Sex and violence... on a diet

So, I had an NSV, having come along over two years of dieting and exercising quite rigorously. So rigorously, in fact, that nearly every day I say, "Hullo. That was quite rigorous."

So, I was out walking about and I ran into a fellow I know from quite a bit back. He said, "Hullo. You look quite slender." "Thank you," I said. "You used to be so much bigger," he said. "Yes, I know," I said. "You were quite disgusting, in point of fact," he said. "Thank you," I said. "I take your point." "In fact, I used to come over quite nauseated when I saw you," he said. "I get it," I replied. "You may well have been the most revolting..." "Yes!! Thank you!"

So, I claim this as an NSV. And, as such, I post this as my story of an NSV.

"What is an NSV," someone asks? "Well, that is a 'Non-Scale Victory' in point of fact." "Why thank you." "My pleasure."

But then, my story was read by a critic. And, a critic not given to superlatives.

"Your story is completely boring," he said. "It may be the most boring story in the entire history of the universe. You see, it lacks the critical elements of sex and violence in these troubles times."

So, I've rewritten my NSV. This is how it goes.

So, I was out walking... with three nude women who were being very sexy and quite violent. We walked upon an old friend of mine. And, whilst the nude women were being very violent and sexy with him, he said, "Oh my! You've lost quite a bit of weight!"

"Yes, I have," I replied. And now these nude and violent women go everywhere with me."

"Well done, sir!" he said.

"I'll take that as an NSV," I responded.

"What is an NSV?"

"Naked, sexy violence," I replied.

"It suits you."

"Not really. But, it has a good waistline."

And, that's my rewritten NSV with the critical elements of sex and violence.



(This is what happens to me on a Saturday night when Netflix isn't cooperating.)

((To see the inspiration for this, google up Peter Cook and Down the Mine. My comedy hero.))