Are you quick to delete a fellow member?

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SalubriousGyrl
SalubriousGyrl Posts: 88 Member
in Motivation and Support
Before if i saw that someone had not logged in for quite a while, i would quickly delete them. Why, because i saw no use to have them on my friends list since they are doing nothing to motivate me or themselves. What i learned from this was how is this helping the individual with their lifestyle change.

But because of this, my question is… how are we motivating other people if we don't take the time to show consideration. Why have friends on your page that you will not even take time to say a simple hello. What is the purpose? So it's all about the quantity?

Before we delete, shouldn't we take more time to find out what's going on with the individual and why they thought adding us would be helpful for their journey?

What are your thoughts on this?

Replies

  • RavenBeauty87
    RavenBeauty87 Posts: 83 Member
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    Very well put. I use to be that way and just delete but I do take the time now and write them. I usually start off with "I miss you and saw you haven't logged on. What's going on?" Sometimes it is just stress or work schedule so they don't have time to write or log things. If they don't write me back or log on for another few weeks I delete because clearly they just aren't coming back. I think we just want everyone to comment on our stuff and help us and we don't think about the other person or if we do we think "They have other friends on here and are probably talking to them."
  • Gwen_B
    Gwen_B Posts: 1,018 Member
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    I agree, might as well make room for friends who will log in everyday, I do.
  • letsgethealthy
    letsgethealthy Posts: 47 Member
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    I agree completely. I write to them (haven't been using MFP long) to see why they haven't or to remind them to log on. I log daily, doesn't take long. Sometimes I log in the morning everything I plan to eat and do, which helps to stick to healthy stuff. Everyone is busy in one way or another, so some have to be reminded to log. Feel free to add me I will help you and you can help me.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    I try to help people, motivate and give advice but if they are fighting it or refusing to eat, I do not have time for all that noise and will delete them. Why? Because it is about me not them. I can only bang my head against the wall so many times before I realize I need to turn around. I see people that are under eating or eating plain old crap then apparently they are not here for the same reason I am. It kind bothers me so I just cut it out of my life.

    I encourage and even make healthier suggestions, but if all I get are excuses, its my place to move on, they can stay right where they are at, not my problem.
  • letsgethealthy
    letsgethealthy Posts: 47 Member
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    Lesasass you are right. Those that are ready for a change try, those that aren't don't. I for one am ready for a change.
  • kathyms13
    kathyms13 Posts: 497 Member
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    I NEVER DELETE . but ive lost a couple of friends this week. maybe im boring. i will say tho, who are we to dictate whether others eat or not. we are not the diet police.
  • Ezada
    Ezada Posts: 207 Member
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    If they have only been gone a few weeks I do not delete them. I send them a message and ask how they are doing. Once they hit the 3+ months gone I generally delete them, you can only encourage someone so much before you have to realize it is up to them to help themselves. I have only ever had to delete 3 people though.

    I am pretty sure a few people deleted me while I was on my 4+ month hiatus, I don't blame them either. Now I am ready to change, I had to take responsibility for myself, no one else, just me.
  • SalubriousGyrl
    SalubriousGyrl Posts: 88 Member
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    I love the comments and all you have valid points. But do take time to write time before you delete. Such as "hey i see that you haven't logged in in quite some time. Maybe this is not your first priority, so i am going to delete you in the meantime while i focus on me and others that motivate me".

    I don't know, it's just seems cold to me.
  • SalubriousGyrl
    SalubriousGyrl Posts: 88 Member
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    If they have only been gone a few weeks I do not delete them. I send them a message and ask how they are doing. Once they hit the 3+ months gone I generally delete them, you can only encourage someone so much before you have to realize it is up to them to help themselves. I have only ever had to delete 3 people though.

    I am pretty sure a few people deleted me while I was on my 4+ month hiatus, I don't blame them either. Now I am ready to change, I had to take responsibility for myself, no one else, just me.

    I appreciate this response and i believe that this makes perfect sense.
  • SalubriousGyrl
    SalubriousGyrl Posts: 88 Member
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    Very well put. I use to be that way and just delete but I do take the time now and write them. I usually start off with "I miss you and saw you haven't logged on. What's going on?" Sometimes it is just stress or work schedule so they don't have time to write or log things. If they don't write me back or log on for another few weeks I delete because clearly they just aren't coming back. I think we just want everyone to comment on our stuff and help us and we don't think about the other person or if we do we think "They have other friends on here and are probably talking to them."

    Exactly
  • neasha27
    neasha27 Posts: 18
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    I won't delete because I understand people have their own life to live....I can't dictate what ppl eat, if they're under calories, etc. You never know a person's situation so I am a "friends" with someone I only expect him or her to do their best at being healthy whether he or she logs in or not.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    How does sending them a message do any good if they aren't logging in to see it?
  • SalubriousGyrl
    SalubriousGyrl Posts: 88 Member
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    How does sending them a message do any good if they aren't logging in to see it?

    It's motivates them to come back, log on, and find out what was mentioned. It should come to your email letting you know you have a message.
  • togden
    togden Posts: 324 Member
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    If someone is inactive for a long period of time I delete them ... I want friends who are consistently on and are there to motivate me as I motivate them ... I rather have pages full of active everyday or even a couple times a week friends than a bunch of friends who disappear for 3 or 4 weeks at a time.
  • ladyark
    ladyark Posts: 1,101 Member
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    I try to help people, motivate and give advice but if they are fighting it or refusing to eat, I do not have time for all that noise and will delete them. Why? Because it is about me not them. I can only bang my head against the wall so many times before I realize I need to turn around. I see people that are under eating or eating plain old crap then apparently they are not here for the same reason I am. It kind bothers me so I just cut it out of my life.

    I encourage and even make healthier suggestions, but if all I get are excuses, its my place to move on, they can stay right where they are at, not my problem.

    This is so true. I dont delete usually if they havent logged on ( who knows why they havent) but, i have deleted when it seems to me they dont seem as serious about losing weight as i am. I dont want to have a friend/motivator who spends one day every week on a cheat DAY. I think that goes against what you are trying to do here....change your bad habits. Or makes one excuse after another why they ate so badly....all the time. Its not motivating for me and they dont seem to want to hear you make note of their behavior.

    I would like friends who can help me on my journey with advice and motivation and support. I'm not going to say oh its ok tommorows another day so you just enjoy those 8 beers today....I'm open to anyone adding me providing they read my profile first or deleting me if i am not giving them what they need.
  • SalubriousGyrl
    SalubriousGyrl Posts: 88 Member
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    I try to help people, motivate and give advice but if they are fighting it or refusing to eat, I do not have time for all that noise and will delete them. Why? Because it is about me not them. I can only bang my head against the wall so many times before I realize I need to turn around. I see people that are under eating or eating plain old crap then apparently they are not here for the same reason I am. It kind bothers me so I just cut it out of my life.

    I encourage and even make healthier suggestions, but if all I get are excuses, its my place to move on, they can stay right where they are at, not my problem.

    This is so true. I dont delete usually if they havent logged on ( who knows why they havent) but, i have deleted when it seems to me they dont seem as serious about losing weight as i am. I dont want to have a friend/motivator who spends one day every week on a cheat DAY. I think that goes against what you are trying to do here....change your bad habits. Or makes one excuse after another why they ate so badly....all the time. Its not motivating for me and they dont seem to want to hear you make note of their behavior.

    I would like friends who can help me on my journey with advice and motivation and support. I'm not going to say oh its ok tommorows another day so you just enjoy those 8 beers today....I'm open to anyone adding me providing they read my profile first or deleting me if i am not giving them what they need.

    Great advice!

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