What weight loss does to others around you (from my blog)

skinnybitchbarbie27
skinnybitchbarbie27 Posts: 306 Member
in Motivation and Support
Why is it people seem to want to tear you down after you have lost weight. FYI- I am still not comfortable with my body. I have loose skin and although I see the muscles growing and in photos I can see my body changing, I don't know if I ever will get to a point I will love myself. I have been programmed my whole life to see myself as a flaw instead of loving myself. I am sure the magical change that happens will happen and I will hold my head high but for now I still walk around like a fat mess. I strap myself so tight with a shaper just because I am hoping to not hear the fat jokes in public. Can we be reprogrammed to love ourselves no matter what?

What bothers me is the hoards of people who seem to think it is ok to tell me that I look so much better than before. This is like a slap to my face. One woman has even stated that when she found out I was going to be the new manager of this gym last december she was "Shocked" because someone my size is now going to manage a gym? This is something she stated very bluntly and was like a stab to my heart. I smiled because they are customers, what can you do, but that hurt me so deep. I have to face everyday that I was not socially acceptable before. I don't care what anyone says, We all strive to be socially acceptable, at least enough to be left alone in public. Anyone who says they aren't losing weight partly for looks is a liar. We all might have the main goal of long life and good health but I know we all want to look good too.

I had shown a before and after to a group of ladies and told them how one of my friends bluntly commented that I found my neck. Although I could see what she was talking about, it just seems so inappropriate that people can now feel like they can open up and tell me bad **** about myself that they couldn't tell me before. One lady speaks up and says "yeah, and soon you'll find your chin too!" I think she was saying it with all intent of encouragement (knowing this member for two years now I do not believe she said it with malicious intent) but that hurt. You just judged me TO MY FACE.

It bothers me that people now can come up to me and feel like they can open up about how fat I was before or tell me how miserable I looked before. I know they are doing it with all good intentions however I do not think they realize that by doing so they still tear me down. They still are reminding me that I was a social outcast, which causes fear. I know I still slip and I know that this is a life change however I am also very aware that if I get fat again that I will not be accepted. I am not accepted now at 239 pounds. I am still called fat, it is just few and far between.

Weight loss has done so much for me, I am very appreciative of my strength and my new healthy body. I just want people to appreciate me at any size and stop telling me how unaccepted I was before.

Replies

  • renatte68
    renatte68 Posts: 8
    This has a lot to do with why I put the weight back on the last time!

    In 2005 I lost 100 lbs and was down to a size 6. I LOVED the way I looked. I loved going shopping and finding way more cheap clothes. I loved fitting in airplane seats and going to the gym and not feeling like an outcast.

    But I was the same person inside and it hurt my heart SO bad to hear all the comments about how much better I looked. What was even worse was how much more respect I got as a thin person. The director in my office even started talking to me in a different way. As if we were now in the same club or something.

    It might be worthwhile to gently tell people when they make these comments how they effect us. I got SO tired of hearing how great I looked NOW, and how proud people were of me. It feels good for a minute but then it gets really old. People say they don't look at us like that, but if that were the case, why would they "notice" the minute we drop 15 lbs. It just solidifies the fact that we are outcasts in this society.

    I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I'm sure you're a cool person no matter what size you are. But I totally agree that we diet to look better. If our looks weren't the reason then why would we torture ourselves to lose weight?

    Fight the good fight and don't give your energy to those who only see size. We can rise above this!!!
  • deb3129
    deb3129 Posts: 1,294 Member
    I struggle a lot with this too. Not as much the comments for me, I always just take them as a compliment. For we it is the fact that so many more people want to talk to me now. It's like I was invisible, and the more weight I lose the more visible I become. I was clearly not good enough to talk to before, but suddenly I am. Grrrrr
  • MrsHarris6
    MrsHarris6 Posts: 46 Member
    It's very unfortunate that you had to experience this. I can understand and relate. Use that negativity as motivation. I'm sure it' shard and even I have had pitfalls where I allow myself to fall short because of other people. Don't do it! You've done an amazing job. Another thing to consider is that those same people who are so rude (even though they don't intend to do so) felt this way about you for quite some time and just never said anything to you. That being said, they don't deserve to be in your life. Healthy or unhealthy, you're a human being with feelings. Whether you're 313lbs or 113, you're still the same "Barbie!" Maybe it is time to reconsider your circle of "friends." I had to let some go after experiencing a similar situation. Let's just say I had more time to focus on FIGHTING THE FAT and less time to spend with FAKE people. Good luck!

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