50 pounds down, 12 more till first goal!

Before I get to the pictures ...

My ticker is inaccurate. It says I've lost 38 pounds, but I've actually lost over 50. In January 2011, I hit the highest weight I've ever been -- over 200 pounds. On a short girl like me, it's a lot of weight to carry around.

I have to confess before getting into this: I've had disordered eating habits since I was a pre-teen. When I was in elementary school, I gained a few pounds. It was weight that could easily have melted off as my body grew, but my family never stayed silent about it. It was a constant barrage of food shaming and fat shaming. So I started my first diet at age 11.

There had been a few times after that where I got to be properly thin, mostly by calorie restriction. My weight has been up and down ever since, mostly up. I especially gained a lot of weight in college and lost it after I left. After my husband and I moved in together and got married, I gained back all the weight I lost after college. That's when I hit the 200 mark. And I only realized how big I had gotten when most of my clothes didn't fit anymore.

I admit, I tried to jumpstart weightloss by calorie restricting again. I limited myself to about 800 calories a day and lost some weight. But I was just absolutely miserable and mean all the time because I was so hungry. I can't remember when I finally woke up and realized that I was torturing myself. All I recall thinking was: am I really going to limit myself to 800 calories for the rest of my life? Am I really going to continue to let myself be THIS miserable just to be thin? No. On both accounts.

Slowly, I upped my cals. First to 1000, then to 1200, etc. I gained some of the weight back, but I was happy that I actually felt fed during the day. My exercise began with walking a few miles everyday, just to get my body moving.

My weight came down, but what I really wanted was a more toned shape. All the disordered eating had really affected my muscles. Physically, I was very weak. In June 2012, I joined MFP, and at the beginning of July, I started Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. The first day, I cried. Seriously cried. I could only get through 15 minutes of the first level. I was so sore afterward, I could barely move for two days. My calves hurt, my thighs, my arms, my abs -- everything. But two days later, I started up the DVD again and got through the first day. At the end of the month, I finished all 3 levels. Now, I'm almost finished with Jillian's Ripped in 30 (I did the first 3 weeks over again, so I've done them twice now), and I use her Yoga Meltdown as a warm up.


I couldn't find any photos of me at my biggest. I avoided cameras! So here is my before picture:



That's after I lost 10-15 pounds or so. I was so happy with the loss when that picture was taken. Someone tagged me in it on Facebook, and I couldn't help but be upset about it. All I could think about was how much work I had ahead of me. Weight loss is such a daunting thing.

Here's me as of yesterday:



I still have 12 more to lose until my first goal, and I'd like to lose about 10 more after that. But right now, I'm just focusing on staying healthy, continuing to work on toning, and never, ever going back to disordered eating again. I feel so much happier now that I can eat properly.

Thanks for listening, guys! Keep up the wonderful work!