Advice on Maintaining Will-power around Significant Other

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ashleytee17
ashleytee17 Posts: 6
in Motivation and Support
Hi! This is my first post so I'm hoping I can get some honest and helpful feedback.
Well, I am working on gradually losing a lot of weight because my doctor is worried about my weight & personally, it doesn't feel like a comfortable weight for me either. This is the heaviest I have been and my doctor wants me back at my high school weight. Also, another motivator for me is I graduate from nursing school in May and I am also getting married in about a year.

I have no issues in terms of motivating myself to hit the gym, it is the nutrition that I am inconsistent on.
The problem is- my boyfriend is a beanpole! He is 6'6 and weighs 185lbs, from that descriptor, he is a healthy weight. He typically only eats 1-2 meals a day and they are essentially, "empty calorie" foods. We don't live together but I see him 3-5 times a week after work/school. He usually waits for me so we can have meals together. The problem is, he wants to either go through fast-food places OR buy easy to make food from Safeway (pre-packaged, convenient food).

Either way, I'm going to be honest, I don't know how to keep my will-power up when we buy food together or when we go out to eat. He is supportive of me and my decisions (so he doesn't force me to eat that food) but it's hard to want to eat a salad or a small portion when I see him eating a lot of it and dessert. Hence, I eat what he eats and my portion control goes out the window most of the time.Plus, he doesn't want to eat what I eat either.

Anyway, so I am hoping for some advice on tips or tricks others have used to resist temptations when around the significant other.

Thanks! :smile:

Replies

  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
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    You could have just written my life story with my husband. He's 6'8" and never started gaining weight until he was in his late 40's. So first, take heart! What he eats now will catch up with him. Second, and most important, take control of your own eating and health now! I didn't. I did just what you say you are doing. I ate what he did and in the same amounts. I gained weight really fast and I stayed fat for years. Oh I complained about how unfair it is that he can eat what he wants and never gain an ounce, while I look at it and gain 10 pounds! Truth is I didn't take responsibility for my eating habits and lack of exercise.

    It's OK if he doesn't want to eat what you eat. You are eating for you and your health not his. And just maybe, he will change his eating to more healthy things as you set that good example. But if he doesn't, it's his issue not yours. Truth is you don't have to eat what he does, you are choosing to.

    I had bariatric surgery last summer because I weighed 386 pounds and had for a long time and could not get it off. I didn't know this before, but once you hit a certain point in obesity, diet and exercise don't work. My husband and I talked about this before I did it and I simply told him I had not other choices left. He had to support me and respect the changes I needed to make for me. He did and he has continued to do so. So, don't make my mistake, make your change now. Explain things to your guy, give him a chance to support you. You might be surprised. :happy:
  • SarahAFerguson
    SarahAFerguson Posts: 250 Member
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    That was me as well. I used to get nervous and gobble up what I could because Dear Husband could eat like no tomorrow. He would eat all of whatever I cooked for dinner based on recipies my Mom made to feed a family of 5, then have snacks later in the evening. He is a big guy (fairly tall and pretty muscular) and was very active when we were first married in our early 20s. I used to think it was unfair that he didn't seem to gain any weight while I was ballooning up. The fact was, he was eating what he needed to maintain his weight and I was overeating.

    Don't focus on how much junk your boyfriend gets to eat with no bad consequenses, because bad eating habits will catch up with anyone eventually and the longer you indulge the harder it is to change. Be motivated by the fact that you are taking good care of yourself and setting a good example for your boyfriend. Hopefully you can help him move to a better quality diet and he can avoid health issues later on.
  • ashleytee17
    ashleytee17 Posts: 6
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    Thank you for the replies. From your experience, how did you adopt healthy eating habits during meal times or at restaurants with your husbands? Did you focus more on portion control or you chose healthier alternatives?
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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  • Flawless_K
    Flawless_K Posts: 42 Member
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    Thank you for the replies. From your experience, how did you adopt healthy eating habits during meal times or at restaurants with your husbands? Did you focus more on portion control or you chose healthier alternatives?

    This was so hard for me at first! I wanted to make the better lifestyle choices , but it was so tempting being around him! But then I didn't want to be the annoying "dieter" who controls everyone around her. So, I still have dinner with him, I just eat the healthier alternative and have some DAMN GOOD WILL POWER!!! One thing I had to learn is that I cannot eat ilke he does. And also, having the same thing (but a smaller protion size) didn't satisfy my nutritionally because as you stated earlier they are "empty calories". I would be hungry AGAIN before the night was over. Believe me I tried it all. Not only that, it is so dangerous to even put your self in the situation where you have to stop yourself from eating too much of the wrong thing. It is too soon, don' trust yourself just yet. After all, if WE could trust ourself to STOP, WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE!
  • SarahAFerguson
    SarahAFerguson Posts: 250 Member
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    We stopped eating out so much that, was a big one. Worked out well for our finances since eating out can be expensive.

    On the home front, since I do the grocery shopping, I first started by cutting junk foods out bit by bit and replacing them with healthier alternatives. That went back and forth for a while with trying to eat healthy and falling back into bad habits. Just like smoking, you have to keep on trying to quit the junk food.

    Eventually my husband figured out on his own that certain foods made him not feel so good. As he got older he couldn't keep cramming in junk and be able to digest it well. Then for some reason he decided on his own to try an exclusion diet (no grains at all and no dairy). I wasn't going to cook two separate things for each meal so we all did that for two weeks and this is how we found out that both my husband and my daughter have food intollerances to corn, dairy and peppers (each to different degrees).

    That was two years ago. Since then I've worked really hard to learn all I can about how to cut out the stuff they can't have and have ended up eating what people around here call a "clean" diet. Essentially I cut out most processed/packaged foods. Instead we eat lean meat, nuts, fruits, veggies, whole grains (not bread or anything with yeast or commercial baking powder due to the corn issues) and some of us have dairy. I've learned to cook/bake a lot of my own stuff "from scratch" with modifications so we can all eat it. I bake or steam all sorts of veggies and puree them up and hide them in all my recipies. No one can tell its in there because it is very yummy.
  • ashleytee17
    ashleytee17 Posts: 6
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    Thank you for this. This is often something I need to work better on is to remain consistent. Some weeks I go 3-5x a week and then another week I don't go at all.
  • ashleytee17
    ashleytee17 Posts: 6
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    Has anybody tried chewing gum or filling up on water or crystal light to curb that appetite?

    Or does it really just boil down to finding that will power to eat healthier food, whether or not he's there? Any tips on how I can begin working on this? I really appreciate all the feedback!
  • SarahAFerguson
    SarahAFerguson Posts: 250 Member
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    I drink water. I try to space it out so that I have about 1 cup (6 to 8 oz) per hour during the work day. It gives me an opportunity to get up from my desk and stretch my legs a bit. I don't try to curb hunger that way though. I did when I was in university and we were not allowed to eat in class and classes were back to back all morning and afternoon with only 1/2 hr for lunch. Now, if I'm hungry I eat. I make sure to plan ahead so I have healty foods around and I don't go over my calorie allotment. I've also learned to make healthier choices if I do have to go out. I don't ever drink pop, diet or otherwise and I skip the fries and deserts at fast food places.

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