eating myself to death :(

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waterlibby
waterlibby Posts: 30 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been do depressed on and off for about a month now. It is awful!

Some days, I do well with eating, exercising, tracking my food, and drinking my water, and then other days...not so good, and some days are just plain disturbing..

Yesterday for instance... I ate a piece of veggie sausage for breakfast (good start) , I went to the Y and worked my butt off in water aerobics ( WOOHOO!), I drank 3 glasses of water by noon :). I was feeling VERY low yesterday, Bad thoughts were running through my head all day long. Tears were falling on and off, Just feeling sorry for myself.

I went ahead and made dinner for lunch. Whole wheat pasta, chicken breast, couple of table spoons of sun-dried tomato/olive oil, and a block of cream cheese (bad, I know). I made Grands flaky biscuits to go with. This Pasta was split into 4 1/2 serving. I had 1 serving at lunch and another at dinner with th family (although we did not eat together). I also had 1 biscuit with each meal. The only veggies were the red, yellow , and green peppers that I added to the pasta, maybe 1/3 cup in each serving. Not to bad 9except the lack of veggies), I guess. But then, we made sugar cookies and I ate like 7 of them! Then I made popcorn and ate the whole bag!

The night before, I ate even more! Just binged!

I am huge! I am wondering if I am trying to kill myself with food? So is this how I will die? Food? Heart disease, diabetes, all caused by my over eating? Why do I punish myself so?

Replies

  • JWruns
    JWruns Posts: 18 Member
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    Don't give up!! The fact that you're even on this website at posting that shows that you care about your body, your health, and your life. It's okay to enjoy some of your favorite things, but just modify them a little. That pasta dinner you made sounds great- maybe next time you can leave out the cream cheese and add just a little crumbled feta instead. And you can nix the biscuits.
    Nothing wrong with a popcorn snack, just be sure to only buy low fat kinds.

    Have you talked to your family about helping you focus? Maybe if they were all on board with you, it'd be easier. For example, if nobody suggested making cookies, it wouldn't have happened. Something I do is make sure when I buy food for my house, I only let in healthy stuff. Go through your kitchen and purge all the unhealthy temptations. If they're not there, you can't eat them.

    You can do it!!! Stay strong! :)
  • lors624
    lors624 Posts: 30
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    I struggle with depression and OCD and like to eat when I am emotional or bored. So, I understand where you are coming from - I really do.

    I recently read "Eat Your Way To Happiness." It talks about food and how certain foods literally affect your brain. I have been implementing the teachings of the book along with this website and have had a good amount of success over the past 6 weeks (13 pounds).

    Another strategy I have been using since the beginning of 2010 is to set small monthly goals instead of constantly measuring myself against the big picture. I have about 20 things I am trying to change in myself this year. It has always been overwhelming for me, but now that I am focusing on only 1 or 2 at a time until they become part of my regular life (basically something adds each month), I feel much better about my progress and myself.

    Hang in there! You can do it! You are not alone!
  • lulabellewoowoo
    lulabellewoowoo Posts: 3,125 Member
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    Have you seen a doctor about possibly some medication? I use Wellbutrin which surprisingly enough gives me energy and helps to curb my appetite a wee little bit ... or is just improving my mood so i don't have to eat.

    The other thing I have to do is NOT make things that I know I can't control myself. In the end, my family doesn't miss out either. I buy ice cream that I don't like. But most of the time, I make healthy desserts with them with fresh fruit or strawberry shortcake and put them in single servings and put the rest away.

    It is very hard when we are depressed to see the up side of things. But hang in there. You had a great beginning to your day all the way through dinner, that's awesome. Maybe it's the late night snacking that you have problems with like me, and we have a group for that call "no late night junk snacking" if you'd like to join for the encouragement.

    Hang in there. You are capable of doing great things. Awesome job on the exercise too. That will always help.
  • doshie1
    doshie1 Posts: 19
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    ok girl....everyone has been there, a bad day, an ok day, a great day....everyone has those days and i mean everyone! and it's ok to have those days...but you can't let those days turn into weeks and months and years...that is how we got where we are in the first place. :sad:

    BUT, everyday is a new day, everyday can be a new and fresh start...remember learning to eat right, exercise right and put yourself in a good mental state is a journey, it is not a sprint.

    you are beating yourself up because you over ate and you ate something that might not have been the greatest choice,,,stop it, don't do it...the important thing is you recognize what happened and you can try to not let it happen again...it's ok to have a bad day, but pick yourself up, dust off and move forward.

    Stop beating yourself up and like the post from jwruns said "the fact that you're even on this website posting shows that you care..." love yourself and stand up and feel proud that you are working at it....and keep working at it :bigsmile: you CAN do this!
  • lt_mrcook
    lt_mrcook Posts: 389 Member
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    First off you are good and you deserve better for yourself! Second, everyone falls but you only FAIL if you stay down. Third, it may be tempting but turn to medication only as a last resort.

    If you are only eating one veggie sausage for breakfast that is not nearly enough. Spread your calories as evenly as possible throughout the day, the smaller more frequent meals the better. Be sure to include carbs, fats, proteins, and fiber in EVERY meal. This will make you feel full and stabilizeyou blood sugar. Whcih leads to...

    It sounds like you may be crashing your blood sugar, which brings on the uncontrolled emotions (my wife and youngest daughter get REALLY cranky when this happens) and then once you do get something into your blood stream your body wants everything it should have had all day long. What you want to do here is change your lifestyle, not just deprive yourself of things until you quit. Don't think that eating fewer calories means eating less. Look to more veggies and natural foods. Be sure to get enough (and even extra) water to flush your system.

    Pay extra close attention to how you feel after you eat your food. If you eat anything processed, be even more aware of how eating it affects your mental state. High Fructose Corn Syrup has been shown to increase cravings and you will eat when you're not hungry. Artificial sweeteners can have the same effect, and can also agrevate certain neurological disorders. But even with natural foods, try to notice if anything triggers a response. You may have a food intollerance or even allergy, but instead of it causing an anaphlactic response (can't breath, throat swelling) like my Sister-in-Law gets with Eggs/Onion/Garlic, it may produce a psychotic response where it affecets your mental state (my oldest daughter becomes very violent with any citrius, then throws up, and sleeps for a few hours).

    Food is fuel. If you think about "How much fuel does my body need for the next 3-4 hours?" and add that much fuel, you get a nice small balanced meal. You don't pull up to the gas station and fill up your tank, and then keep pumping fuel into the trunk, and back seats, and glove compartment do you? Get the fuel you need, and then leave the gas station...ok?

    I wish you all the best of luck with your journey. It will be tough, but you are stronger. If it were easy the pounds would come off as quickly as they went on. God bless.

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