30-ish days in and ready to build a support network

HW 267
CW 254
GW 150
5'-8"
36 F

So, I've been logging in for the past 30 days or so, tracking my food and exercise religiously, and reading through some of the message board discussions. I think it's finally time to introduce myself and become a part of the group.

As a child I was continuously berated by my father for being "fat". Looking back, I think the real problem for him was that I took after my mother's side of the family rather than his own; he was 5'9" and 165 lbs, and there was never a time in his life when he couldn't fit into his Navy uniform that he'd gotten at 17yo., whereas my mother and her side of the family were the opposite, being large-boned, tall and typically bottom-heavy people. In any case, I bore the brunt of his irritation, and there wasn't a day when he didn't remind me that I was imperfect in his eyes. He put me on my first diet when I was in 4th grade. From the time I could stand up for myself and refuse his forced dieting, I did, and I actually have never dieted since that time. At the same time, being told at every meal to eat less, but clean my plate, made for a very poor eating pattern. Prior to these past 30 days, I can't remember a time when I felt hungry. What started as psychological turned physical, as my metabolism slowed down to accommodate my disinterest in food. Let me add a caveat here...I've read all the opinions on here about the "myth of starvation mode" or whatever people want to call it. I honestly don't give a damn about your "opinion" on this topic. If you want to provide me with properly cited scientific research, I would be willing to read and evaluate the points they make. I'm a biologist, and I don't take opinions as scientific fact, ever. That said, I don't know what I'd call the situation I was in. I was eating little and irregularly, and not exercising, but my weight didn't really fluctuate for roughly 15 years. I was significantly overweight, but all of my test results were good and I had no other health issues, so I didn't think much about it. After a childhood focused on it, I made a point to focus on anything else.

In March of 2011 I was suddenly unemployed, and extremely stressed and depressed about it. After a month of sitting on the couch all day searching for jobs and feeling sorry for myself, I decided it was time to get out of the house for at least a little time every day. I thought, why not walk/jog? The weather is nice, and I have nothing better to do. Maybe this will move my life in a better direction. Well, after so many years of doing nothing, and 20 years living with 2 smokers, I wasn't even capable of day 1 of a C25K plan. So I made up my own precursor to the C25K plan. Well, my feet didn't appreciate my efforts to job, and after about a month I was in so much pain that I stopped completely. Being unemployed, I didn't have medical insurance, so I spent the rest of the year in increasing pain, getting more and more lethargic and depressed with my situation. Finally in December I got a job and got health insurance again. With the holidays and the stress of a new job I didn't manage to get into a doctor's office about the pain in my foot until March of this year. The first doctor I went to didn't have a clue what the problem was, and made me keep coming back while he offered me a different guess each visit. So I found a new doctor. He put me in a boot for 3 months and told me that I had "foot strain"...something that can't be repaired, but can be relieved by not doing anything to aggravate the situation. I was told to only wear certain shoes, to do nothing that involved pushing off with my foot, and that losing weight would take a lot of pressure off my foot. At the same time, upon entering the doctor's office, they weighed me, and I found that in the year I had been injured I had gained 35 lbs. How was I supposed to lose weight when I couldn't do anything that involved pushing off with my foot??? EVERYTHING involves your feet! Instead of fixing the problem, this new information depressed me even more. I was hurt and the only thing that might help would make me hurt more.

After 3 months of the boot and another of trying to figure out on my own what I could actually do without pain, I was dropping off my dog at daycamp and saw this big gym across the street. It occurred to me that it was big enough to have a pool inside, and maybe pool activity was something I could do without pain. So before I lost the thought, I went home and looked up the gym to see what I could find out. They were having a signup deal that included 2 free personal trainer sessions...I thought maybe that was a sign, because if a personal trainer couldn't figure out stuff for me to do without hurting myself, no one could. I immediately went and signed up before I could talk myself out of it. Upon our first meeting and after my answering some questions, he told me that his job was easier than mine. He was confident he could find things for me to do, but I was responsible for changing my eating habits so that we could restart my metabolism. Those first few weeks of learning to eat when I wasn't hungry were the worst. I wish now that I had found this site earlier, so that I might have gotten started the right way a few weeks earlier. As I mentioned, I'm a scientist, so collecting data accurately and completely is in my nature. MFP provides the means for me to do so in a way that keeps me continuously focused on my goals; it is a lifesaver.

It took my body about a month to realize that I planned to feed it consistently, and it started my metabolism back up to match my intake and exercise. I was becoming defeated that first month when I was working out 4 days/week and eating better and seeing no results. Thankfully I stuck with it and made it past that threshold. Now it seems I'm on track for a consistent 2 lbs/week, but as long as I'm making forward progress I will be happy. My foot still hurts some, but I'm making progress toward minimal pain, and I've learned how to adjust things to minimize that impact.

I think I've finally made it to the mindset that will allow me to accept support and to give it. If there is anyone out there that can relate to my story, I'd appreciate your input, your support and your friendship, if you're willing to get it. I promise to do my best to provide the same.

-C