Question for those in a marriage (about sex) ;)

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sizzle92
sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok....so this has got me thinking and I am curious to hear what others think about it. My husband's business partner recently told my husband that he wasn't feeling fullfilled by his wife of 10 or so years. He was just fed up. He doesn't want to have sex 2-3 times a month. He desires more. As well as generally more affection from his wife. He drafted up a contract and told her his expectations, and explained to her that if she couldn't deliver them, he would have no choice but to find a girlfriend. Well so far it has worked.

Thoughts? I have mine. :wink:
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Replies

  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    Oh man! I thought this one would be a fun topic!
  • ed_amame
    ed_amame Posts: 2 Member
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    What do you mean "Worked" He's getting more than before, or he got himself a girlfriend?
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    She is doing the things he asked of her.
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    Come on guys!!!!! :drinker: :flowerforyou: :tongue: :wink:
  • cpachecoiii
    cpachecoiii Posts: 12 Member
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    Maybe she needed a kick in the pants. But honestly it shouldn't have taken him writing something up to get her to do what he wants. If they were in a strong relationship, then they could have talked about it. Speak up!
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    I agree, he should have been able to talk to her. I wonder if he did but it didn't do anything so this was his last resort?
    I know we don't know the details of everyone's marriages, but I feel in general, it is our spouse's responsibility to eachother to fullfill sexual needs. I know many don't agree with that though. (and it's obvious many don't make it a priority) I'm surprised this topic didn't get more feedback.
  • cpachecoiii
    cpachecoiii Posts: 12 Member
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    I think when you get married you should want to have all kinds of sex with your partner. I know things get hectic, then there are kids on the way etc. But at the end of the day you married each other because (hopefully) they seemed like your perfect mate, and that goes to my idea that we are all glorified animals. It is at our very cores to want to have sex, eat food and do stuff that makes us feel good. I believe most disorders such as anxiety and depression are caused by the fact that a person does not do enough of what makes him feel good. That can be sex or a whole host of things. But that's my two cents!
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    I agree! And I think it's real BS when a partner starts withholding sex. Talk about being sold a bill of goods, right?
  • enliven_mal
    enliven_mal Posts: 28 Member
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    I think it should be our own responsibility to fulfill our sexual needs - and our spouses have the luxury of coming along for the ride. However, it is an incredible thing to be in a partnership with someone who cares about your needs and wants to help you take care of it!

    I am shocked that he would draft up a contract. Way to blow the romance/spontaneity/fun out of it. And hey, maybe he doesn't do a damn thing to make his wife want to have sex with him? Farting on the couch and watching TV, expecting her to do 'wife' things around the house/not helping her out or whatever crappy husbands do - - these don't leave her much time to be thinking about screwing her husband.

    I hope she wrote up her own contract of things she will expect in return! Maybe this could be like a vow renewal for them? :)
  • seanorawe
    seanorawe Posts: 137 Member
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    If I drafted a contract for the wife. She would make me eat it. (the contract)
  • seanorawe
    seanorawe Posts: 137 Member
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    Ok....so this has got me thinking and I am curious to hear what others think about it. My husband's business partner recently told my husband that he wasn't feeling fullfilled by his wife of 10 or so years. He was just fed up. He doesn't want to have sex 2-3 times a month. He desires more. As well as generally more affection from his wife. He drafted up a contract and told her his expectations, and explained to her that if she couldn't deliver them, he would have no choice but to find a girlfriend. Well so far it has worked.

    Thoughts? I have mine. :wink:

    Maybe he wants you to be his girlfriend:love::love: :love:
  • carmentownes
    carmentownes Posts: 46 Member
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    I think maybe he needs to find out why she is disinterested in sex. Maybe he is boring in bed, maybe she isn't attracted to him anymore, maybe it's him. If not him...he could possibly be her libido is not where his is at this time in her life. I think the best way is for him to be sensitive and talk..not draw up a contract. I think i would have sex with my husband LESS if he did that. Or i would be disguisted because maybe she has something else going on with her.
  • grizzlymaze
    grizzlymaze Posts: 185 Member
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    Maybe perhaps he isn't treating her with the respect that she deserves. After our first child was born, my wifes sexual desires with not there anymore. My sexual drive was still at full force, and this made me focus more on full filling my own needs through self gratification and porn. I tell you the truth when I say that that killed our sexual time together more than anything! I was totally hooked on this addiction and at the same time I was totally disrespecting my wife. This went on for several years, and than I was hit with a load of bricks and facing the facts that she was getting ready to leave me. She had her bags packed! I have since than, turned my life to Jesus Christ and have never looked back. With that being said, our sexual times are stronger now than when we were first dating. I am focused more on her needs rather than my own and vise vera.

    I hope this helps.
  • stevesev1
    stevesev1 Posts: 2
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    I jumped on here to see who is using sex as part of their daily/weekly exercise regiment....

    I guess I'll chime in and see what happens...

    Having been married 29 years (still married), the question has come up many times over those years in discussions with other couples; how much sex is right for a married couple? Should it be once a week, once a month, only on holidays and birthdays? Was the frequency discussed early on in the marriage or was there simply the expectation that it would continue as it was right after marriage, or even before? Should it be an obligation to satisfy the partner even if you are not interested? And of course what type of activities are fulfilling for both people?

    I guess in respect to the contract and the girlfriend idea...was it really a contract or simply an outline of things he would like to do and that opened the eyes of his wife and she got excited about it? If a woman is not interested in sex any longer (or a man), should they be open minded enough to allow their spouse to find that satisfaction elsewhere?

    Lot's of questions...no answers...sorry. :-)
  • Mommyfate
    Mommyfate Posts: 31 Member
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    I think instead of writing a contract *slap!* This guy need to make his wife feel sexy. The main reason I quit having sex in my previous relationship was because my boyfriend never made me feel like I was desirable. He never flirted or snuck up behind me and kissed my neck... He expected to just get it when he wanted it... Usually when I'm already asleep. My new husband however will text me throughout the day flirting, and make me feel good about myself. Ya gotta work for it guys... keep your girls on their toes, and they'll want to have sex more often :wink:
  • glahlstedt
    glahlstedt Posts: 308 Member
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    Amen!!
  • walkermom75
    walkermom75 Posts: 45 Member
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    I doubt an ultimatum like that really worked. I think your coworker is full of it. If my husband gave me a contract I'd call his bluff or better yet tell him my new boyfriend was giving it to me so well he was redundant.
  • luly727
    luly727 Posts: 202 Member
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    Well let me add a different twist..what happens when the wife wants to have sex more, some romance etc. and 2-3 months go by with no sex, and she pushes to find out whats the problem..then he blurts out, "did you ever think its because you have gained weight" and goes on to say the wife knew from day 1 he wasn't attracted to over weight women blah blah and yet she gained some weight over the 15 yrs together.. What would you say or do?? oh this conversation came up cuz the wife saw him 'taking care of his needs" he wasnt aware she saw him..
  • UltraTacks
    UltraTacks Posts: 230 Member
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    Selfish!

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