how to stop striving for perfection?
BeautyFromPain
Posts: 4,952 Member
I am an ex-dancer, so was taught from a very young age what I should look like, what I should act like, what I should even think..
That and whatwith pressures at home, of being compared to my brother in everything we did when we were younger, did not help.
Now I have this pressure I put on myself to try and be "perfect" in everything I do..
Has anyone else overcome this? How?
That and whatwith pressures at home, of being compared to my brother in everything we did when we were younger, did not help.
Now I have this pressure I put on myself to try and be "perfect" in everything I do..
Has anyone else overcome this? How?
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Replies
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I have that too, I don't think it's bad as long as you channel it towards good things!
I always try to be better and I think that is what makes me constantly improve
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Nothing wrong with striving for perfection, as long as your goals are realistic.0
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When you find a cure for it, let me know.
That and to cure self-sabotage.0 -
Nothing wrong with striving for perfection, as long as your goals are realistic.
What about when that means that a certain thing is all you ever do? All you ever think about?
Say weight loss or nutrition,
You stop going out to lunch with friends cos you are scared there may not be a healthy option.0 -
If this is interfereing w/ your enjoyment of life, or affecting relationships, perhaps therapy is needed.
Good luck.0 -
Nothing wrong with striving for perfection, as long as your goals are realistic.
Perfection isn't a realistic goal for anyone
The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection - George Orwell0 -
From a medical standpoint, when these things start interfering with your life it's time to seek medical help. It's not healthy to strive for perfection so much that your well-being is put on hold. Everything should be in moderation. You should allow yourself a girls night out and eat a healthy option. You can always ask the restaurant to modify your meal.0
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Nothing wrong with striving for perfection, as long as your goals are realistic.
What about when that means that a certain thing is all you ever do? All you ever think about?
Say weight loss or nutrition,
You stop going out to lunch with friends cos you are scared there may not be a healthy option.
That's more of an anxiety or obsession. Do a little research online about anxiety. There are lots of things you can do at home to ease this mindset.
There is also Cognitive Behavior Therapy, if you believe in therapists. You can control these thoughts. We all have it in us to heal our lives of past behaviors. Just examine the thought, and replace it with a healthier one. The fact that you know this isn't good for you is a great start. Plan a way to move past those thoughts. Like, "Istop going out to lunch with friends cos I am scared there may not be a healthy option...." Replace that with, "Okay, that's just my anxiety talking. Of course I know how to eat! I'm smart, I can find something on the menus, or just eat an appetizer or salad."0 -
Nothing wrong with striving for perfection, as long as your goals are realistic.
Perfection isn't a realistic goal for anyone
The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection - George Orwell
That depends on what you believe 'perfect' is.
It could be as simple as 'toned legs'. Or 90%+ grades.
I think we need to strive for some level of perfection (what this means obviously varies for everyone).0 -
Nothing wrong with striving for perfection, as long as your goals are realistic.
What about when that means that a certain thing is all you ever do? All you ever think about?
Say weight loss or nutrition,
You stop going out to lunch with friends cos you are scared there may not be a healthy option.
That's more of an anxiety or obsession. Do a little research online about anxiety. There are lots of things you can do at home to ease this mindset.
There is also Cognitive Behavior Therapy, if you believe in therapists. You can control these thoughts. We all have it in us to heal our lives of past behaviors. Just examine the thought, and replace it with a healthier one. The fact that you know this isn't good for you is a great start. Plan a way to move past those thoughts. Like, "Istop going out to lunch with friends cos I am scared there may not be a healthy option...." Replace that with, "Okay, that's just my anxiety talking. Of course I know how to eat! I'm smart, I can find something on the menus, or just eat an appetizer or salad."
But that's the thing.. when striving for perfection becomes obsessive, is there a way to overcome it without therapy?0 -
Nothing wrong with striving for perfection, as long as your goals are realistic.
Perfection isn't a realistic goal for anyone
The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection - George Orwell
That depends on what you believe 'perfect' is.
It could be as simple as 'toned legs'. Or 90%+ grades.
I think we need to strive for some level of perfection (what this means obviously varies for everyone).
No sorry, you can't have different levels of perfection. You can have 'nearly' perfect. On the way to perfection. But it's either perfect or it isn't -no in between state
90% gardes is quite obviously not perfect! If it was then 91% would be better than perfection????0 -
Guys, no fighting on my topic please!
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Nothing wrong with striving for perfection, as long as your goals are realistic.
What about when that means that a certain thing is all you ever do? All you ever think about?
Say weight loss or nutrition,
You stop going out to lunch with friends cos you are scared there may not be a healthy option.
That's more of an anxiety or obsession. Do a little research online about anxiety. There are lots of things you can do at home to ease this mindset.
There is also Cognitive Behavior Therapy, if you believe in therapists. You can control these thoughts. We all have it in us to heal our lives of past behaviors. Just examine the thought, and replace it with a healthier one. The fact that you know this isn't good for you is a great start. Plan a way to move past those thoughts. Like, "Istop going out to lunch with friends cos I am scared there may not be a healthy option...." Replace that with, "Okay, that's just my anxiety talking. Of course I know how to eat! I'm smart, I can find something on the menus, or just eat an appetizer or salad."
But that's the thing.. when striving for perfection becomes obsessive, is there a way to overcome it without therapy?
I think so. The best therapists ask the right questions. They also serve as a model for good relationships. That is their role. The work is done by the patient. It's not easy, but it is still your work.
I just figured, no therapist would ever, could ever, know me the way I know myself. No One-hour-a-week "friend" could get to the root of me. That was my work. I couldn't possibly spill out all my life to him or her. Not enough hours in the day, if you know what I mean. So you spend an hour and then the rest of the week you kind of sort through the stuff that the therapist asked. Who is doing the healing? It's about asking yourself the good questions.
Ask, "Why do I think this way?" You've already identified some of your past influences. They were wrong (in your eyes). Rewrite your story. They may have had your best interests at heart, but didn't know how to verbalize that. You are now an adult and have to walk your own path. No one can make you do anything. No one can cause you pain unless you let them.0 -
Guys, no fighting on my topic please!
Sorry, we all make mistakes, nobody's per...............0 -
Also, I do work in a Gym.. could this be why?0
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Guys, no fighting on my topic please!
Sorry, we all make mistakes, nobody's per...............
*facepalm*0 -
It's body-related, in this instance, then? I'd focus on the amazing things that are particular to you. Think of ways to dress and present yourself that emphasize what's beautiful. Accept the things about you that are unlikely to change. (Like, you can lose weight, but you'll probably still have a similar shape. Learn to love your silhouette.) Maybe draw inspiration from people who look a bit like you, who you think are beautiful.
Don't look at images of people you might currently admire, but who are 180 degrees from your body type. Don't compare yourself to others at all.0 -
It's body-related, in this instance, then? I'd focus on the amazing things that are particular to you. Think of ways to dress and present yourself that emphasize what's beautiful. Accept the things about you that are unlikely to change. (Like, you can lose weight, but you'll probably still have a similar shape. Learn to love your silhouette.) Maybe draw inspiration from people who look a bit like you, who you think are beautiful.
Don't look at images of people you might currently admire, but who are 180 degrees from your body type. Don't compare yourself to others at all.
Not necessarily..
it's more like I just can NOT stop thinking about food.
It's like "oh in 2 hours, and 56 minutes I'm going to have this for lunch, it has xyz carbs/protein/fat, it has this many calories and it will get me closer to my goal."
Rather than "oh now i'm hungry let's go find something healthy in the fridge"
I think it also does not help that I work in a Gym either, where I am about a size or 2 larger than everyone else who works there with their perfect bodies and then here I am with my fat stomach and cellulite thighs.0 -
Well, I stand by what I said, about your second paragraph. If you think working somewhere else might help, maybe there's truth in it.
About obsessing - a *little* bit's normal at first, unless it's in the context of an eating disorder. I don't know what your background is, but for me there was a lot of re-education that had to happen for me to lose weight. It's one thing to know *about* portion sizes, and another to eyeball it more or less accurately at a restaurant... took a lot of practice to work that out. Same with working out how many calories it made *sense* for me to eat. I'd eat too many, not enough, etc. Still playing with that now that I'm on to body composition stuff, and am doing the same with macronutrients - learning to apply principles to my particular tastes and body.
A lot of time and mental energy goes with that, too.
It might be that you`re undereating, shooting for too big a deficit. That can make people moody, unhappy, etc. If that's true, try for a 15% deficit from TDEE for your current weight.0 -
Well, I stand by what I said, about your second paragraph. If you think working somewhere else might help, maybe there's truth in it.
About obsessing - a *little* bit's normal at first, unless it's in the context of an eating disorder. I don't know what your background is, but for me there was a lot of re-education that had to happen for me to lose weight. It's one thing to know *about* portion sizes, and another to eyeball it more or less accurately at a restaurant... took a lot of practice to work that out. Same with working out how many calories it made *sense* for me to eat. I'd eat too many, not enough, etc. Still playing with that now that I'm on to body composition stuff, and am doing the same with macronutrients - learning to apply principles to my particular tastes and body.
A lot of time and mental energy goes with that, too.
It might be that you`re undereating, shooting for too big a deficit. That can make people moody, unhappy, etc. If that's true, try for a 15% deficit from TDEE for your current weight.
Nope. I eat 1500-1800 calories a day. And I have been doing this for almost 18 months... I never used to feel obsessive up until these past few days :S0 -
I can be like that too. I think you just have to step back and think what's really going to make you happy in life.
I get obsessive about calories and exercise and get upset if I eat over my calories or don't have time exercise. But my boyfriend always tells me me there's more to life and being happy is more important. You're going to get older, hopefully have children, your body is always going to be changing in your journey through life so you have to accept your imperfections and 'trouble zones' as short of expensive surgery there's not you can do to change.
Easier said then done though!! Good luck.0 -
I can be like that too. I think you just have to step back and think what's really going to make you happy in life.
I get obsessive about calories and exercise and get upset if I eat over my calories or don't have time exercise. But my boyfriend always tells me me there's more to life and being happy is more important. You're going to get older, hopefully have children, your body is always going to be changing in your journey through life so you have to accept your imperfections and 'trouble zones' as short of expensive surgery there's not you can do to change.
Easier said then done though!! Good luck.
Thanks, I think I'm gonna need it.
Good luck to you too
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