Major confession
Wonkermann
Posts: 14
Ok, so I generally just read the forums rather than post anything, but I have a confession and I will feel better if i get it out. yes, this is about me easing my guilt by offloading the dirt...
I'm sure my mother loves me, but she has always does her best to derail my diets. I would go on a diet and the next day she would shove cake in my face. when i lived at home, she would become hostile if i turned down food. i've lost about 40lbs in the past few months. my bodyfat is 36% and I'm still 9lbs or so away from a healthy BMI, but for the last 2 months all i've had is her telling me how i look 'gaunt' and 'ill'.
now i know that im not any of those things, and thats why the comments hurt. they are emphatically not true, and it just hurts that my mother wants me to be obese and unhappy and will try to derail me in this way. i dont know why she does it, and probably she doesn't know either, but I got to the point where I'd had enough. I hadn't been to my mother's house for 3 weeks. we hadn't had a row, but i had got sick of the comments and just wanted to get on with losing weight.
When I showed up on saturday, she told me she was also on a diet and had lost 5lbs. on monday i turned up again... with a tin of welsh cakes (i've added a pics for those who don't know what they are). she told me on the phone tonight she doesn't feel like dieting and will 'start on monday'. in other words, i derailed her diet.
yes, i know. i already feel really sad about it.
I'm sure my mother loves me, but she has always does her best to derail my diets. I would go on a diet and the next day she would shove cake in my face. when i lived at home, she would become hostile if i turned down food. i've lost about 40lbs in the past few months. my bodyfat is 36% and I'm still 9lbs or so away from a healthy BMI, but for the last 2 months all i've had is her telling me how i look 'gaunt' and 'ill'.
now i know that im not any of those things, and thats why the comments hurt. they are emphatically not true, and it just hurts that my mother wants me to be obese and unhappy and will try to derail me in this way. i dont know why she does it, and probably she doesn't know either, but I got to the point where I'd had enough. I hadn't been to my mother's house for 3 weeks. we hadn't had a row, but i had got sick of the comments and just wanted to get on with losing weight.
When I showed up on saturday, she told me she was also on a diet and had lost 5lbs. on monday i turned up again... with a tin of welsh cakes (i've added a pics for those who don't know what they are). she told me on the phone tonight she doesn't feel like dieting and will 'start on monday'. in other words, i derailed her diet.
yes, i know. i already feel really sad about it.
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Replies
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I'm sure my mother loves me, but she has always does her best to derail my diets.
You're not alone, Mothers do this. I don't know why but it's common practice as other threads on here have shown
I'm sure my mum would have the same expression if I said that I was "Just going out to burn down an orphange" as when I tell her I'm off out the gym again0 -
I totally get where your coming from, but now you are just as much of a hater as she is........ If she derails you, avoid her, but try to help her when she's ready!!!! MUUUUCH better to have mamma in your corner as a weightloss buddy, and not someone you are battling with!0
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It happens we all at some point do something we regret. The fact that you see it and feel bad about it speaks far more about you than he fact that you did it. Forgive yourself and vow not to doit again. Maybe do something nice for her. It is a mother daughter kind of thing.0
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mine hasnt.. I live at home and my mum is prett good about it.. says in fact she's proud ive lost the weight and getting fitter.. Plus I'm doing 60% of the cooking0
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Don't feel bad. I saw my mother Sunday. 3 times in five hours she told me I look ABSOLUTELY terrible. Not terrible, but ABSOLUTELY terrible.
After she said it the third time, I asked her WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? She said she was joking. I said, it wasn't funny the first two times you said it, why would you think the third time would be funny?
Then I had to walk away, because I was about to explode.0 -
I have never heard of Welsh Cakes, but now thanks to the pictures my monitor looks like the metaphorical version of the surfboard with the shark bite out of it. They look delicious!!0
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I can very much relate to this,
I've moved in with my nan when my son was born because it was a mutually accommodating situation
And even though she knows I need to lose weight it's like she gets really bitter about it and snaps at me for eating healthy or getting in the exercise bike saying nasty things and 'haven't you done enough if that already' when I've only been on it 5 minutes.
She's completely deluded about nutrition, thinks that you could eat a whole block of chocolate and a leisure stroll around the block would burn it off,
She's always buying crap an filling te kitchen up with it like biscuits and chocolate and icecream and really unhealthy stuff when I'm the one who does te groceries and cooks dinner every night anyway an there's just no need.
Sometimes she gets really nasty about things even tiny things like the fact that I want to have a bowl of healthy soup instead of some aweful takeaway.
It's really hard to live with someone so discouraging but I think it's just because she's bitter that I'm making an effort and doing well and she can't do it and has no will power.0 -
Hey thanks guys. I don't really deserve sympathy, but I'm happy that people do understand where i was coming from. when i get these comments from her, it makes me so angry.
i will be making it up to her in some way that doesn't involve food, and i guess i will just have to put up with the comments. maybe, in time, she will realise that she is just wrong and will accept the new healthy me.0 -
I have never heard of Welsh Cakes, but now thanks to the pictures my monitor looks like the metaphorical version of the surfboard with the shark bite out of it. They look delicious!!
Tread very carefully with welsh cakes. not only do they taste good, but they have that 'once you pop you can't stop' quality to them. i think they are also known as 'welsh cookies' in the US, although i didn't think they were popular so i added the pics.0 -
Don't feel bad. I saw my mother Sunday. 3 times in five hours she told me I look ABSOLUTELY terrible. Not terrible, but ABSOLUTELY terrible.
After she said it the third time, I asked her WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? She said she was joking. I said, it wasn't funny the first two times you said it, why would you think the third time would be funny?
Then I had to walk away, because I was about to explode.
i'm right with you on this one. you've just described my standard home visit. i dont think for a second that my mother doesn't love me, but it feels so cruel and vindictive.0 -
i've been there and experienced a bit of it. both through looking in the mirror and by looking at the stats i know im healthy, so i just ignore the comments now. it does annoy me that someone in my family would try to sabotage my diet in such a way, but im not so bothered by it these days.
like the OP, i don't know why these comments are made but somehow i don't think there's any malice in it.0 -
My grandmother was from Newcastle Upon Tyne and she called them scones.0
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And we still make them and yes they are yummy.0
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Yummy Welsh Cakes aka scones. They just don't make them right this side of the pond. My sister lives in London and so when I visit its scones, shepherds pie, beef and ale pies etc. I miss it so much. The best part is I do so much walking that I still manage to drop a few pounds. I miss having tea at Hatchards off Piccadilly. I miss that little pub by Holborn. I miss the curry houses by ald gate east. I miss the Camden. I miss the fresh fruit sold at Covent Garden. I miss that Chinese/Indian place by my sisters in Tooting Broadway.0
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Well I much as I want to I'm not going to harp on about the difference between welsh cakes n scones! (similar but not the same thing people!!!)
But can I just say your confession is very ' an eye for an eye '!!! Instead of support you made a very calculated attack, your mom ( despite her poor communication skills) looked at your success and either for her health or in a bid to seek common ground with you reached out. You knew how much it hurt understood the ramifications and took glee in her failure. Maybe you should apologise to her, maybe that was her one and only attempt to lose and now her confidence is shattered.
No one wants to be fat, but not everyone has the courage to change, you gave that courage And i totally respect that i just hope she still does too.0 -
Yummy Welsh Cakes aka scones. They just don't make them right this side of the pond. My sister lives in London and so when I visit its scones, shepherds pie, beef and ale pies etc. I miss it so much. The best part is I do so much walking that I still manage to drop a few pounds. I miss having tea at Hatchards off Piccadilly. I miss that little pub by Holborn. I miss the curry houses by ald gate east. I miss the Camden. I miss the fresh fruit sold at Covent Garden. I miss that Chinese/Indian place by my sisters in Tooting Broadway.
Do you miss your sister too?
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Speaking as a monther, sometimes, it may be just a comfort thing. Pre-MFP, re-educating myself regarding nutrition and excercise, and becoming a label reader, I would always buy the "un-healthy" foods my daughter loved when she was growing up. I was not trying to tempt her or sabotage her healthy eating, just trying to show my love for her by purchasing the foods she loved. I did not understand, and her being the person she is never said a word. She just ate a small portion, and when she left, I would finish it all
Now, I understand. Being an unhealthy role model for my child growing up is a huge regret of mine. I am ashamed and embarrassed that I failed her in teaching her to be healthy. She got good genes from her father, and chose the health care field for her career.
My situation is different than this one, as my daughter is very healthy and not in the least overweight. In fact, she is running her first marathon on October 7th. Ours is a case of the daughter teaching the mother. As in many life experiences, communication and education is the key.
This subject gives the opportunity to show that what we may consider an offer of food, that may be meant to show comfort or love, can affect our, loved ones that are trying to become healthier.0 -
yes, we have scones in Wales as well. Welsh cakes & scones are similar, but not the same thing. both are deadly though!0
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