Spouse isn't supportive in this...

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Lisamb757
Lisamb757 Posts: 35 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
As in, not wanting to go to the gym together(which isn't a big deal). He doesn't work out at all, and eats like garbage. My issue is that he brings the garbage around me and it's in the house and I'm tempted and have terrible self control. It's easier when he is gone, he is in the military, and i have tried to tell him how important this all is to me, how much it would mean to me that he would do it with me and stuff but it doesn't get to him. I feel like its almost a lost cause. Fitness is very important to me and I want him to be healthy too. He is proud of himself for hitting 200 lbs, but its not muscle weight at all! It kills me!!

Maybe this is more of a vent session, but does anyone have advice or tips from personal experience with this issue?
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Replies

  • Crazy4Healthy
    Crazy4Healthy Posts: 626 Member
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    Honestly, I think many can relate... but if you truly want to succeed, you just have to get past it and do this for yourself. I know it's hard, but think about how much better you will feel when you know you had the strength to get past those temptations. You can do this, just keep at it. People aren't always in the same place at the same time, frustrating but true. Best of luck on your journey. :smile:
  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    If he was being an unsupportive *kitten* my advice would be different, but honestly it doesn't sound that hes being unsupportive, just that he doesn't want to do the same thing as you? It does make it harder, but he is allowed to eat whatever junk he wants, unfortunately I think you are just going to have to work on your willpower.
  • MissSusieQ
    MissSusieQ Posts: 533 Member
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    If he was being an unsupportive *kitten* my advice would be different, but honestly it doesn't sound that hes being unsupportive, just that he doesn't want to do the same thing as you? It does make it harder, but he is allowed to eat whatever junk he wants, unfortunately I think you are just going to have to work on your willpower.

    ^^ this ^^
  • Sojaided34
    Sojaided34 Posts: 113
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    I can relate. My spouse isn't all that fit or supportive. He eats like crap as well. When I bring up the subject of the gym he says a smart *kitten* remark and walks away. I even bought him a pair of running shoes to go walking (that was a month ago). My advice is to make your own food and do not give into whatever he brings. I stopped caring what he thought and stopped asking him to do things with me. I walk by myself and eat foods i want to eat. When we go grocery shopping I only buy what I eat and he buys his own stuff. I refuse to buy his junk food. Hope this helps you.
  • purple_tux1
    purple_tux1 Posts: 250 Member
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    I think you just have to decide what you want to do and let him decide what he wants to do. Temptation is everywhere. You can't really blame anyone for what you put in your mouth. And you can't make people do things they don't want to.

    I have 2 kids and live with my husband and in-laws. Recently there's been mooncakes, chocolate chips, ice cream, all sorts of things in the house. I want to lose weight more than I want those things. If I feel I really must, I'll have just a tiny bit, but that'll be it. If you're sitting down together to a movie, you can always fix yourself something low-cal, like popcorn.
  • findfan4ever
    findfan4ever Posts: 153 Member
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    Lisa, first I want to say how sorry I am for the "lack of support" your husband is showing.

    Point 1: While I do not know what he is thinking, I dont know if what he is doing is intentional. ....... Unless he has stated what you are trying to do isn't his bad of tea, etc. I for one support my wife whole heartedly in her weight loss goals. I personally feel it is a morally correct thing to do.

    Point 2: What you eat is TOTALLY on you. I can understand the lack of will power, yet will power is developed. YOU must put the better foods in your body. As you develope will power and start to obtain results, this may influence him to start doing better.

    Point 3: Try communicating with him in a way that isn't demading or atacking TO HIM. In other words, if he receives what you are saying as an attack, that is how he will respond. Speak in "I" statements.This will difuse any feeling of being attacked.

    Point 4: if he is truely proud of reaching 200 pounds and is on active duty military. ......... As a naval veteran, I can assure you if he does not maintain certain levels of fitness and health, HE CAN BE MEDICALLY DISCHARGED from the military.

    I hope some of this helps. Feel free to add the "old swabbie" as a friend if you desire to.
  • dani_1977
    dani_1977 Posts: 557 Member
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    I live and have lived with my fiance for 4 years now. This is man 160 lbs ..maybe! He can eat what ever... and I mean what ever. Pasta, bread, cakes, pies, rice, cookies... every day all day. And does not gain a pound. I have known him since 1995!!

    My point is .. I can force him to live my life. Because he shouldnt have to eat what I eat. If he doesnt want to .. he doesnt need to.

    Yes its hard when my day of eating is over and he is still eating pound cake, cookies or candy. And all I have left is 67 calories. LOL

    He shouldnt have to edit his eating because its not his choice. Yes its hard when we go to chick fila and I want everything he getting. lol but I cant always have it.

    Now its different if he really needs to like he is obese, but hopefully when you start lose more and more weight he will want to join in. He probably doesnt take it seriously. mine didnt at first he thought I was going to give up but 4 years later Im still at it. :-)
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    Not going to the gym with you is nothing to be concerned about.. that is chump change.... Im sure he gets enough activity working in the military.

    You did not say in your OP how you have tried to ask him re: the junk.

    The problem I see is that where you admit you still struggle, that is a behavioral issue you need to work on. You will always be around things/events/parties where those foods are going to be present. Its up to you to make the personal changes..... Perhaps your husband needs to be aware by being blunt... dont hint, dont joke, dont beat around the bush... tell it like it is. After all, he takes orders from his commanding officers... they dont give him half-orders, its given directly.

    You need to be direct with him. But, your husband should not have to feel like he cant be comfortable in his own home if he wants to splurge on a bacon double cheeseburger (or whatever it is he eats). You too, have to commit to changing your own eating behavior issues as well. So, in actuality, its the both of you who truly need to work together on this as a team.
  • dearprudence78
    dearprudence78 Posts: 27
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    It's really too bad that even after stating your case to your man that you'd really appreciate his help regarding your fitness efforts. Only he can really say what his reasons are, and so I think you need a new course of action. Make some friends at the gym or find friends who will go with you. Form the support system you need. You've got us here online, and you could have a list of friends to call when you need to be talked off a binge ledge. :) Maybe once your man sees that he's been "replaced" in that capacity, he might be moved to take action. And if he isn't, well at least your needs are being met. Best of luck to you!
  • cedarghost
    cedarghost Posts: 621 Member
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    What branch of the military? I ask, because I know in the Army, we were tested for physical fitness and this could ultimately put you out of the service if you didn't pass your test.
    Now when I got out and went into the Reserves, it was a little different as we only met once a month and then did our drill in the summer (until we were activated for Desert Storm) and while we were still required to pass a PT test, it was a lot more "lax".
    Sorry. I know this doesn't help, I was just curious.

    Self-discipline is the hardest thing, especially when a spouse makes it harder. I struggled with this as well when I quit smoking (5 months now) and quit drinking soda. My wife still smokes and believe me, that made it that much more difficult to restrain my self. When I was at my weakest, I just tried to remember, and focus on my motivation for quitting and would sometimes just get out of the house and take a walk or try to do something away from the house and everything going on.
  • caseythirteen
    caseythirteen Posts: 956 Member
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    I agree with the others that you can't force him to take an interest in what interests you. You have to make your own choices and let him make his. The path I take him my own junk food loving husband is to try and talk to him about what I've been learning and explain what I think is better or worse and why. Some things he has picked up and some things he still doesn't give a rats *kitten* about but those are his choices. When I make a meal, I get to make it my way. When I shop, I make the better choices. Eventually he's learned that some things actually taste better.
  • cmeade20
    cmeade20 Posts: 1,238 Member
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    I live with my mom who brings all kinds of crap into the house. At the moment there are two packages of cookies, a pound cake and Hostess cupcakes sitting on my counter alone. God knows whats in the cabinets and pantry.However, my mom isn't the one trying to get in shape here I am, so it's up to me to not eat the crap. Is it hard? Yes Do I always succeed in avoiding it? No. But its up to me to deal with it.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    If he was being an unsupportive *kitten* my advice would be different, but honestly it doesn't sound that hes being unsupportive, just that he doesn't want to do the same thing as you? It does make it harder, but he is allowed to eat whatever junk he wants, unfortunately I think you are just going to have to work on your willpower.

    ^^ this ^^

    This again. Sorry that you're not getting the companionship/support you feel like you need, but he doesn't have to have the same fitness goals as you.
    You can't control him, but you can work to improve your willpower.

    Good luck!
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
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    Stay strong.
  • ritoosh
    ritoosh Posts: 190
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    its not that hes being unsupportive. maybe because hes in the military and he doesnt get to eat what he wants and he works out a lot he doesnt want to when hes home? (idk much bout the military so i dont know) but just stay strong
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
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    first thing..wow!!!..beautiful eyes

    next thing...this is a very common thing, you just have to think about you and what you want and need. Afterall you are doing this for yourself and if he's not down with that then so be it really. If he brings home something you don't want, don't have it. If he isn't into going to a gym or doing workouts or whatever thats his choice. You however stay powerful no matter what the stakes and all will end well.
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
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    His body, his choice. He's also in the military so I'd assume he's pretty active anyway, so eating as he does probably doesn't effect him negatively too much.

    I'd just suggest pre-logging your diary so when you're tempted by a food you already KNOW it won't fit within your macros/calories, however you would have a snack/meal pre-planned that you could opt for instead. This seriously helps me a lot since my boyfriend is trying to bulk and eating like a maniac lol.

    As long as he's not trying to 'force' you to eat the same junk as him, he's doing nothing wrong here. You've just got to work on learning to not succumb to temptation.
  • QueenCrisis
    QueenCrisis Posts: 33
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    My boyfriend is trying to bulk up and has to eat a lot, while I'm trying to slim down, so I can't. He has three cheat days and is doing something called 'carb back loading'. At the end of his workouts he can have high-carb, low-fat food. Fat free donuts, Low fat pizza, Fat free Ice cream.
    I get a low fat frozen yogurt once day, if I've been a good girl. Lots of veggies, lean protein, and maybe a piece of fruit if I feel like it. I cheat once a week. I'll eat the meals I'm supposed to all day, but I'll have an extra meal, usually under 500 calories.

    It is very hard when we have very different goals. I do want to tone and bulk a little in the distant future, but now? Different foods, different workouts... It is hard.

    I just know that know food on the planet tastes as good as smaller waist feels.
  • KiraBg
    KiraBg Posts: 24
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    Tell him he better get on the exercise wagon or soon you will have more muscle than he does!
  • mdbs2004
    mdbs2004 Posts: 220
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    I'm ok with junk food in the house if I dont know its there or see it being eaten. If I know its there I will eat it. I can be a big *kitten* if someone brings crap in the house. And for the most part this is not an issue. :)

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