Dealing with a coworker who always offers food!
Replies
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just eat it.
I like the suggestion to offer her your own food. I'm sure she would LOVE to have a bite of rice cakes or carrots.0 -
Whoa, guys... NEED to get nasty? Throw food around? Really? While I totally understand the OP (used to face same temptations in the office), our problems with food are our problems, no need to take them out on other people who are just being nice in their way. Imagine someone who does not have a problem with food but just does not feel like this cake or whatever she's sharing - it's a simple "no thank you" and everyone's getting on with their day. All those emotions involved in daily situations like this are indicators of the food problem, - again, not the sharing person's problem.
^^^ thank you. i realize some of you are trying to be funny, but what is the point in offering advice that is designed to escalate this into a bigger conflict? just say "no, thank you." there is no need to explain why your answer is no, and clearly this person's habit of sharing is so ingrained that it is automatic. you can't control people around you, you can only control how you react to them, and why not choose the reaction that takes the least toll on both yourself and others?0 -
I have co workers from other countries. In many cultures it is customary to offer others some of your food, and it is also considered an offense if someone refuses. I've learned it doesn't hurt a bit to say "that really smells good, maybe just one bite". That makes them happy and me satisfied. One or two bites does not undo your diet (unless you're doing something weird for the short term), and if you bring a little extra of your snack (nuts, fruit, veggies and humus, whatever) and share with them. This leads to a happier working environment!0
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Be like "yes! thanks!" then pretend to eat the food by opening your mouth and slowly moving the donut past the other side of your face and then let it fall onto the ground where hopefully a dog will immediately eat it without her noticing0
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go to HR.
tell them you feel "harassed" by this persons culinary offerings.
the word "harassment" is such a hot button word these days. no one wants to fck with that.
it'll work. trust me.
some chick went to HR on me...told them she felt "harassed" by my touching her *kitten* all the time.
well guess what....it worked. i stopped.0 -
go to HR.
tell them you feel "harassed" by this persons culinary offerings.
the word "harassment" is such a hot button word these days. no one wants to fck with that.
it'll work. trust me.
some chick went to HR on me...told them she felt "harassed" by my touching her *kitten* all the time.
well guess what....it worked. i stopped.
Actually I change my advice, sexually harrass her. I bet she will stop.0 -
Some responses are meant to be light-hearted humor. The "throw it on the ground" comments are a reference to a sketch from SNL.
oops ) frankly, i have no idea what SNL is, let alone the sketch.
but the OP's emotions sound very real, and need no encouragement i thought.0 -
Whoa, guys... NEED to get nasty? Throw food around? Really? While I totally understand the OP (used to face same temptations in the office), our problems with food are our problems, no need to take them out on other people who are just being nice in their way. Imagine someone who does not have a problem with food but just does not feel like this cake or whatever she's sharing - it's a simple "no thank you" and everyone's getting on with their day. All those emotions involved in daily situations like this are indicators of the food problem, - again, not the sharing person's problem.
I agree completely. And also, don't unnecessarily piss off the people you have to work with. Then you just have to come to a hostile work environment every day.
So, what you're saying is, it's ok for someone to ignore your wishes to not be offered food, and continue to harass you about it day in and day out even though you told them to stop? Isn't that already a hostile work environment? When you dread going to work on a daily basis because someone just won't stop bothering you?
Sometimes a "bad" attitude is the best attitude. Sometimes you have to be blunt and just tell them to back off. The OP is already at the point where they want to just scream at the top of their lungs at the person that just won't stop offering food. IF you want to do it the "proper" way, tell the person to stop (which is already been done), if they don't stop, discuss it with your immediate supervisor, if nothing is done at that level then take it to the next level and/or HR. IF you don't want to go through all the steps, politely ask them to stop, if they don't, take the food and throw it away in front them. If that doesn't work then I would suggest:
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I have an medical condition that restricts my diet in a very very strict way, and I have this problem a lot whenever I am a guest. Somehow, people seem to think that if they totally forget about my restricted diet until all the food is served, then run around like a chicken with their head cut off as soon as they see me, drawing huge amounts of attention to my "weird" medical problem, and rope several other people into the frenzy of "looking for something I can eat" despite the fact that I am begging them "don't to worry about it, I don't even think about it, look, I brought my own food that I love, really, it's fine, please calm down", that ALL THAT will somehow make me more comfortable as a guest than if they just said, "okay, you brought stuff you feel safe eating? Cool! Let's talk about the wedding tomorrow" or whatever. But, if there are any food pushers out there, I want to say for the record that it just makes people like me feel like we are a huge problem! I just want to quietly eat my weird little tupperware meal in peace and hope no one notices.
Food pushers like the one you describe drive me crazy, too. People have been raised to think LOTS of things are polite, apparently. You know what I think is polite? Respecting other people's boundaries, especially when they have undertaken the sometimes daunting task of explicitly telling you what those boundaries are and how you can respect them.
Not surprisingly, I don't agree with the "thanks but no thanks" approach. You are obviously struggling with the repeat offer so thanking her for offering seems inappropriate. That says, "I like it when you offer me food, but I will not eat the food you offer me." To the offerer, this is probably the best deal ever! They get all their food plus major credit for being a wonderful person (never mind that they are very clear that they are pressuring you in ways that you have told them make you uncomfortable). And, I see that some people are saying that a stronger rejection might jeapordize your work relationship -- but isn't that already happening due to her repeated messing with you about it? The only thing I can imagine that would be effective is to calmly say, every time, "No offense, but the offer is not appreciated." That way you do nothing to reinforce the behavior, but you also do so fairly gently, and you're saying it's not a rejection of THEM but just of their constant offer of food.0 -
go to HR.
tell them you feel "harassed" by this persons culinary offerings.
the word "harassment" is such a hot button word these days. no one wants to fck with that.
it'll work. trust me.
some chick went to HR on me...told them she felt "harassed" by my touching her *kitten* all the time.
well guess what....it worked. i stopped.
Actually I change my advice, sexually harrass her. I bet she will stop.
yes yes!!!
take the food...eat it like you're trying to give it an orgasm...and stare at her boobs the whole time.
you should only have to do this once.
problem solved.
well done, lobster!0 -
problem solved.
well done, lobster!
ANOTHER ISSUE VANQUISHED BY TEAMWORK0 -
So true. A little nasty goes a long way. Only the OP can tell though if the situation is as desperate as you described, or is the coworker just being automatically polite as most people here understood her to be.Sometimes a "bad" attitude is the best attitude.0 -
problem solved.
well done, lobster!
ANOTHER ISSUE VANQUISHED BY TEAMWORK
high 5!
now let's get outta here and go help others!!!!0 -
Poke them in both eyes0
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I also think anyone who offers you food off the plate they are eating off of had better be a really good friend. Otherwise... this person has boundaries issues, and you should tell them that "actually", you prefer the food that is already being chewed in their mouth. What is wrong with people?! Argh!0
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I have a coworker that does this to me too, and then when I say no on a daily basis she often makes comments under her breath about how I'm anorexic. I've tried to politely tell her that I'm watching what I eat - because I've already tried to explain the concept of calorie counting + exercise will help me lose these super annoying extra pounds I gained from my desk job. Then she complains about the weight she's gained from working at this desk job. And she still doesn't get it. I have come to the conclusion that some people are just clueless.0
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nothing ) as long as they are not holding you by the neck and shoving their chewed food down your throat.What is wrong with people?! Argh!0 -
OP has said no repeatedly to this person and has even given a detailed reason why she doesn't want to be asked again. Yet this co-worker is still offering her treats. A polite "no thank you" is not working here. Either this co-worker is lacking basic manners and listening comprehension or she has mean-spirited intentions. OP should not have to deal with this unnecessary stress at work. It's akin to someone bringing their religious book to work every day and asking if you'd like to read from it , even though they know you don't agree with their religion.0
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go to HR.
tell them you feel "harassed" by this persons culinary offerings.
the word "harassment" is such a hot button word these days. no one wants to fck with that.
it'll work. trust me.
some chick went to HR on me...told them she felt "harassed" by my touching her *kitten* all the time.
well guess what....it worked. i stopped.
and I have been disappointed every day since...I was bragging about you touching my *kitten*, not complaining...0 -
go to HR.
tell them you feel "harassed" by this persons culinary offerings.
the word "harassment" is such a hot button word these days. no one wants to fck with that.
it'll work. trust me.
some chick went to HR on me...told them she felt "harassed" by my touching her *kitten* all the time.
well guess what....it worked. i stopped.
and I have been disappointed every day since...I was bragging about you touching my *kitten*, not complaining...
dammit jodes! go talk to them and have that stricken from my record and the *kitten*-touching will commence immediately!0 -
I am a numbers kinda person, so try this: No thanks, laugh and say "two" the next time repeat, say "Three" when she asks what the numbers are, say "thats the number of times you've asked me since you said you would stop asking". Keep a running tally, it can be fun, and funny, thus reducing your stress and making it a joke. She may not change, but you can change how you react and that may help make the situation easier and save a freindship. As others have said, this may be a cultural thing and she can't help herself for asking. We cannot change others, but we can change how we respond. Best wishes to you!:laugh: Laugh more!0
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nothing ) as long as they are not holding you by the neck and shoving their chewed food down your throat.What is wrong with people?! Argh!
Oh right... I forgot that physical violence is the ONLY sign that someone is behaving inappropriately or disrespectfully. My bad... lolz.0 -
I am a numbers kinda person, so try this: No thanks, laugh and say "two" the next time repeat, say "Three" when she asks what the numbers are, say "thats the number of times you've asked me since you said you would stop asking". Keep a running tally, it can be fun, and funny, thus reducing your stress and making it a joke. She may not change, but you can change how you react and that may help make the situation easier and save a freindship. As others have said, this may be a cultural thing and she can't help herself for asking. We cannot change others, but we can change how we respond. Best wishes to you!:laugh: Laugh more!
^^this^^
It calls attention to her behavior is a fun way.
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[/quote]
don't unnecessarily piss off the people you have to work with. Then you just have to come to a hostile work environment every day.
[/quote]
So, what you're saying is, it's ok for someone to ignore your wishes to not be offered food, and continue to harass you about it day in and day out even though you told them to stop? Isn't that already a hostile work environment? When you dread going to work on a daily basis because someone just won't stop bothering you?
Sometimes a "bad" attitude is the best attitude.[/quote]
First, the elephant vs. ostrich thing was really funny.
Second, here's the problem: if you react in a hostile way to someone offering you a cupcake, and that person then goes to HR, who do you think HR is going to have the problem with, the hostile person or the one offering the cupcake? The fact of the matter is that the rest of the world isn't going to be sensitive to what you're trying to accomplish. That's why we go to this site, for the support the rest of the world won't give us. You just have to learn to deal with these things without blowing your top. Of course, this is all in my opinion. I understand getting angry, I just feel like it doesn't help very much to be angry versus coping in a different way. This pastry person sounds like she just doesn't get it, and if we wasted our energy getting angry at people who don't get it, we'd spend A LOT of time angry.0 -
I deal with this daily. I work at a bakery, and pretty much all my coworkers are always asking me to try something. Then our bosses even say, 'well you need to know what it tastes like if you're going to sell it.' I just say no, a lot of them realize it by now and often make the comment, "We should try this.. well we know Desiree wont, but we will." hahaha
Trust me, I hate doing the organic trash, imagine opening tons of cakes, pies, brownies, donuts and throwing them into the trash. Let's just say, if you could gain weight by smelling food alone I'd be a lot bigger. O_O0 -
I like the idea of just taking it, then immediately throwing it in the trash..... kinda mean, but if you've asked someone to respect your boundaries, and they don't, that's the consequence. Kinda reminds me of Parks & Rec episode, Ron Swanson throwing the veggie bacon in the trash.... "another, please!" LOL 0
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Oh right... I forgot that physical violence is the ONLY sign that someone is behaving inappropriately or disrespectfully. My bad... lolz.nothing ) as long as they are not holding you by the neck and shoving their chewed food down your throat.
who said it is and what does it have to do with anything )))
my point was more in the lines of one can bring the horse to the well but one cannot make it drink... you know, separating things you can change from things you cannot. i mean only thing you really can control is yourself, and trying to control all these wrong people is counterproductive and probably won't make you happy.
I say mind your own business and let others be, live and let live, but if you prefer focusing on making every displeasure people cause you painfully clear to them, by all means, knock yourself out.0 -
Oh right... I forgot that physical violence is the ONLY sign that someone is behaving inappropriately or disrespectfully. My bad... lolz.nothing ) as long as they are not holding you by the neck and shoving their chewed food down your throat.
who said it is and what does it have to do with anything )))
my point was more in the lines of one can bring the horse to the well but one cannot make it drink... you know, separating things you can change from things you cannot. i mean only thing you really can control is yourself, and trying to control all these wrong people is counterproductive and probably won't make you happy.
I say mind your own business and let others be, live and let live, but if you prefer focusing on making every displeasure people cause you painfully clear to them, by all means, knock yourself out.
I get what you are saying to a point Alpina483, but I'm not trying to control this person and her actions and I don't want to make her unhappy. Like I said, I consider her a friend. However, why should I have to day in and day out (for last 2 years!) tell her "no thank you" or explain myself when she asks? Shouldn't she respect my wishes at some point? I'm not a mean person and I really don't like conflict, so today was especially difficult once I snapped at her. That's not me. But, I hit my boiling point. Also, the issue isn't completely re diet/willpower, I also just don't care to try other people's food.
Anyway, I thank everyone for all their comments. Some really made me laugh!0 -
I get what you are saying to a point Alpina483, but I'm not trying to control this person and her actions and I don't want to make her unhappy. Like I said, I consider her a friend. However, why should I have to day in and day out (for last 2 years!) tell her "no thank you" or explain myself when she asks? Shouldn't she respect my wishes at some point? I'm not a mean person and I really don't like conflict, so today was especially difficult once I snapped at her. That's not me. But, I hit my boiling point. Also, the issue isn't completely re diet/willpower, I also just don't care to try other people's food.
Anyway, I thank everyone for all their comments. Some really made me laugh!
no, no, I was not referring to your situation, OP, that was to spiregrain who was obviously talking about her own ))
sorry about the digression.0 -
I have a similar sort of workplace situation. It's not uncommon for someone (prob 2-3 times a month) to bring in boxes of donuts and the counter is right next to my cubicle!!!!! NOt only that, two of my co-workers have buckets in their office with assorted mini chocolate candies. I am helpless and hopeless. I am a total chocolate and carb addict and once I take one bite, I'm sunk. Anyone have any suggestions? Believe me, I've tried to get another job. My sister says it's a "hostile work environment"!!! Seriously, anyone facing a similar situation? I know the solution is to NOT take that first bite....how do I do that? Yikes. I need to lose 30-40 pounds and, at this rate, I'll gain that.0
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