There is nothing worse than...

kmhamilton6
kmhamilton6 Posts: 53 Member
in Motivation and Support
feeling bad about yourself when you look into a mirror.

I was doing pretty good before left for my two week vacation home and now I have been eating like crap. My parents don't support me eating well and working out. They say, "Oh, you don't ever come home so enjoy yourself!" or " Come one Kayla, you won't get a chance to eat like this all the time." All of that makes it really difficult to stay on top of my game. I was going to the gym regularly and now I haven't worked out in a week and a half.

I just want to feel good about my external self. I work SO HARD to be a compassionate, hardworking, passionate woman that I want all of that to manifest on the outside. I am tired of a gigantic stomach and wearing XL shirts. I want to go shopping and look a myself in the mirror and be like, " I am hot!"

I am so sad. I just want to go back to my NYC closet and get busy. Being here is only making me fatter.

SW: 183
GW: 145

Could I loose this before Christmas?

I just needed to vent.

Hating my outside self,

Kayla

Replies

  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,322 Member
    That might be a stretch doing it healthy. I am 187 right now and I just want to see 169 by Christmas....I think its a bit more doable.

    I don't really like what I look like, either but I am determined to do this the right way....I have lost weight too many times the wrong way and I only gained it back again. I don't want to look good for a few weeks and then start getting fat again. When I lose this time, its forever. :)
  • annamaries13
    annamaries13 Posts: 12 Member
    Hi Kayla,

    First of all - congratulations on being able to recognize that even if you are unhappy with your outside appearance, you are still a great person on the inside. That doesn't come easily to most people.

    Second, any change of routine, especially with family who we love and want to make happy, makes it hard to stick to new healthy habits.

    My suggestion would simply be to see if you can add any activity at all to the rest of your time with your family. Even just a walk in the morning or after dinner would, I suspect, help you start to feel more on track. Maybe your folks would even go with you if it seemed like something you could share and enjoy together.

    This is the first post I've ever replied to, I just was touched by both your intelligent self-awareness and your frustration and wanted to offer at least a little bit of support. Good luck.
  • ChitownFoodie
    ChitownFoodie Posts: 1,562 Member
    You got this!!!! Christmas is a great and attainable goal
  • kmhamilton6
    kmhamilton6 Posts: 53 Member
    Thank you so much. You know, I will go for a walk in the morning. i doubt they would join me, but I can get it in before they even wake up in the morning. That's brilliant! Thanks so much for the advice.

    I just hate to see myself lose focus over vacation with my family. I rarely see them, so I do want to enjoy them...but I do not want to lose my sense of purpose as an individual in the process.

    Thanks so much you guys!

    I am going to get moving! (in the am that is) :)
  • ohmyheck
    ohmyheck Posts: 13
    You can do it!! If I can, anyone can!! Down 122 pounds in 18 months!!
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    There are many worse things, but I won't list them. Snap out of self-pity mode and be the person you want to be.
  • kmhamilton6
    kmhamilton6 Posts: 53 Member
    No self -pity....I am sorry to inform you. I am self aware and feeling a little down about being away from my healthy, focused routine. That is amazing that you have never felt a bit down or challenged by your weight loss journey....Unfortunately, I am unlike you.

    I will keep pushing.

    Thanks for your support! :)
  • TXtstorm
    TXtstorm Posts: 163 Member
    Kayla--
    I know they're your family and you want to preserve your relationship with them, but if there is someplace you can even go out and walk safely for a while, do it. Tell them you're going for a walk, that your muscles are used to getting more exercise and you'll be more comfortable if you go make them work for a bit so stave off stiffness. If they object, tell them you won't be long... 20 or 30 minutes, maybe. Can you retreat to the room you're staying in and get in even a few stretches, crunches, push ups, squats, etc? Anyplace with safe stairwells available nearby? Walk up and down those for a few minutes. The exercise may be different, but you'll feel better and maybe it will help keep you in that "it's time to go to the gym" habitual mindset.

    Could you lose 38 pounds by Christmas? Yes, likely if you work at it hard and consistently and make very good food choices to nourish your body while avoiding excess. There are 17 weeks left until Christmas, so at 2 pounds a week you could be down 34. But you'd need to be on your game. Can you give yourself a pep talk and start before you get back to your place? Might improve your odds and your mood! :flowerforyou:

    Good luck!
  • debk3p2
    debk3p2 Posts: 82 Member
    Hi Kayla: Don't beat yourself up over it. I have a terrible time staying on track when I travel or visit relatives too. Most of my relatives are very supportive but some aren't. They aren't trying to sabotage my diet, just into partying hearty when we all get together. I know some people stay the course completely and some people just eat whatever they want on vacation. I think you should decide what works best for you. What I usually do is find the middle ground: eat good for two meals out of three - make sure I at least get a long walk for exercise. Since I travel frequently it has slowed me down some. At this point I am only losing between three and four pounds a month. For me it's a trade-off I can live with though. I just make sure I am completely back on track the minute I get back home.

    Hope you are having a nice visit with your family. Good luck with your Christmas goal!

    Debbie
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Hey, I live in NYC - do you need some local support?

    Just remember that it isnt your parents or anyone else being sabotage-y that get to live in your body!

    YOU get to live there, its all yours, like your own beautiful little seashell. You are the one that gets to shape it, color it, shine buff and polish it, show it off, alter it, love it entirely.

    Your body is more than just tupperware for your soul - its your spirits best friend, and I know you know that - but love her, pamper her, feed her like a princess and I promise, she will indeed love you back. Push her to evolve and remember that your parents arent on this mission with you. They are on the sidelines, so dont let them be your pit crew. Choose a pit crew that wont put sugar in your tank, okie dokie?

    Own the deed to your body, dont just keep it locked away and forgotten in a safe somewhere.
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
    Hating my outside self,

    Kayla


    I know it is going to seem like I am hating on you or something... please understand that I am not... I see in you so many qualities of myself... and I know what you are going through

    have you ever considered counseling???




    for the longest time I HATED my body... hated the way I looked in the mirror... the jiggling... the flabbiness... the stupid belly that gets in the way of everything... the boobs that cause me to not be able to see the floor


    I have started... whenever I feel <insert negative body image here>... I remind myself several things 1) God made all things glorious and He made me... and 2) the King is enthralled with my beauty... I am loved... loved enough that He died for me... and that just makes me feel I can't even have words to explain how marvelous it makes me feel to think that... I just have goosebumps to think it... may sound a little corny (and uberchristian... but I don't care)... but it really makes me feel lovely inside... and it makes me want to work even harder...

    :heart: huge hugs:heart:
  • kim959706
    kim959706 Posts: 17
    I know what it is like to not have a support system when you want to lose weight and get fit. Everyone around you eats whatever they want and whenever they want and you are struggling not to eat too much or not to eat when you are bored, etc. I have never had to do this before, diet and exercise, and I too am finding it very difficult and very discouraging. BUT I'm still trying. I log my food even though I always go over because it makes me work harder to try and not do it next time. I'm trying to cut out my sodas which is very hard. I try to find time to get in some exercise even though my schedule is crazy busy. You have to decide you want it and no matter how down you get and how much you want to give up you have to just keep pushing forward. It usually takes a while to start seeing results so you have to keep that in mind. You can do it. But you gotta want it. Despite those around you. Ask your family to support you and not hinder you. Be strong without beating yourself up. Another trick to feel good is to measure your hot spots and remeasure at set intervals. I only lost one pound but I lost 2 inches off my belly. I was more proud of that then the one pound. Every little bit helps.

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