Help me get through to my SO

frogz21
frogz21 Posts: 314
in Health and Weight Loss
My SO has gained quite a bit of weight over the past 2 years. It all started when I got pregnant in November of 10' and also I think him getting the job he has at AutoLiv has been one of the causes of his weight gain. He wants to lose weight, but his actions show otherwise. I also am wanting to lose weight and get into tip top shape. I am not blaming my SO for my failure at losing weight, but he is an enabler and he doesn't encourage me to continue down the road to being in shape and living healthy. I have told him countless times I want him and I to lose weight and live a healthy life, but he just doesn't get it. I really would like some tips on how to get through to him without nagging. I don't want him to feel like I am forcing him into something he doesn't want to do, I just want him to feel good about himself again and also it would be easier for me to lose weight if he was on the same page as me.

Just tell me what I can do to convince him to live better.

TIA

Replies

  • jaena4
    jaena4 Posts: 175 Member
    Boy, I don't know. That's tough. I was in the same place you are for about a year and my SO, while he'd agreed, he didn't really want to do anything. That changed when he went to see his doctor and the doctor told him he was right on the edge of needing high blood pressure medicine and that losing weight/getting into better shape might bring it down enough so he wouldn't need the pills. Suddenly, the SO, while still not as dedicated as I am, has been much less of an enable and has also lost a significant amount of weight himself. Maybe see if your SO's doctor might help you out?
  • frogz21
    frogz21 Posts: 314
    Boy, I don't know. That's tough. I was in the same place you are for about a year and my SO, while he'd agreed, he didn't really want to do anything. That changed when he went to see his doctor and the doctor told him he was right on the edge of needing high blood pressure medicine and that losing weight/getting into better shape might bring it down enough so he wouldn't need the pills. Suddenly, the SO, while still not as dedicated as I am, has been much less of an enable and has also lost a significant amount of weight himself. Maybe see if your SO's doctor might help you out?

    My SO hates going to the doctor. I hate how careless my SO is of his health, he has a kidney disease and he has to be on a healthy diet and exercise plan, but like I said he's careless.
  • vodkoffee
    vodkoffee Posts: 160 Member
    That's really rough. Mine was encouraged by his "second hand weight loss" through me, and then he started getting interested in why he sometimes gained and sometimes lost, so we made him an account on here so he could get on track. He's excited about losing weight now. You look amazing! I'm really surprised that doesn't encourage him.
  • Sailatsorf
    Sailatsorf Posts: 161 Member
    Had this problem with my ex when I started losing. We were both very overweight, and I started exercising and I wanted him to stop playing WoW and eating Cheetos long enough to take walks with me. He wouldn't do it.

    We broke up for other reasons, and now I'm with a guy who is in good shape, supports me all the way, and has agreed to take walks with me every night when we move in together. Maybe if you start out slow; don't bring up his weight or that you want him to lose, just say, "Hey, sweetie, why don't you come take a nice walk with me?" It didn't work with my ex, but your SO is probably way more mature and attentive to you than my ex was to me. He seriously didn't care about anything but playing WoW or whether or not his stupid friends thought he was cool.
  • frogz21
    frogz21 Posts: 314
    That's really rough. Mine was encouraged by his "second hand weight loss" through me, and then he started getting interested in why he sometimes gained and sometimes lost, so we made him an account on here so he could get on track. He's excited about losing weight now. You look amazing! I'm really surprised that doesn't encourage him.



    I wish my SO would stop procrastinating and get in shape.
  • frogz21
    frogz21 Posts: 314
    Had this problem with my ex when I started losing. We were both very overweight, and I started exercising and I wanted him to stop playing WoW and eating Cheetos long enough to take walks with me. He wouldn't do it.

    We broke up for other reasons, and now I'm with a guy who is in good shape, supports me all the way, and has agreed to take walks with me every night when we move in together. Maybe if you start out slow; don't bring up his weight or that you want him to lose, just say, "Hey, sweetie, why don't you come take a nice walk with me?" It didn't work with my ex, but your SO is probably way more mature and attentive to you than my ex was to me. He seriously didn't care about anything but playing WoW or whether or not his stupid friends thought he was cool.

    I asked my SO to go on a walk with me and he admittedly said that he just wants to be lazy today. He usually is good about going on walks, but I also want him to do the dvd workouts with me or even start running.
  • lbmore33
    lbmore33 Posts: 1,013 Member
    honestly Im in the same boat...mine see me running (lost 15 since I joined mfp) but it truely has to fall on them. If they want to lose weight, then they are gonna need a damn moment. (you know when you really see urself and say WTH). I just gave up personally...might not be right but my god (get off the couch)...how does that sayn go..."you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink it"...take care of urself first and foremost...hopefuly he (and mine) may come around in time...sorry im invented...i digress
  • keithjones1
    keithjones1 Posts: 6 Member
    Maybe if you started the dvd workouts your SO would join with you? When my girlfriend starts a dvd, and I am not in the mood I pony up and get my *kitten* in gear and work out with her. Push each other and lean on one another, I am also curious though could the dvds be to boring, or hard for your SO?
  • frogz21
    frogz21 Posts: 314
    honestly Im in the same boat...mine see me running (lost 15 since I joined mfp) but it truely has to fall on them. If they want to lose weight, then they are gonna need a damn moment. (you know when you really see urself and say WTH). I just gave up personally...might not be right but my god (get off the couch)...how does that sayn go..."you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink it"...take care of urself first and foremost...hopefuly he (and mine) may come around in time...sorry im invented...i digress

    I may just have to do it alone. It would be nice if he would join though.
  • frogz21
    frogz21 Posts: 314
    Maybe if you started the dvd workouts your SO would join with you? When my girlfriend starts a dvd, and I am not in the mood I pony up and get my *kitten* in gear and work out with her. Push each other and lean on one another, I am also curious though could the dvds be to boring, or hard for your SO?

    I do the dvds alone. He pretty much makes sure I am pushing myself throughout the workout. He has joined in once and he didn't like it. The dvds are boring, they're the Jillian Michaels dvds. He said they are not hard, but I think he said that because he didn't want to be embarrassed since I can do them without a problem. I am willing to do any fitness exercise with him as long as he's doing it.
  • frogz21
    frogz21 Posts: 314
    honestly Im in the same boat...mine see me running (lost 15 since I joined mfp) but it truely has to fall on them. If they want to lose weight, then they are gonna need a damn moment. (you know when you really see urself and say WTH). I just gave up personally...might not be right but my god (get off the couch)...how does that sayn go..."you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink it"...take care of urself first and foremost...hopefuly he (and mine) may come around in time...sorry im invented...i digress

    Another thing is my SO does see how out of shape he is. He'll look at himself and say things like "I need to lose this beer belly." or "I am getting fat." I don't criticize him about his weight, I really try to encourage him to live a better lifestyle.
  • PLUMSGRL
    PLUMSGRL Posts: 1,134 Member
    hmmm, so you have a child together and he (your SO) has been diagnosed with kidney disease. Google dialysis and show him what he's moving towards. Then how about having him make out a will and discuss life insurance with him?
    Sometimes guys just need a big sledgehammer to get with the program!

    edit to say: if you do the shopping and cooking you do have quiet a bit of control with both of your diets. Switch to a lower calorie beer and only have a six pack in the house instead of a case.
    But above all, take care of you even if he isn't willing. Both of you should check out the group:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/3834-eat-more-to-weigh-less

    here's a synopses:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/lillebanon/view/my-take-on-eating-more-to-weigh-less-254554

    best wishes to the both of you!
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    NO, YOU do not get it...GOOD HEALTH is an Individual Journey, no matter how you see it. Get YOU Together and he MAY follow. I think you are not making Your Journey because it is easier for You to focus on him and blame him for YOUR failure. Your Health and Well-Being is Yours and Yours ALONE.
  • frogz21
    frogz21 Posts: 314
    hmmm, so you have a child together and he (your SO) has been diagnosed with kidney disease. Google dialysis and show him what he's moving towards. Then how about having him make out a will and discuss life insurance with him?
    Sometimes guys just need a big sledgehammer to get with the program!

    He knows he is putting his health in jeopardy, he seems to be in denial. I think he thinks nothing will happen to him with his disease and doesn't even take his medication. I have tried talking to him, but he doesn't take me serious. I feel like giving up on trying to get through to him.
  • frogz21
    frogz21 Posts: 314
    NO, YOU do not get it...GOOD HEALTH is an Individual Journey, no matter how you see it. Get YOU Together and he MAY follow. I think you are not making Your Journey because it is easier for You to focus on him and blame him for YOUR failure. Your Health and Well-Being is Yours and Yours ALONE.

    Yeah, I agree. I do think I focus on him a little too much to even focus on myself. I just care and I tend to put him before myself and my needs.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    hmmm, so you have a child together and he (your SO) has been diagnosed with kidney disease. Google dialysis and show him what he's moving towards. Then how about having him make out a will and discuss life insurance with him?
    Sometimes guys just need a big sledgehammer to get with the program!


    YEA! actually do this^^^, THEN you GET Moving towards GOOD HEALTH. REALITY, you can show him the Path but you Can NOT force him down the road. So be prepared, In Real Life!
  • Beethoven1827
    Beethoven1827 Posts: 102 Member
    I'm afraid there's not much you can do for your SO. It's a decision that everyone has to make for themselves. As other posters have said, if you do the shopping you can make sure you don't buy certain things - but you can't stop him going and getting them for himself. You can choose to exercise, but you can't make him join in. It looks like you have to get used to doing this on your own, and just have to hope that at some point sooner rather than later he makes the lifestyle decision for himself.

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