what made you do it?

I was depressed about the idea of death to the point I was a living zombie. I did nothing but eat and lay down and be on my computer because I couldn't gather the will to live whenever I thought about death. But before that, I don't know, I was just plain lazy. I made it to around 275 pounds off pure laziness, then to at my peak of 366 after a suicide attempt and the deep depression I mentioned. I was mentally checked out.

Then now at a ripe age of only 16, I noticed my life was coming, and that I wanted to try to live because I might aswell, but I couldn't gather myself to. A bad situation. One night I sat down and decided to watch the biggest loser. My weight plays a giant role in my life because it made me who I am, but I continually denied that if I had a better life I'd still not have the will to live. I don't know what it's like to not be fat.

So yeah, one night I sat down, and watched the biggest loser. The whole first season in 1 night. the sun set and rose, and I was pumped up. I just started working out for the first time in months because I was encouraged, I still had the depressed thoughts in my head, and I still have them today, but instead of holding back on life because of them, I just live. I don't know why I changed, but I'm so happy. I hope this is the time it actually sticks.

I now have the will to live, and I'm hoping I can finally learn how to drive, get a job, and do the things I want to. I always told myself I didn't want to live the whole "american-dream sequence" but now I see that I do, for it's human nature. Perhaps I was just depressed.

Either way, I'm happier then I've ever been. I can't live like this, I'm at the point this is my final chance because I'm not a fat person on the inside and I don't want to be scared to move on and be independent in the years that come, being weighed down by myself on the outside.

I got on the scale, almost 2 years ago, and realized just how heavy I was. I joined Sparkpeople.com, started working out, eating healthier...and was within 3 pounds of my goal weight (125, heavy side of healthy, but still healthy)....then I found out I was pregnant. I had her July, 2011 and never really got back into the swing of things. Then, a few months ago, I decided it was time.....and managed to lose probably 10 pounds, before finding out I was pregnant, again!

This time, I'm hoping to establish some good habits that will continue after child birth. No more kiddos for me, so I've decided it's now my time. I have the resources at my fingertips. The only thing that will be holding me back will be myself. I'm trying to at least walk regularly, if I do no other physical activities.

l started at 226 lbs, and Im only 23. I have two kids that I didnt want to teach bad habits to first off. Then I arted to get heartattack symptoms occassionally, left arm felt dead, things like that. But sadly, what tipped my bucket over and got me started and completely motivated was when I saw a picture of my husband and I at a church function. He weighs around 160, and Ive always been bigger then him, but dang I looked like I could eat him in the picture. I was so embarrassed, he looked so handsome and I looked like I was his fat cousin or something.....