Not quite the "normal" success story

I realized again today just how fortunate I am to be alive and to be active. For almost 10 years, I'd suffered a debilitating electrical defect in my heart that was potentially fatal. It meant that I was constantly exhausted, often had "sparkly" vision that prevented me from driving, my "resting" heart rate was 142 bpm and when it spiked, it shut down EKG machines that registered the heartbeat as a malfunction in the medical equipment because it was over 200 bpm. I spent lots of time in the ER, the cardiac care unit, and ICU. Walking up the stairs to my bedroom was a once a day effort and I spent a lot of time on the couch or in bed. I gained a lot of weight.

Well into the progression of my condition, I was put on drugs of "last resort", the kind they give you to keep you comfortable and give you some quality of life without regard for long-term side effects (because the expectation is you won't be around to suffer them). Then we fpund a doctor who everyone called a "cowboy" - he was a pioneer, really. Remarkably, my health insurer approved my trip "out-of-network" for my third surgery in the hopes that his advances in electrophysiology would provide a cure. That surgery failed. When there was literlaly nothing left to be done, he tried again in what we all agreed was a risky venture, but what the heck, right? He succeeded in curing me 9 years and 11 months after I was diagnosed. I went home from the hospital 2 days later and tore up the "goodbye" letters I'd written to my husband and kids. And I embarked on a journey to get healthy. That was more than 7 years ago.

This morning, when I was stressing over the fact that I've lost no significant amount of weight after the 70 I'd lost in the first few years after my "cure", I had a lightbulb moment. This can't just be about a number on the scale for me. I have a LOT of weight to lose still. If I had my eating under control, I'd probably be positively thin by now. But I'm not. I struggle with my love of food and my overeating habits every day.

However, I am so much healthier than I've ever been in my life. And I am remarkably fit, especially for someone of my size. I actually have a hard time getting my heart rate up during my cardio workouts now because my endurance is so great. My family doctor told me last year that I am more fit than most of his patients who weigh a lot less than I do. Of course, we both agree that I'd be even healthier if I could lose another 40-50 pounds, but he keeps telling me not to beat myself up. That he'd rather I continue to go to the gym 5x/week than to step on the scale every day. Maybe that's my success.

I love to exercise. I love to walk. I love being at the gym, surrounded by like-minded people who are also working to get fit or stay fit. Is that a NSV? Maybe it's the 9 half-marathons I've completed or the more than 20 5ks and the countless other distance races. Getting myself to the start line. Standing on my own two feet and healthy at the finish line. Maybe that's my success.

In just the past 5 months, I've exercised 9,696 minutes. I have to call that a non-scale victory too.

I've been wishing I had a success story to share here. This morning, I realized that every day I get out of bed and head to the gym for a good workout or I help coach Special Olympics distance walking and running program, or I register for a race and get to the finish line, that's MY success.

Believe me, I'm not saying it's an excuse to be overweight. I have a long way to go. But there can be many successes along the journey, and they aren't all measured on the scale.