Un-supportive Partner

FitFrazzle
FitFrazzle Posts: 173
in Motivation and Support
Hi all,

Right this might sound like an attention seeking whine, but its an actual question.

Has anyone got an un-supportive partner?

To put it into context, mine constantly says, "You don't need to lose any weight" or "You're being obsessed counting those bloody calories" another couple of classics are "Why are you exercising all the time now" and finally "You look fine to me"

The reason I ask is, whenever I read any of my MFP friends bios' its always how supportive there other half is etc.

So am I the only one out there.

Cheers. FH

Replies

  • SarahCW1979
    SarahCW1979 Posts: 572 Member
    Hmmm, its a tricky one. 'Usually' its the male of the species that is unsupportive :ohwell:
    It could be a security thing, maybe she's thinking youre gonna get yourself all bangin' and then find yourself a barbie doll (ya, some females are bizarre like that)
    Have you told her why you are working so hard? Even the most genuine 'I love you the way you are' kind of person will come round to the idea of lifestyle changes if they know your reasoning behind it.
  • crazy_ninja
    crazy_ninja Posts: 387 Member
    For me, its the same. Its not just that I have to fight the fight against this overweight and body toning...its also to fight against those comments!

    But step by step my partner tries to understand me. She´s just never been into sports or something else and dont like to do any kind of sports. But I try to teach her and she tries to learn.

    But its still hard.
  • searolex
    searolex Posts: 35
    Definitely not the only one. See my post 5 days ago “Uncooperative Partner”.
  • ladypenel
    ladypenel Posts: 88 Member
    Hi FH
    Sounds to me that your partner has insecurity issues. You read every day about husbands who 'trade' in their wives for younger models so she may be concerned that this s your motivation to get reem! Try including her in your fitness and food and pay her attention telling her you love her etc, if she continues to berate your efforts just ask her outright Honesty is the best policy God luck!
  • mzgenius
    mzgenius Posts: 13 Member
    Being in a relationship means supporting ur partner through what they need to go through, emotionally, physically and mentally. Well thats how i see it anyway :) Not getting at anyone just saying. But you are not the only one im sure. Hope things work out for ya =)
  • Dr_sparky
    Dr_sparky Posts: 52 Member
    Previously my husband has been unsupportive (i.e. your fine the way you are category) but he's now joined the supportive clan. However I don't understand what caused the change. So I can't offer any suggestions only that there is hope for partners.
  • healthynotthin
    healthynotthin Posts: 223 Member
    Personally if I were in her boat and insecure at all about my own body I would probably try to sabotage your "getting-in-shape" regimen, as well. Not for hostile reasons but because I would feel threatened that you may move on or think you were trying to become more attractive to others, including other girls. What the other poster said, if you make it a point to let her know you're still very much hers and just doing this to better your health and general fitness, she may be able to understand and even join you! Again. Honesty honesty honesty.
  • bufger
    bufger Posts: 763 Member
    Mine is happy for me but does moan whenever im going to the gym because im going out and doing something and she never can (we have 2 kids). If i offer her a night off she wont go out or do anything anyway!

    She never used to moan when i sat and played the Xbox. It is frustrating
  • traceycostella
    traceycostella Posts: 32
    My partner isnt really mean or anything, but he does moan about how much time im spending at the gym every night, for instance i go straight from work all week, so i dont get home until late, so that does bother him slightly but not to much, i get really pissed off with him when he sits there eating all the yummy food im not allowed like ice cream, crisps etc lol

    he eats and eats and eats but never outs on weight
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    I wouldn't say my husband is un supportive, infact I think in his own way he thinks he is being encouraging to my ego. He tells me I look fine, and he will support me in what I want to do. But in the same token, he brings in sabotaging foods and continually offers them to me knowning full well I am trying to change my eatting habits & lifestyle.
  • PJ64
    PJ64 Posts: 866 Member
    I get the same attitude. She's not supportive in private but when our friends comment on how I look she says how proud she is.

    It used to bother me, but now I know she has her own issues. When she complained about it one day, I had enough and asked how my lifestyle is affecting her? She didn't have an answer because It isnt, I work out during the day at work or very early before she gets up. I havent changed our groceries or made anyone else in the family change. I eat what she cooks (luckily she's a great cook who has always cooked healthy). My "lifestyle change" affects no aspect of our marriage other than she doesn't like it. So I told her to deal with it or not, but I won't let it affect how I feel about what I'm doing.
  • dougt333
    dougt333 Posts: 697
    Mine used to jokingly say I should stop because I was making her look bad (not true) but after she saw the difference she sort of recruited me as her work for free personal trainer.
  • tejasmh87
    tejasmh87 Posts: 91 Member
    I do not have this problem with my man but I agree with these posts. If this is indeed was is going through your SO's head I would also consider these:

    1) explain family medical history. Is there something in there you are trying to avoid? Do you see habits in your family you don't want to fall into? Have a friend have a heart attack at a young age?

    2) Get a Physical done at the Doc and show her/him the results. Trying to lower choloestoral? trying to kick the sugar/salt addiction?

    3) Explain to the SO that your lifestyle change isn't about them. Its for YOU and you are bettering yourself. It will not lead to you "leaving them for another" but you want your SO to be proud of you-- you could be the slouch playing WoW all day.

    Speaking as a woman- I have a great supportive man. He joined MFP with me. He began the C25K program with me. But I had some mental hang ups when he dropped 20lbs vs my 6lbs. Hang ups got worse when I relaized I would never be able to keep up with his stride while running. I was "compare & disspare" mode of thought. Watching women now oogle him was a kick in the ego. One look at him and I thought I was failing...

    BUT, I realized that his workouts and weight loss aren't about ME. It was about him being the best man that he could become. It was about him pushing himself farther every day. It was about him avoiding food temptations and having awesome weigh-ins. My job was to watch him succeed, cheer him on and be there with a 'I'm proud of you" victory kiss or hug him when it was a rough day...even kick is *kitten* when he needed it.

    Now he is my inspiration to 'get it done" because he joined me- I never asked him too. He's my pom-pom carrier as I like to say :) So hopefully your SO becomes your Pom-pom carrier too!
  • Doing_me
    Doing_me Posts: 91 Member
    My partner actually wanted to lose some pounds as well and I tried everything to make it easy for him- showed him MFP, started 102 different diets and meal plans, tried to get him into couples personal training or swimming and bought a bunch of workout DVDs like P90X and JM. Nothing seems to work and he is actually gaining weight.

    i do get the same comments though when I spend too much time at the gym or take the dog for a long run or something ;( I wish he would be more supportive because there is nothing that I would love more than workout together with him...
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    Easy solution: do what my girlfriend and I are doing, which is lifting and dieting together. Makes life much easier. ;)
  • hendinerik
    hendinerik Posts: 287 Member
    I try to be delicate about things... meaning I don't hide that I am trying to be healthy, but I also log in my phone and don't share every bit of progress if she is feeling sensitive about things. It's that balance of sticking to what you have to do for you, but also being sensitive to her needs.

    Also I explain that I want to live a long healthy life and ward off illness, feel great and have that as a buffer against stress, and one day being a father - and one who is active and can keep up with the family. So this was a way of showing "value" that it could add to the relationship.

    In the end you have to do what you have to do for your health - The balance also is that if workouts are getting in the way of something that is important to her or the relationship, that's the only time where you might want to adjust things.

    Sometimes she has told me not to lose any more weight, and I tell her it's not just about weight, but strength and health.
    Health is a good thing! So good for you to keep it going.

    Good luck!

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