Who else is going thru this???

shizz230
shizz230 Posts: 31
in Chit-Chat
I have something like a confession, I started losing weight for the sole purpose to stay on track with my fiance.... She has lost almost 100 pounds, and she gets so much attention from guys now its burns me the hell up, maybe its because Im not use to her getting so much attention, but I feel like I have to extra protective of her now and I find myself chasing every guy away that even looks at her for more that 20 seconds lol, i dont know if its jealousy or just the fact that its hard for me to handle it... but Im getting in shape so that she doesnt have to start getting tempted by the new wave of men thats coming at her......is anybody else dealing with this from they woman/mna???

Replies

  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Increased testosterone is likely to make you feel more jealous. Have you been hitting the weights? Did she start losing weight a long time before you did? Not trying to scare you or anything, but I had a girlfriend once that lost some weight and then realized she could do better than me (Note the past tense 'had'). I think I inspired the movie, Loser.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    i totally married above my "level."

    i couldn't care less if men give my wife attention, because I trust she will not do anything to jeopardize our relationship. all i can do is treat her in a manner that makes her want to stay. and if she decides to mess with one of them, then i hope they have a nice life because i'm out.

    being jealous takes more energy and effort than i am willing to exude
  • shizz230
    shizz230 Posts: 31
    I trust her wholeheartedly, the chasing them away was a lil bit of an exaggeration, but when they look for too long, I will say something like " I know, she looks good as hell dont she" but I dont trip a lil bit if a guy sees her and I together, but when I walk off to the batheroom he tries to slide up and talk to her, that to me is disrespect, so ill say " damn homie u couldve manned up and said something while I was here instead of taking the punk route and waiting for me to leave".
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
    It's pretty common for partners to feel a bit insecure when their loved one loses weight and starts getting a great deal of attention. Try to keep in mind that she loves you, and some other man appreciating her appearance won't change that. Behaving aggressively towards every man who gives her a second look won't help your relationship at all though.

    If you're uncomfortable, talk to her about it. She probably doesn't realize that you are worried she's going to leave you. But once that's out in the open, you can get the reassurance you seek.
  • shizz230
    shizz230 Posts: 31
    Wolverine I wish I good like that comment, thats real talk.....Im just not use to it is all, when she was 300 its was barely any attention, now that she 180 its in abundance and it be like damn.. wtf
  • valolerie
    valolerie Posts: 41 Member
    I'd say it's normal that you're feeling this way, on the bright side it has motivated you to do something about your own weight, but you should really be doing it for you, not because you're worried that if you won't, she may get tempted by other guys. I'm assuming you haven't gained a ton of weight since you guys met, so I'm sure that she loves you for who you are and regardless of what size you are.
  • shizz230
    shizz230 Posts: 31
    Increased testosterone is likely to make you feel more jealous. Have you been hitting the weights? Did she start losing weight a long time before you did? Not trying to scare you or anything, but I had a girlfriend once that lost some weight and then realized she could do better than me (Note the past tense 'had'). I think I inspired the movie, Loser.

    Thats what I feel like sometimes, that now shes getting so much attention, will she start looking at me funny.....Yes I have been hitting the weights and she has started losing weight a year before I did, she started at 300 and now is 180, so I feel like damn let me get my body right just in case she develops a new attraction for the gym types...if I make any sense
  • SheilaG1963
    SheilaG1963 Posts: 298 Member
    My husband is slightly jealous. He hates seeing more men open the door for me or talk to me when we are out. I just told him, if you don't like it get out.

    However, you should be proud people are paying your wife attention. She's accomplised a great deal. Let them look. Doesn't she go home with you every night?
  • fat2fitKara
    fat2fitKara Posts: 136
    You're being jealous and crazy. I'd dump you if you ever chased a man away that just LOOKED at me. It appears you don't trust your fiancee. Nobody likes an insecure man or woman.

    I completely disagree. I don't think this has to do with trusting your finace at all! I'm no expert.. but it seems the feelings of jealousy are stemming from your own insecurities.

    I do not think there is anything wrong with losing weight to "keep up" with your finace, I think it's completely healthy to want to look/be your best for them. I think signigicant others can be a great source of motivation and support and should be utilized as such.
  • shizz230
    shizz230 Posts: 31
    I'd say it's normal that you're feeling this way, on the bright side it has motivated you to do something about your own weight, but you should really be doing it for you, not because you're worried that if you won't, she may get tempted by other guys. I'm assuming you haven't gained a ton of weight since you guys met, so I'm sure that she loves you for who you are and regardless of what size you are.


    No i havent gained alot, when I met her I was 260, and she was like 250, she swent up to 300, I went up to 289, but now shes 180 and I just wanna stay looking good for her so that she doesnt have to be tempted
  • boosham
    boosham Posts: 10
    maybe try looking at it as a compliment. Your girl looks good and you are the one that is with her, be proud. You have her and they dont.
  • valolerie
    valolerie Posts: 41 Member
    I'd say it's normal that you're feeling this way, on the bright side it has motivated you to do something about your own weight, but you should really be doing it for you, not because you're worried that if you won't, she may get tempted by other guys. I'm assuming you haven't gained a ton of weight since you guys met, so I'm sure that she loves you for who you are and regardless of what size you are.


    No i havent gained alot, when I met her I was 260, and she was like 250, she swent up to 300, I went up to 289, but now shes 180 and I just wanna stay looking good for her so that she doesnt have to be tempted

    Have you spoken to her about this? I really think that you should probably discuss these insecurities with you, you'll probably end up feeling better. She doesn't have to be tempted because she lost weight, if she is, it would signal a bigger problem in your relationship to me. It is great that you are getting into shape so that you guys can be healthy together and enjoy a more active lifestyle, but I really do think that you need to discuss these insecurities with her for the sake of your confidence.
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    If you trust her, you should be able to take it as a compliment and it should be a stroke to your ego that she is with you and nobody else. When guys hit on me at the bar, my boyfriend and him are usually best friends by the end of the night. Of course.. the alcohol helps.
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    Oh and almost forgot...

    Just break up.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    You keep saying "So she won't be tempted." That is you being insecure. Trust your woman.
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
    You keep saying "So she won't be tempted." That is you being insecure. Trust your woman.

    This is not really fair. When one partner loses over 100 lbs, the relationship undergoes TREMENDOUS changes. And yes, the partner would naturally be confused, a little insecure, and just trying to keep up.

    You seem to keep on saying that this guy has no reason to feel a bit at sea. That's NOT reality. Of course he is a bit flustered and confused and worried and also proud of his partner. He has every right to feel like his partner has changed (she has, though perhaps not in the ways he imagines or fears), to recognize that random men respond to her differently now than they did previously (they do), that she may enjoy at least some of the attention (why wouldn't she?), and that as her options expand, her preferences might also be in flux. While it is likely that she really does only have eyes for him, his feelings are real and completely normal.

    Everything the OP is feeling is totally normal and human. I wish you would stop bashing him for being human. He asked for some insight, not to be told that his feelings are signs of poor character (which they aren't).
  • ScumbagSteve
    ScumbagSteve Posts: 103 Member
    I feel you homie. I put a chip in my old ladies car so I know where she always be at. She said she gettin groceries, chip said she be at the GAP store.
  • SheilaG1963
    SheilaG1963 Posts: 298 Member
    I feel you homie. I put a chip in my old ladies car so I know where she always be at. She said she gettin groceries, chip said she be at the GAP store.


    Well, I could tell you what I'd do with that chip, but it wouldn't be nice!
  • peachhunting
    peachhunting Posts: 59 Member
    Oh and almost forgot...

    Just break up.

    Ha, that is hilarious...

    If she's gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat. I highly doubt it though. Instead of chasing guys away, chase her. Enjoy her wieght loss also, and ravage your lady.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    You keep saying "So she won't be tempted." That is you being insecure. Trust your woman.

    ^^
    you asked her to marry you when you were over weight. she still said yes. what's the deal?
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    I feel you homie. I put a chip in my old ladies car so I know where she always be at. She said she gettin groceries, chip said she be at the GAP store.


    Well, I could tell you what I'd do with that chip, but it wouldn't be nice!

    I think he forgot the /sarcasm.
  • IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER
    IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER Posts: 105 Member
    My husband is slightly jealous. He hates seeing more men open the door for me or talk to me when we are out. I just told him, if you don't like it get out.

    However, you should be proud people are paying your wife attention. She's accomplised a great deal. Let them look. Doesn't she go home with you every night?



    Love it.. I love him and what other men says don't matter. He should be happy having a nice looking woman who loves him
  • IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER
    IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER Posts: 105 Member
    You're being jealous and crazy. I'd dump you if you ever chased a man away that just LOOKED at me. It appears you don't trust your fiancee. Nobody likes an insecure man or woman.

    I completely disagree. I don't think this has to do with trusting your finace at all! I'm no expert.. but it seems the feelings of jealousy are stemming from your own insecurities.

    I do not think there is anything wrong with losing weight to "keep up" with your finace, I think it's completely healthy to want to look/be your best for them. I think signigicant others can be a great source of motivation and support and should be utilized as such.
  • DeMarraDontStop
    DeMarraDontStop Posts: 342 Member
    Everyone keeps telling my husband since I'm losing weight be better watch out! And he sees the attention that I am getting but as his wife I let him know that I'm not doing anything to get anyone's attention. I'm going this for my health and wellness. I assure him I'm not going anywhere, he gives me all the attention I need!
  • IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER
    IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER Posts: 105 Member
    If you trust her, you should be able to take it as a compliment and it should be a stroke to your ego that she is with you and nobody else. When guys hit on me at the bar, my boyfriend and him are usually best friends by the end of the night. Of course.. the alcohol helps.

    Lol lol I love this quote its my fav????
  • IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER
    IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER Posts: 105 Member
    ????I totally agree with the post above ^^^^
  • shizz230
    shizz230 Posts: 31
    Thanks everyone for their insight on this post, I greatly appreciated, alot of you had very good points and it has helped a great deal, I just love her extremely much and just dont wanna lose her just because of a few pounds, I love the "NEW" her and want to be the only one to enjoy it lol....thanks again MFP's

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