Wrong way to tell someone this?

Today I told my little sister that her eating habits were concerning me and asked her if she was eating out of boredom or depression. This completely set her off and caused us to fight. I explained to her that I wasn't trying to be mean, that I was concerned that if she kept up her eating habits, she would have major health problems and that she stays in a bad mood lately, probably because of how she eats.
She has 6 pieces of toast & 2 bowls of cereal (immediately following the toast) - no joke. She eats a double cheeseburger at least 3 times a week. I really don't want her to become morbidly obese and have so many problems that she nearly dies.
Was there a better way of telling her this?

Replies

  • taylor5877
    taylor5877 Posts: 1,792 Member
    so do you see everything she eats or just at those specific times?

    I personally save my more lax meals for social situations is why I'm asking...so one would in no way be able to judge everything i ate by what they saw in public.
  • crazyellybean
    crazyellybean Posts: 999 Member
    Sometimes you just have to be 100% honest! I had to do the same with my sister!
  • KimWW
    KimWW Posts: 301 Member
    Sounds more like depression than boredom eating. I would get bored eating so much.
    Odds are she knows very well her choices are wrong, which is why she got angry (defensive.)
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Today I told my little sister that her eating habits were concerning me and asked her if she was eating out of boredom or depression. This completely set her off and caused us to fight. I explained to her that I wasn't trying to be mean, that I was concerned that if she kept up her eating habits, she would have major health problems and that she stays in a bad mood lately, probably because of how she eats.
    She has 6 pieces of toast & 2 bowls of cereal (immediately following the toast) - no joke. She eats a double cheeseburger at least 3 times a week. I really don't want her to become morbidly obese and have so many problems that she nearly dies.
    Was there a better way of telling her this?

    So you called her possibly depressed or bored or fat. Then told her she would be doomed with health problems and that she's a snatch because she eats like crap.

    Yeah. I'm not sure why that set her off. No clue at all.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,854 Member
    Today I told my little sister that her eating habits were concerning me and asked her if she was eating out of boredom or depression. This completely set her off and caused us to fight. I explained to her that I wasn't trying to be mean, that I was concerned that if she kept up her eating habits, she would have major health problems and that she stays in a bad mood lately, probably because of how she eats.
    She has 6 pieces of toast & 2 bowls of cereal (immediately following the toast) - no joke. She eats a double cheeseburger at least 3 times a week. I really don't want her to become morbidly obese and have so many problems that she nearly dies.
    Was there a better way of telling her this?

    I don't think so. If it wasn't a family member, I would say that you shouldn't have said anything at all but she's your little sister.

    On a positive note, even though she reacted badly, it may have done some good and she just needs to reflect on it. I recall having someone express concern for me once and it set me off because it embarrassed me. But after calming down, I knew he was right.
  • mathera26
    mathera26 Posts: 90 Member
    I think its great that you openly asked her about her health and showed concern. I think the fact that she reacted so dramatically shows that you are, in part, on the right track. People often become defensive when trying to hide something like depression. But put yourself in her position, how would you have reacted if she said the same to you?
  • Boshnivay
    Boshnivay Posts: 74 Member
    I'm kind of in the same situation right now... I made poor choices as a teen, and my youngest sister just doesn't really exercise at all... it's frustrating to see someone you care about go through that. Sadly, I don't have the answer to how to tell them in a "nice" way. Maybe you could try to cook something healthy/yummy in front of her, and without telling her she should try it because it's healthy, you could say because it's yummy. Also, if she is an adolescent, she is going to want to eat a lot of high calorie foods while she is growing so she just might not listen to you. The problem is after adolescence when they are still eating like they are growing but their metabolism has leveled off or decreased. Sorry this post probably isn't much help, just letting you know you're not alone. Feel free to add me if you want to chat about such things!
  • kristilovescake
    kristilovescake Posts: 669 Member
    Since she's family, I think you can pretty much say anything you feel needs to be said.. but maybe you need to take a different approach and offer to help her out by sharing new (healthier) recipes with her or asking if she wants to exercise with you (by asking her to go on a walk, hike, etc... don't ask her if she wants to go to the gym or she'll probably go off again).
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    I think when it comes to sisters (family)- no matter how nice/sensitive you say- it comes across the same: "You eat too much and are moody."


    that being said- depending on her age it may no be the worst thing. my teen aged children eat non stop and are skinny as rails. even the 19 yr old eats like mad, non-stop, he's 6'4" and weight 145 pounds (soaking wet, I bet) Maybe boys are different. I never remember eating like that.


    Maybe all she eats all day is 6 slices of toast ad 2 bowls of cereal and a a sandwhich. ...
  • makemewannadie
    makemewannadie Posts: 401 Member
    Personally, I think it depends on how old she is. Is she 8? 18? 28? Depending on her age she is likely to be fully aware that she is eating out of boredom, depression, and that this could be and may cause health problems. More info would be helpful before at least I can give a proper opinion :)
  • Today I told my little sister that her eating habits were concerning me and asked her if she was eating out of boredom or depression. This completely set her off and caused us to fight. I explained to her that I wasn't trying to be mean, that I was concerned that if she kept up her eating habits, she would have major health problems and that she stays in a bad mood lately, probably because of how she eats.
    She has 6 pieces of toast & 2 bowls of cereal (immediately following the toast) - no joke. She eats a double cheeseburger at least 3 times a week. I really don't want her to become morbidly obese and have so many problems that she nearly dies.
    Was there a better way of telling her this?

    So you called her possibly depressed or bored or fat. Then told her she would be doomed with health problems and that she's a snatch because she eats like crap.

    Yeah. I'm not sure why that set her off. No clue at all.



    Thanks everyone for their responses. I felt bad telling her, but I really think she needs to watch her eating habits.
    To the lately who sarcastically said "yeah. i'm not sure why that set her off..." - please take the time to read everything. I asked her if she was eating out of boredom or depression. I then explained to her that I didn't believe that she was fat. I didn't tell her "you're doomed to health problems" - I told her "this might lead to health problems". I didn't say she was a snatch because she ate like crap. Where are you getting this from? Please, go eat something. Clearly you're suffering from starvation and are just looking for someone to prey on.
    As for the other people, thank you once again for your more appropriate responses.
  • Robin_Bin
    Robin_Bin Posts: 1,046 Member
    Very few (if any) people like to be preached to. She's your sister, and you love her. So I understand why you wanted to say something. However, there is really no right way to tell someone who hasn't asked for advice how you think that person should change her or his life. However much you care, unless you are her guardian, it's not your place to tell her what to do for her health. Telling someone who doesn't want to change can often have negative effects, the person may do exactly what you didn't want to "show you who's boss".

    As has been said many times, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. You can set a good example. You can support her and make healthy choices easier. For instance, you can invite her to eat with you or exercise with you. You can say what you're doing for your health and mention how it makes you feel better in ways you wouldn't have expected. On rare occasions (like once a decade) you can say something like, I worry about whether you're getting enough nutrition. And if she doesn't respond, drop it. If she wants, she can follow-up, then you can make suggestions.
  • OfficerFuzzy
    OfficerFuzzy Posts: 222 Member
    ....I feel like maybe it isn't your business to tell her.
    Express your concern over her that isn't related to her eating. A simple, "Are you okay?" Might have been better.
    Because, unless she hasn't seen a news article, television program, blog, youtube video, doctor, dentist, squirrel in the past half decade she most probably knows what she's doing isn't healthy. Obesity and how to achieve it is not a secret or a little known fact. She knows.
    Making a "lifestyle change" isn't easy, and if she doesn't want to do it herself there's nothing you can do.
  • makemewannadie
    makemewannadie Posts: 401 Member
    Alright, well you still haven't said how old she is, but the person above (officerfuzzy) has some great advice.
    Instead of making it food orientated, find out what could be causing her poor relationship with food but without mentioning her eating habits... eg. if there's something wrong with you and it's causing you to express the problem through other habits, instead of talking about the outlet for the problem, get to the root of the problem itself. I'm probably not making that much sense as i'm absolutely knackered but i'm sure you get the gist of it haha.
  • Your her sister, you are allowed to be blunt and tell it like it is, or call it like it is in this case. If it weren't for my sisters "constructive criticism" all my life I'm sure I'd be a hell of a lot fatter. Sisters keep you real. they call you out on your bullsh!t, they say the things everybody is thinking but not saying. "Do these pants make my *kitten* look fat?" "You're damn right they do!" Thats what sisters are for. Keep on her. One day she'll thank you.