My husband is cheating...

sueblue77
sueblue77 Posts: 54 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
...on his diet. We started Atkins together early this summer, and he was doing great! He'd lost more than 25 pounds, and his energy level was much higher. He has an aversion to the scale, so I've only got him to weigh a few times, but he really slimmed down.
Now I'm pretty sure he's put almost all of it back on. I've added more carbs to my diet and I'm watching calories more instead. I'm cooking healthy. I'm not buying sweets or junk. What are some other ways to encourage him gently? How do I light a fire under him again? And it's not for me, really. I love him and I am attracted to him the way he is, but he wants to be thinner, he just doesn't know how, I don't think. It would also be easier on his bad knee if he was lighter. MFP isn't the answer for him, because he's not going to log his food, and there is no way I can keep up with it. Any ideas here?
As for fitness, he walks a couple of days, or sometimes everyday of the workweek delivering mail, many miles a day. Otherwise, he's not interested in fitness. But he gets lots of activity from work and farm chores. He's not the gym type.
What I'm asking is there a diet program that I may not know about, that might work good for him. He took right to Atkins, but I don't think he wants to go back on induction and try that again. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Replies

  • GauchoMark
    GauchoMark Posts: 1,804 Member
    not trying to be doom and gloom, but my opinion:

    Take care of yourself and don't worry about what he is doing. If he doesn't want to lose weight, there is nothing you can say to him that will make him change his mind. It is hard enough to accomplish even when YOU want to do it, so someone else wanting you to isn't going to give you the drive to be successful. Maybe if you meet your goals, he will see what you did and how you did it and use you as a role model. Just worry about you for now.

    On a side note - even if MFP isn't the tool, he will probably never be successful if he doesn't track his food intake somehow. I used to even carry around a pad of paper to write things down (in the dark ages before smartphones!)
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,855 Member
    not trying to be doom and gloom, but my opinion:

    Take care of yourself and don't worry about what he is doing. If he doesn't want to lose weight, there is nothing you can say to him that will make him change his mind.

    That's what I'm thinking. No one motivated me to lose weight, I had to be mentally ready and talking to me about it did harm and no good.
  • GauchoMark
    GauchoMark Posts: 1,804 Member
    also, I think most people that have lost a decent amount of weight on this board and kept it off will not have much good to say about "diet programs". MFP is all about changing your lifestyle - not just going on a diet for 3 months, hitting your goal, then going back to the habits that made you overweight the first time.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    I think maybe getting away from the idea of a "program" might help. (hehe oops, ditto above) Just encourage him to eat healthier, read lablels and cut down on his portions and that should get him started. There's only so much control you can have... My Hubs isn't that great on his diet either because he's on the road all day and tends to grab whatever's convenient (junk) and only eats twice a day so he's starving by dinner and tends to stuff himself. Reading labels does help when he remembers to do it because it made him realize some of the snacks he was having were really bad for him. I've tried talking to him about eating smaller meals through the day, packing lunches and snacks, etc but he's very set in his ways and still believes that eating less is the way to lose weight even though he sees me having success doing the opposite.

    I'll tell you one other thing - if he ever DARED to talk to me about my diet before, I would've been really ticked off!! Even coming from a place of love and wanting to help, it's a very delicate subject to discuss without hurting feelings and/or making someone self conscious. If he asks for help, give it. Otherwise, let it be.

    ETA: it's hard to give specific advice not knowing how he eats but you could also remind him that liquid caloies add up quickly. If he drinks regular beer, soda, juice or even some of those power drinks, he could be taking in a lot of extra calories and sugar. Encourage him to cut down or at least switch to light/diet.
  • JessyJ03
    JessyJ03 Posts: 627 Member
    Just forget the program idea and tell him to eat less. If he eats less he will lose weight. He doesn't have to exercise to lose weight (though it will help with overall health and appearance).

    All in all he has to be ready. If he's not you can't force him to continue.
  • sueblue77
    sueblue77 Posts: 54 Member
    Thanks for the replies. I agree too that it has to be a lifestyle change, but I'm still relatively new to this and I haven't wrapped my mind around that yet. Getting there quickly though. I'm racking my brain, hoping that I haven't said or done anything insensitive to him. I don't want to make him self conscious.

    GauchoMark gave me an idea though, and that's what I was looking for with this post. Maybe if I suggested he write down everything in the day, just for a day or two initially, then it would make him more aware of his consumption. He's commented several times through the years that writing down your intake makes sense. Hmmm. One good thing about his dieting experience this summer: He has cut out most of the liquid calories. He now drinks very little beer, no full flavored sodas, no energy drinks, and when he does have a sports drink, he opts for Powerade zero.

    Okay, so he just weighed (on his own, I didn't ask). He's still down 18. Maybe I should just let the man be!
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Well good for him!. I like the idea of reminding him that he mentioned jotting down his food.
  • coffeerunner
    coffeerunner Posts: 26 Member
    The way I look at it, be the example -- not the nagging wife. It's up to him to choose to eat what he wants.
  • debjae
    debjae Posts: 242
    Everyone has to motivate themselves first.
  • KIMBAILEYWILLIAMSON
    KIMBAILEYWILLIAMSON Posts: 258 Member
    not trying to be doom and gloom, but my opinion:

    Take care of yourself and don't worry about what he is doing. If he doesn't want to lose weight, there is nothing you can say to him that will make him change his mind. It is hard enough to accomplish even when YOU want to do it, so someone else wanting you to isn't going to give you the drive to be successful. Maybe if you meet your goals, he will see what you did and how you did it and use you as a role model. Just worry about you for now.

    On a side note - even if MFP isn't the tool, he will probably never be successful if he doesn't track his food intake somehow. I used to even carry around a pad of paper to write things down (in the dark ages before smartphones!)





    ^^^ Agree (I don't have a smartphone so I do the same thing write things down, I found it has really helped me)
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
    He might have to hear it from his doctor. For whatever reason, we tend to dismiss the concerns of those closest to us as they are just being a worry-wart. When someone you are paying is telling you that you need to change something your are doing, then we tend to sit up and take notice.
  • Mrbusterb
    Mrbusterb Posts: 114
    The way I look at it, be the example -- not the nagging wife. It's up to him to choose to eat what he wants.
    I agree you set the pace and see if he follows
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    also, I think most people that have lost a decent amount of weight on this board and kept it off will not have much good to say about "diet programs". MFP is all about changing your lifestyle - not just going on a diet for 3 months, hitting your goal, then going back to the habits that made you overweight the first time.

    I agree with everything he has said so far.

    Also, I agree with the person who said that you should be the example, not the nagging wife. I was 6 months into a healthier lifestyle before my husband ever decided to get on board. He won't track his food, but is eating more of the healthy stuff around the house, taking his lunch to work, and not eating fast food or drinking soda. He is also exercising regularly. These were all HIS choices. I didn't say one word to him about it - just led by example. That's the best route to take. It has to click for him, just like it has to click for you.
  • miracle4me
    miracle4me Posts: 522 Member
    not trying to be doom and gloom, but my opinion:

    Take care of yourself and don't worry about what he is doing. If he doesn't want to lose weight, there is nothing you can say to him that will make him change his mind.

    That's what I'm thinking. No one motivated me to lose weight, I had to be mentally ready and talking to me about it did harm and no good.

    This ^^^^^^
    What the poster says above I agree with. No one could motivate me to lose weight and not give up because of health issues until mentally I had enough and I am not losing weight for anyone but myself. He has to really want to change his eating program and not just look it as a diet as now he lost weight and can eat what he wants. Diets will never work they are temp at the best.
  • Jill_newimprovedversion
    Jill_newimprovedversion Posts: 988 Member
    Maybe if I suggested he write down everything in the day, just for a day or two initially, then it would make him more aware of his consumption. He's commented several times through the years that writing down your intake makes sense.

    IF it helps with analogies-( to share with your husband), liken your journey and the food & exercise diary ( keeping track of your intake/outtake- exercise)
    to keeping track of your finances w/ a checkbook register.
    Who doesn't find that ESSENTIAL?


    Stay strong on your journey, and just keep encouraging him. The VISIBLE results of your own success, and INcreased energy levels and self- esteem will speak VOLUMES for how a NEW lifestyle change is not only *do-able* but
    one you want to simply to have MORE time on this earth w/ those you love!
  • beattie1
    beattie1 Posts: 1,012 Member
    not trying to be doom and gloom, but my opinion:

    Take care of yourself and don't worry about what he is doing. If he doesn't want to lose weight, there is nothing you can say to him that will make him change his mind.

    That's what I'm thinking. No one motivated me to lose weight, I had to be mentally ready and talking to me about it did harm and no good.

    I'm afraid this is the truth. All you can do is be a great example and hope that he catches on. You can serve healthy food at home, but I assume he eats at work and can stock up on "goodies" any time he wants, more or less. So it's up to him.

    You could have a chat about how you'd like to continue to share many happy healthy years together and hope that you can motivate him this way, there isn't any other that I know of - signed, "A life-long fatty"
  • beattie1
    beattie1 Posts: 1,012 Member
    Thanks for the replies. I agree too that it has to be a lifestyle change, but I'm still relatively new to this and I haven't wrapped my mind around that yet. Getting there quickly though. I'm racking my brain, hoping that I haven't said or done anything insensitive to him. I don't want to make him self conscious.
    (Edited to shorten)
    Okay, so he just weighed (on his own, I didn't ask). He's still down 18. Maybe I should just let the man be!

    That's great news - and men find it MUCH easier to lose than women do - I was dieting with my son for a while - he's done & dusted & I'm still here!
  • LivingInPuglia
    LivingInPuglia Posts: 122 Member
    it's his problem... you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink.. Keep your life style healthy, don't have junk food in the house ... lead by example ... but at the end of the day you can only take care of yourself. good luck

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