much more than weightloss. I know if I don't exercise, my mood shows it!
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
    Your friend is jealous. As someone else said, look elsewhere for support.
  • AliciaStaton
    AliciaStaton Posts: 328 Member
    Hi it does not matter what size you are for exercising, its a question of keeping fit. I am a size 18 and my friend who I go to the gym is a size 10-12 and we support each other, we never pull each other down. Dont fall out with her , just explain its nothing to do with your ex its about you getting fit and looking after yourself. Maybe your friend should join in with you, there are plenty of people at the gym I go to who is silm but they are doing it to keep fit, its not always about the weight loss. In my case its both to lose weight and to get fit:bigsmile:
  • chooriyah
    chooriyah Posts: 469 Member
    Congratulations on your achievement. That is awesome. I am a size 16 looking to get down to size 12 at least (hopefully 10) so thanks for the inspiration.

    So...my first reaction was that your friend is crazy, and that it was a mean and discouraging thing to say.

    But everyone (or almost everyone) is a rational person, so there must be some reason for her outburst. It could be jealousy. She could be annoyed that you have made progress when she hasn't, feel 'abandoned' in some way, or just doesn't like the contrast when you two are hanging out or in photos together.

    Also, just lack of comprehension of the benefits. As someone who didn't exercise for a long time (over a year), and didn't enjoy it when I did, I often looked at my super fit friends like they were insane. Exercising took up a lot of their time, and frankly a lot of them would get super crabby if they didn't do it every day. They were already gorgeous and their insistence on going to the gym every day made me feel even more lazy. You may not feel like you are obsessive, and in fact I'm sure that you're not. But it can still look like it to someone who doesn't do any type of exercise.

    Perhaps she misses hanging out with you as much? Do you think that you have less time for her these days because you are exercising?

    Anyway, this is certainly not intended to place any blame on you, but just to offer some suggestions for what could be behind her nonsense. Perhaps a calm conversation between you needs to happen to ask her to explain and also communicate that you feel hurt and let down by her lack of support.

    In short, this is not about you, it's about her.
  • little_miss_panda
    little_miss_panda Posts: 79
    Just because you're slim doesn't mean you don't need to exercise! Exercise has a whole bunch of health benefits, and it's not always about losing weight. I train with a bunch of people who are slim, but they choose to train, because they enjoy it, they get a sense of achievement from completing their runs, swims, rides and triathlons, you get mental wellbeing, you socialise with others if you choose to train in a group or join online communities.

    Slim people who don't exercise and who are unfit can be as much at risk of diseases as overweight people, so tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it!

    Or alternatively, get her involved in it - try a class together or something, see if you can convert her!
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
    Jealousy!

    I also had a friend who had said to me I'm wasting my $ & time with a personal trainer, I didn't need 1 etc & now who's got a personal trainer?

    People like to bring you down - it's in most people's nature.

    Keep doing what your doing, there is always going to be haters :flowerforyou:
  • FJMilner
    FJMilner Posts: 407
    Ignore those remarks, exercise is so good for your health, weight, general well being. A friend of mine is similar, although she' isn't overweight she is very lazy and ridicules me for my running and workouts. I don't care, I know I feel great for doing them, and I recently found out she was looking into doing some home workouts herself after telling me it was a waste of time!!! You stick to your guns, sounds like you're doing great xx
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
    I think 'jealousy' is used too often; may just be doesn't understand as it doesn't fit in with their own experiences.

    I've had people questioning and tease me about my exercising.
    Me, I exercise because it helps me enjoy more of the outdoor things I like to do.
    Another thing that really convinced me was when my mum pointed out that she felt she was less likely to get the dementia my gran had as my mum tried to keep a reasonably healthy life style. Having Alzhimers on one side of the family and general Dementia on the other it's definitely important for me to try and do my best to avoid these.
    Also a healthy lifestyle is, I believe, the best defence against Cancer too.
  • mruntidy
    mruntidy Posts: 1,015 Member
    I get told all the time;

    'You've lost enough'
    'You go to the gym too much'
    'You don't eat this that or the other'

    It is annoying I must admit but it drives me on to get to my goal - I think (although my challenges are different to what you have experienced) that the people who count will always support you in what you are doing. A couple of lads from the gym always say I am looking well and doing great where as in contrast my mother in law recently said I had lost too much *shrugs* go figure
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
    Why would you feel stupid when she's the one spewing idiotic nonsense.

    .By getting a life is she suggesting a life of sloth and gluttony leading to an early grave? (At 26 stone she's got a good start on that one.....)

    You may want to remind her that being slim, by itself, is not a reliable indicator of health. Lots of skinny folks out there with high blood pressure, cholesterol etc.

    She doesn't sound like much of a friend.
  • princessfelton
    princessfelton Posts: 4
    Fair play for doing this for yourself to feel good and not to try and affect anybody else. Ignore them - it's actually quite a nasty trait for a 'friend' to have and talk to you this way.
  • gjulie
    gjulie Posts: 391
    Oh thats really annoying! You dont need her opinion or her approval,you do have a life and are getting on with it! Has she considered at 26 stone its her that should get a life!
  • Redskins76
    Redskins76 Posts: 68
    I say keep working out as much as u like! I asked my wife once why she workout so much and tried to get her to cut back but that made her happy and why break her spirit on something healthy and happy for her! Now I love her workout ethic because it got me movitivated! Maybe your friend will join you eventually!
  • Beckii330
    Beckii330 Posts: 28
    She's been quite mean about some other things too, she told me her husband thought I wore too much make up the first time I met him! (She's not a long term friend, just someone I've recently met via our children.) She suffers from depression so I did wonder if it was a deflective thing? If so, I just don't need that in a friend :(

    The funny thing is, she has started swimming in an effort to lose her own weight and her doctor told her to give it up (?) but I encouraged her, said swimming was great and to keep at it. Even without weight loss, she'd feel good for going.

    Thanks for the support, I will definitely keep going as I am thrilled with my results :)
  • EmmaM2211
    EmmaM2211 Posts: 536 Member
    Some people just dont get it. Sounds like your friend is jealous of the changes you've made - keep at it and maybe she'll stop trying to put you down and realise you're an inspiration to make some changes for herself one day.

    My housemate (who is 8stone(112lbs) and tiny BTW!) asked me where I had weight to lose from and why I was still exercising??? I replied with - you're a size 6/8 and I'm a size 12/14 so when I'm smaller than you then you can comment - until then I'll do what I like :bigsmile: she now doesnt comment on my weight at all just congratulates me if I do mention I've lost any more or I've got through a difficult run.
  • hippichickiniki
    hippichickiniki Posts: 5
    I thought of a couple of things:

    1. even thin people need to be active and exercise. Exercise is a health issue, not just an issue of weight loss.

    2. Your friend's comment reminds me of what is discussed in this article about people who react badly when their friends and family start having healthier habits: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303717304577279402522090464.html

    3. I'm sorry that it bothered you. Try not to let it. It has to do with how your healthy example makes her feel. It is not because you are doing anything wrong. You keep going and keep being healthy.
  • Joannie30
    Joannie30 Posts: 415 Member
    Sounds like real jealousy to me! She probably doesn't have the motivation or whatever to do this herself and is frustrated to see you doing so well. Its a shame really.
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    I more frequently hear the opposite: "I don't need to exercise as I'm naturally slim."
  • emire31
    emire31 Posts: 10
    She probably doesn't understand that exercise is supposed to be a normal part of a healthy lifestyle. Don't take any kind of health advice from someone who is 26 stone(!!!!!!) and obviously keeping herself in denial so she doesn't have to do anything about it. She is threatened by the fact that you are doing something positive for your health and body while she probably hasn't even accepted that she needs to lose weight. She has convinced herself that she is the normal one and you are challenging that delusion.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    There are many more benefits to exercise besides just weight loss.

    I haven't heard anything I'd call really negative or "criticism" as such - but I have heard the "you don't need to go to the gym" or "you don't need to lose weight" (even when I'm not trying to lose weight) They see it as a compliment they're giving me and I realise that, but it's a bit annoying.
  • chooriyah
    chooriyah Posts: 469 Member
    She's been quite mean about some other things too, she told me her husband thought I wore too much make up the first time I met him!

    Ok, now it really sounds like jealousy. And petty jealousy.

    There are too many amazing people in the world to waste your time on idiot sourpusses.
  • Stenobun
    Stenobun Posts: 166 Member


    But....my friend, who is 26 stone, had a go at me this weekend...

    Since you mentioned your friend's weight, I would be inclined to think you already knew the answer to this one.
  • tialynn1
    tialynn1 Posts: 884 Member
    Let her know that exercise is helping make you feel better!
    It does sound like she is jealous though! Don't let her bring you down! You are doing awesome!
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
    I'm sorry your friend has not been supportive to you but its her own insecurities making her say this to you - deep down she wishes dearly she could be more like you but she mustn't have the willpower etc...you keep on doing what you're doing, exercising is good for us, it makes us feel better about ourselves, its good for our hearts and minds...you've done brilliantly and I'm sorry this girl had to rain on your parade, don't let her bother you :)
  • ladyark
    ladyark Posts: 1,101 Member
    You are doing great and it sounds as if your friend is very jealous of what you have accomplished. I would do one of two things..

    1. Tell her its not about weight its about health and if she would ever like any help to achieve better health she could always talk to you but, to keep her negativity to herself .

    2. Lose 26 stone! until she gets a better attitude.

    Being overweight i used to surround myself with heavy women or women that werent interested in taking care of themselves, so i didnt feel the need to compare....now i pretty much have no true friends just aquaintences that i would rather not be around than watch them do what they do while i am trying to make myself better.
  • Beckii330
    Beckii330 Posts: 28


    But....my friend, who is 26 stone, had a go at me this weekend...

    Since you mentioned your friend's weight, I would be inclined to think you already knew the answer to this one.

    I also thought it was relevant. She has made a start to lose her weight by swimming so this is not a woman who is doing nothing. But if she is doing something to feel better about herself, why does she feel the need to criticise me? I genuinely don't understand it. I wondered if it was a wide held opinion - that slimmer people just don't need to exercise simply because of their size? Which is obviously crazy!
  • grumpy2032
    grumpy2032 Posts: 92 Member
    I have this brother in law who will sit and watch [he lives in my home ] then tell me how I am doing it wrong but he would never get up and join in the fun . Some people just think they know it all. They have a lot to learn .

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