Over 40-2 kids-have lost & gained and am trying again

I am over 40, have two kids (7 and 3), and weigh 260 lbs. At the end of last year I was closer to 290, started dieting on and off at the beginning of this year and have had success, but am so afraid of yo-yo dieting. I ended high school at about 160 lbs, thought that was bad but thought to myself "at least I'll never see 200". by the end of college I was at 205. Got dx with PCOS which could possibly be partially to blame for my drastic weight gain over the years. 10 years ago my heaviest was 228, I lost 20 lbs, then gained back 40. Had my first child (reached almost 300! but lost it pretty quickly after I had her) the at 250 lbs I joined weight watchers, lost 35 but gained back 60. Had my 2nd child (did reach 300lbs, but didn't lost all of it). Then I went on Nutrisystem at a weight of 268, lost some, than stalled, but picked up and joined a gym, did really well for a while, think I got down to 235. And then back to 290 by end of last year (about a year later). Since the start of this year I've lost 35 pounds, then gained 10 and lost 15 and gained it back. I started to think that dieting was worse than not dieting! I know it needs to be a life change and a slow process, and am smart enough to know HOW to do it, butjust get off track easily. But now I have no excuse. My husband purchased exercise equipment so we have a small gym in our basement, so I have no reason not to exercise (but I sure find them!)

My two children were c-sections and because of my weight had to be a vertical cut. I have stomach fat that hangs over my thighs, it's all very disgusting. I can only imagine what I'll look like when I do lose weight! But still know I need to do it. I read success stories, but then sometimes stop being motivated when I see they are in their 20's (although I struggled in my 20's too). It seems so much harder now that I'm older, and despite having the convenience of exercise equipment in my own home, I still have such a hard time organizing my time to make this all successful! would love to share with someone who is like me! I too love food, and have found myself binging. But I know when I have successfully dieted and exercised, I actually love that too. and I always think "I can do this, I can live this life" but then somewhere along the way I fall back. so I'm struggling to keep losing and trying not to beat myself up too much because I am still 25 pounds less than a year ago. I like this website, I've had all my success when I tracked eating and this site is great and easy! hoping for this time to be the last time I begin a "diet". Would like to be the weight that is on my license again! I don't even want to weigh what my "ideal weight" is, but would love to be under 200, Setting my goal to lose 100 lbs. Trying not to think about how long it'll take, that's my problem I want quick results, but I know that is why I keep gaining it back too....I've goten temporary results because I haven't made permanent changes. Here I go again!