I'm ready to give up.

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dominique2118
dominique2118 Posts: 18
in Motivation and Support
Hello friends. I am 5'4, and I currently weigh approx. 168 lbs. I was down to 160, but I stopped tracking and gained 8lbs. I am completely frustrated at myself. I have never weighed below 159 since high school, and I just feel that my hs weight is unrealistic. I run often (no more than 3 miles at a time at a 4.0-5.0 pace on treadmill and outside). Here are my big issues in a nutshell:
1. I am an all or nothing gal. Sucks, but it's truth. If I mess up some in the day, it throws my entire attitude off.
2. Exercise is a huge thing in my life. Running is my therapy. I cannot for the life of me get up in the mornings often to run (which lead to better food choices for me).
3. Everyone around me attempting to adopt healthy habits are "slacking off" as of lately - not that it's my problem, but I feel myself falling into their attitudes.

I woke up this week with a great attitude, ready to tackle my weight loss/healthy lifestyle again after a horrible weekend of eating. The first day, was faced with a bad choice, took that choices, and then went hog wild with other crap in my body because it already "messed up my day". Ugh.

Just a random rant. I'm in tears. I want to get down to 135-140, and I know with my current habits, i'm not going to get there. I know people say "just change, you just have to do it" and i'm not sure how. MFP has me at 1200 calories even. I do eat back my workout calories (that I track on my garmin forerunner, seems to be lower/more accurate than MFP). Please tell me i'm not the only one in this boat?
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Replies

  • salcha76
    salcha76 Posts: 287 Member
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    Take a breath. It's ok.
    Google positive affirmations. Give yourself a mission statement. Believe in yourself. Look inside. Is food a bandaid? When you have a fall off the wagon day, don't hang out & have a party....pick yourself back up & tackle the next day. Food is in our heads. We only need so much to fuel our bodies, the rest is done for mental satisfaction for some twisted reason. No more tears.
    Switch up the running, try swimming, it's peaceful & good for you soul....same with yoga or pilates.
    No more tears....smile & start over, keep your ball rolling up hill....when it gets knocked off track, put it back on. If you are an all or nothing type of gal.....focus & drive, you can do it, believe in yourself!
  • Whiskybelly
    Whiskybelly Posts: 197 Member
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    The important thing is that you're on here talking about it instead of just vanishing.

    You need to ask yourself one question; why do you want to lose weight? Write down five answers and read them everytime you start feeling lost. You need to keep reminding yourself why you want to do this; you can't get complacent. This is for you in six months time, and the rest of your life.
  • Stephanie08
    Stephanie08 Posts: 1,023 Member
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    You sound a lot like me "all or nothing". I keep getting so close to under 200 lbs, and then BANG like some weird thing clicks in my head and I'm completely off track and find myself up 10-12 lbs, starting all over again.

    I just have to accept that this is a roller coaster ride for me, and that one day I will get to <200 and I feel it will be a turning point for me. But I haven't given up yet, I'm still trying, again.

    I feel your pain, I hope you keep trying :)
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    I'm sort of an all or nothing sort of person with projects. I don't want to start a project if I can't do it all in one sitting and be done. Unfortunately a lot of things in life don't work that way. So, you have to break it down and not see the big picture, break it down into small parts that you can and do achieve daily.

    So, because you missed a workout, that's okay, don't beat yourself up and give up the entire day. Still try to make good food choices. If you don't make perfect choice, that's okay, try again tomorrow. If you miss a morning workout, try to squeeze something else in later in the day, even if it is not a full run. Do a 30 minute video on Youtube. You will feel better.

    It's not going to happen over night, only with patience and persistence. I had to get to a point where I didn't want to start over again. I'm sick of the yo-yo. So that means I have to try every day. And if it's not perfect that is okay, but it is better than giving up.
  • brendacs21
    brendacs21 Posts: 180 Member
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    youve just described me! I started over once again on monday. I normally mess up on the weekends but this weekend i have a plan. And i promised myself that for 1 weekend i would stay on track and see how i felt, and get on that scale monday and not be disappointed. I told myself that if i did EVERYTHING right i have to see results. I also made another promise like i did last year. This year i will not gain weight during the holiday season.
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
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    Who is saying "just change, you just need to do it?" That is stupid advice imho.

    First off, you need an attitude make over. You say you're an all-or-nothing gal. FIRST THING - That's gotta go! You gotta get into the mindset of NO MATTER HOW SLOW YOU'RE GOING, YOU'RE STILL LAPPING THE PEOPLE ON THE COUCH!!!

    No matter what amount of working out you do, no matter how small the good eating decisions you make are - IT'S BETTER THAN NOTHING. You have to be proud of the little things, and KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE.

    NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!!!

    Second - Have you tried lifting? Because lifting is super fun. Gotta change it up! Change is good!

    Third - I never endorse a low-calorie diet. Maybe look into Eat More To Weigh Less? I haven't tried it yet but I've heard good things. :)

    But MOST OF ALL!!!! STAY POSITIVE!!! You can do it, girl!!!! <3<3<3 ^_^
  • dominique2118
    dominique2118 Posts: 18
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    Thank you all for the positive support - I definitely need to change my attitude, and I appreciate all of your advise. I've gotten (and read) a lot of responses to myself and others saying that I need to just do it. That i'll hit a breaking point and just do it. I appreciate each and every one of you, and truly appreciate people taking the time out to reply to me.

    Thank you.
  • 2hobbit1
    2hobbit1 Posts: 820 Member
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    try the roadmap - find out if your targets are too low - its hard to stay on track if your calories are too low- less is not always more when it comes to weight loss. You have to be able to make this work for the long run. A smaller cut may make the journey a little longer but you will still get there.

    Also if your having trouble - just try keeping close to your target. Don't worry about clean and healthy for now - just fit it in. So if your breakfast is 2 slices of pizza - flex your lunch and dinner to fit. I do that all the time - it helps if nothing is off limits.
    Just know that some days your sodium will be through the roof and you will hold water weight for a few days after but it is not true weight.
    Work on finding/changing one meal at a time - not the whole shebang at once - when you find a few options that work for bfast then do the same for lunch - eventually do the same for dinner. Small steps/changes can be sustained over time.

    Hang in there you will get there!

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12
  • UG77
    UG77 Posts: 206 Member
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    Something that has worked for me in the past:

    I have to avoid focusing on the weight change. The gratification is measured in terms that are too long (time wise) for me to appreciate. Instead I focus on my fitness/health. One thing I've done in the past is to pretend I'm training for a sporting event/activity, and set that as my goal. If you like to run I recommend using that as your starting point. Find some local 5k races you can participate in. The great thing about running is every time you lace up your shoes and hit the trail you're in a race against yourself the last time you ran. If you focus on the training and getting better running times you will get gratification in the form of improvements you can see/feel/quantify weekly. It may help you slip below your target weight without even noticing.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    For that "all or nothing" approach, that's hard to fight: it's a part of who you are.

    What you need to try and do is retrain it.

    Be "all or nothing" about smaller goals.

    Instead of being, "ugh, I couldn't get myself to fun this morning... I just won't do any cardio," focus on a, "Well, if I can just do extra cleaning/extra walking at lunch, I'm good."
    Instead of eating that slice of cake and going, "****, I ruined my diet. Might as well stuff my face," think, "Well, let's see if I can limit it to JUST ONE. All or nothing!"

    I get the all or nothing approach; like someone else said, I feel that way specifically about home projects. I have greatly retooled my mind in just being "all or nothing" about MUCH smaller goals. Focus on losing smaller amounts of weight, doing lesser amounts of calories, etc... than gradually go "bigger." That way, if you're "all or nothing," you're more likely to get back on track because it's much easier to think, "Hell, I ate 1300 instead of 1200 calories. That's only a cookie less tomorrow. I can do that."
  • jensfitpal2012
    jensfitpal2012 Posts: 145 Member
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    I agree,you haven't given up yet.YoU ARE TALKING ABT>IT.No one eats perfectly all the time,if they do it will only last for a short time,until they crash. My brother who is the healthiest and most fit person I know,eats healthy as a lifestyle,but when he wants to have a treat,or a down day.He does it,he doesn't overdo it,but he balances a healthy lifestyle with living alittle. What he does faithfully is exercise. Give yourself a down day,don't beat yourself up,but get back up and begin again as you were before the downtime.People that make this a lifestyle change,instead of a diet will lose and maintain. I had to learn this the hard way through many years of losing/gaining....Feel good you talked abt.it,treat yourself a little and love yourself alot,Good Luck!:)
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    Thank you all for the positive support - I definitely need to change my attitude, and I appreciate all of your advise. I've gotten (and read) a lot of responses to myself and others saying that I need to just do it. That i'll hit a breaking point and just do it. I appreciate each and every one of you, and truly appreciate people taking the time out to reply to me.

    Thank you.

    I sort of had to change my attitude so that "just do it" didn't mean doing everything perfectly all the time. But, the more I "just do it" on the little things, the more progress I'm seeing. It has been a process for me. I didn't just wake up one day and have a great eating plan and exercise plan. In fact it took me several months to realize that I was really going to have to exercise at all to reach my goal. And then it took me falling off the wagon several times to realize that it was harder to keep starting over than it is to "just do it" more regularly. Now I'm open to trying more exercising and trying different things, but when I started, I didn't even want to take a 30 minute walk. It did take awhile but now I'm to the point where I look forward to it. So, do whatever you can, and that is the building blocks so that you can do more and more.
  • wilsonpaige
    wilsonpaige Posts: 5
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    Don't give up! Take it one minute, one hour or one day at a time. Surround yourself with positive people. Find a support group. I'm in a group called First Place 4 Health. Google it and see if there is a group in your area. Being around people that are trying to get fit and healthy is a great motivator. I'm also reading a book called "Don't Quit Get Fit" by Vicki Heath. Good luck and don't quit!
  • sugarlips1980
    sugarlips1980 Posts: 361 Member
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    I've been an all or nothing person my whole life and I know it's why I'm overweight! I'd start off planning a severe calorie restricted day of salads and fruit and I'd put so much pressure on myself to eat perfectly clean I'd (naturally) cave in and pig out. And pig out BIG TIME I knew I had to start a severe calorie restriction diet the next day so I may as well have made the most of it. And the cycle would continue most days with me overeating and vowing to start my diet the next day. Sound familiar? My very slim colleague I used to sit next to used to have a banana and a small mars bar for lunch most days. It made me think...I'd never eat chocolate and fruit in the same day never mind the same meal! But that's why I'm overweight and he's not. Now I know when you're trying to lose weight you probably can't really eat a mars bar every day. But how about eat healthy and have a treat every third day? Yes you have to be a bit stricter than a normal maintenance diet. But too strict and your setting yourself up for a fall. I've only been on MFP for 3 weeks now but I'm really getting this now. I've cut back, eat healthy 90% of the time and eat pretty low in saturated fat. Exercised almost daily. But not starved myself and enjoyed a treat about twice a week. And lost 10 Ibs yay!
  • sarahsummers12
    sarahsummers12 Posts: 128 Member
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    I'm definitely the same - and all or nothing girl - and I get disheartened so easily if I work really hard for the week and don't have a great loss... and I'm the same with my eating - if I fall of the wagon I tend to get really down on myself and do all the negative talk about 'Stuff it - you failed anyway - just go feral" - I am trying really hard to move away from that negative frame of mind - but it is HARD. I have done it for sooooo long - it is not an instant fix. So I am trying now to look more at what I have done and reward myself like 'Well I ate more than I should have today, but atleast I exercised still - I'll do better tomorrow'. I still don't necessarily believe it 100% - but I am getting there. Leaves me feeling a little better about things anyway. But most of all hun, don't give up. You will only feel worse if you do that because it will take you further away from your goals. Try some new and different exercise to gain your interest again, look up some new yummy low cal recipes on the net to get you interested in good food again, set yourself a plan - and go for it! We all have bad days - but as long as you get back up and solider on and try harder - you are still winning :-D
  • LanaeCarol
    LanaeCarol Posts: 158 Member
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    NO MATTER HOW SLOW YOU'RE GOING, YOU'RE STILL LAPPING THE PEOPLE ON THE COUCH!!!


    But MOST OF ALL!!!! STAY POSITIVE!!! You can do it, girl!!!! <3<3<3 ^_^

    This is great. Attitude can make all the difference in the world.
  • MFPBONNIE
    MFPBONNIE Posts: 94 Member
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    You are receiving a lot of love from these responses! See, people care. If someone says to you "just do it", don't take it in a negative way, because however you decide to handle it, if you intend on continuing with your weight loss lifestyle, you are still going to have to "do it" right? Mighty supportive people answering you, good luck and love.
  • kellygirl324
    kellygirl324 Posts: 74 Member
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    Your stats are very close to mine, or what they used to be. And I was the same way...all or nothing. Affirming in advance that you will have bad days will help tremendously. In fact, try scheduling a few bad days. Seriously, it helps! Get through your scheduled bad day, and then plan to have a good day following that. Just allowing yourself that freedom will help in the biggest of ways! Try it! It worked for me!
  • MFPBONNIE
    MFPBONNIE Posts: 94 Member
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    Oh yes, I am 5-4 also, and I would definitely kiss the ground if I could weigh 168. to me, thats skinny
  • dominique2118
    dominique2118 Posts: 18
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    Thank you so much everyone!!! I've been suggested the "roadmap" - so I entered all my numbers, and according to it, i'm eating WAY under calories that MFP set - 1200. I did however eat back my calories when working out. The roadmap suggested by my BMR and TDEE (or something like that) that I need 1716 to lose weight (but not eat back exercise calories). Does this sound right? This honestly could be the key - because even the weeks I ate well on 1200 I did not see a great result (not even .5lb).

    Thanks for the love all!!! <3

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